Vent

Vent - an opening, as in a wall, serving as an outlet for air, smoke, fumes, or the like. The only purpose of venting is to let the steam out. It is not intended to be an outlet through which one expresses a concern and in return would like to receive advice. I am not asking for your opinion as to what I should do. Really, I just want to vent. With that being said, I am totally okay with anyone leaving a comment to let me know you are sympathizing with me (who doesn't like to get comments?), but please do not see this as a solicitation for advice. I do not want you to fix everything. I just want to vent. Now that I have the basis covered, let me see if I can vent effectively while being vague enough that no one gets offended or thinks I am talking about them. Honestly, the person that I will be venting about probably doesn't read my blog and will more likely than not never read this, so I think I'm pretty safe. Either way, being vague is difficult, but I'm gonna try. So I have some friends from years before that have chosen to end our friendship(s). I am totally okay with that as I understand that people change and circumstances change and we all have different seasons in our lives. Quite honestly I haven't given the whole situation a second thought since we parted ways a while back. I haven't talked to them for a while and have been totally cut out of the daily life updates about their families. I didn't expect to get updates, but what upsets me is when I see them, I get the feeling they expect me to be supportive of whatever they are currently going through. I do know what is going on with them, but it isn't because they've told me. So basically I shouldn't know, but I get info from the internet, which obviously is what I would consider public information. I'm not talking about hacking into anything or getting information without permission. They basically post stuff that the public can see and I just happen to be a part of the public. (By the way, so I don't appear to be a weirdo, there are a lot of people who post things on blogs or facebook or whatever, that I read because people interest me. I'm not stalking anyone or anything, but I just like to know what is going on with people who have been a part of my life at some point.) So I act as if I know nothing, because they didn't tell me, and I don't want to be accused of getting into their business (which has happened before.) At the same time, it is public information, or kinda, and I don't want to be thought of as inconsiderate or unsupportive, so I'm in a lose lose situation. Dealing with people is so difficult sometimes. We are all different and no one is exactly like me, so it takes adjusting to learn what to say and how to act in a way that doesn't offend people. Trust me, my intent is never to offend anyone, but some people are looking for someone to offend them, if you ask me. And if I can meet your need and you can be mad at me, at least I can deal with it and you don't crush someone else who may not be able to handle it as well.

Reunion Recap

So I haven't blogged in forever, and for anyone who's actually noticing, I'm sorry. I'm not bogging myself down by doing a update since the last post. A lot has happened and maybe BJ will post pics from our vacation to New York some day. We went to part I of my 10 year high school reunion tonight. BJ went with me to the game and South won, so that was good. I saw a lot of people I knew that I'm pretty sure don't remember me. I was pretty quiet in high school and rarely if ever did anything with anyone from school after school was over. I talked to people at school about school generally and I wasn't rude or not friendly, but I guess I've learned they were mostly acquaintances and not really friends. The only things most of us had in common was school and when you remove that commonality, we got nothing. Part Ib was at Beto's after the game. BJ went home since he has to work tomorrow and I went alone. I talked to a few people that I was comfortable enough to approach. Mainly people I've talked to recently anyways. I did once again see more people from high school, but no one new I was comfortable talking to. I guess I feel like if I didn't know you well back then, I'm interrupting by coming to say hi. That, and I tend to just sit there and listen, probably wearing out my welcome so to speak and not contributing to the conversation. So, I have come to some conclusions. First, some things never change. There will always be cliques and I will never feel comfortable around them because I'm not like them. Secondly, I don't know what people what to accomplish by a reunion, but tonight was not the place to really reconnect with someone from the past. Unless you want that to include a lot of alcohol and music that is so loud you are screaming at the person next to you just to be heard. Just not my cup of tea I guess. Not that I really expected anything different. I guess people just want to hang out and have surface conversations. I suppose that tomorrow at the formal reunion event will be different, but I'm not attending that for an entirely different reason. I hate getting all dressed up and such. It is such a hassle for nothing. I am even less comfortable in a more formal setting. Thirdly, I think a reunion would be more fun it there was a family type event like a picnic at a park with the kids and spouses. I think kids make starting conversations easier. Maybe there, you would actually get to talk to someone and reconnect. Maybe there, the people who wanted to drink and party would stay home because they'd think it would be boring and you'd actually find out who wants to reconnect. Maybe then, you would see the real people and what life really is like for them and not the perfect picture they want to paint for you with their words. Lastly, blogging and facebook make it very difficult to talk to someone you haven't seen in a while. You feel like you are kinda updated on everyone's lives, but only because you keep up with them via facebook. So, asking them questions feels like you are being redundant or saying you didn't read about their lives or weren't listening when they "told" you what was going on. I guess to me it just makes it awkward to actually have a real conversation. For example, I didn't get to tell people what was going on in my life concerning the adoption, but just got to give people the most recent update that I hadn't posted yet. We should be licensed in 2-3 weeks. I guess you just don't know what people see and what they don't. The internet is effectively replacing real communication, and I'm not sure that's always a good thing. But I survived and enjoyed people watching. It was fun and some day I'll probably wish I had been a little more outgoing and talked to more people.