30 Blogs Day 9 - What Makes You Different Than Everyone Else

"I am me and you are you.
I don't stand and walk like you.
I don't even talk like you.
God made one of us not two."

When I was a young child, I remember my mom read this poem to my sister and I. We have recently tried to find it so I could read the rest of it again, but can't seem to locate it.

You could say that my whole life I've compared myself to others. Always competing. Often not satisfied. Sometimes it left me feeling better about myself but more times worse. I would not recommend the game of comparison to anyone. There is never a winner.

I say all of that because I've learned there are a lot of things that make me different than others. Some good. Some bad. All different.

When I saw this blog topic, the first surface level difference I thought of was the fact I am a mother of five (in a world filled with smaller families) and the fact that I have a mix of adopted/chosen and biological/birth children. I'm not looking for accolades (and God knows I've messed that up more than I've gotten it right), but view this part of who I am as God's well orchestrated plan, filled with great precision and articulation. Not because of me, but all because of him.

I play multiple instruments and sing. My whole family does actually. Trust me when I say it's just a God  thing and family trait/gifting. None of us have really studied music or practiced much, it's just who we are. At one point, my dad led worship, mom played bass guitar, sister played drums, and I played piano in our church worship team. My kids just learned (relearned) that both Bj and I were in Christian bands growing up. They think it's cool. It embarrasses my kinda. Not really sure why.

I have bad skin/acne and have never out grown it. I had the best skin of my life when I was pregnant. I'm not allergic to anything. Its not food based. Nothing really gets rid of it. It's just genetic and a part of who I am. I'm still amazed when people offer easy fixes like I haven't been dealing with this my whole life (well 25 years at least). This is just what I get. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but if you want to start talking about physical traits or beauty, you'll see me withdraw from conversation. (It's why I sometimes avoid pictures with groups of people I'm not totally comfortable with.) I can be pretty self conscious about it. I tend to think people don't see it any more (I don't really) and then someone says something. It's probably the only physical thing about myself I would change if given a choice.

I've been serving God for 29 years and have never stopped. I am finding there are fewer and fewer of us who were saved at an early age and didn't at some point leave Christianity and return. All glory to God! I've never known any different and I'm glad.

My husband, BJ, is the only guy I ever dated, my first real kiss. We met on the internet before dating sites were a thing. I was 16 and he was 19 and we learned we knew common people. We first met in person at one of my bands concerts in 1999 and the rest is history.

I've only had 2 jobs, ever. One was daycare in college and I just celebrated 15 years at S&A (a CPA firm.)

I love to memorize scripture. I did Bible Quiz for 6 seasons in high school which included memorizing 15 books of the New testament. I love to prove I can learn/memorize anything. I remember facts and figures, usually about people's favorites and birthdays. I love a mental challenge. It invigorates me!

God made us each with differences. In personality. In appearance. And the mix of all of those character and other traits are intentionally designed for a specific purpose God has for us. None of what we feel makes us different is on accident or without reason. Even the things we dislike about ourselves is a piece of the puzzle of our lives that God chooses to use for his glory.

30 Blogs - Day 8 A Picture of you with your Family

I thought it might be fun to take a trip down memory lane with this one...

Pre Kids

First Family Picture 2011

2011

2012

2013

2014

Fall 2015 - Seth in typical fashion

Summer 2017 (Now)

30 Blogs - Day 7 A Letter to Someone who has Hurt You Recently

Dear Person:

Let me start by saying I love you. Really, I do. I know that you probably don't even know that you hurt me. Or maybe you do. It doesn't really matter at this point. Every time I think I'm okay, I see you and know I am not. I'm more healed than I was originally, but still need some closure. I am still frustrated and feel like this is all so unfair. But I don't really know what I would've done differently. Not sure it would have mattered.

I wish that you would've taken the time to hear what I was saying and not distort it to hear what you wanted. I wish you didn't misunderstand me. I wish this didn't have to happen. I wish you didn't think it was necessary to tell others what you thought I said or meant. It was all your perspective which I feel was pretty tainted. And opinions should never be spoken as truth. They only cause more hurt.

I know that you were in a bad place. That your emotions were controlling your words (mine too) and that you were unable to think or see anything from a place other than your own. That you didn't understand what I was saying. That you were scared.

I'm sorry if you felt attacked. Please forgive me. That was not my goal at all. I'm sorry if I said things that hurt you and made you feel less valuable than you are. Your value comes from your creator. You are more than what you do or accomplish. You are more than words people say about you. You are more than what you think about yourself . You are His and you are priceless! I pray that if you haven't discovered this truth that you will find it in His loving arms.

And I forgive you, even if you don't feel you need to be forgiven. I pray that God will continue to bless you and use you. That you can find some comfort in his presence and that you will deal with previous issues that have clouded your ability to see things for what they really are.

Months before the offense, God laid you on my heart and I prayed for you daily. I believe that is why this hasn't crushed me but I have been able to move on mostly. I pray you are able to do the same.

I know that God's word doesn't change and his promises are still valid in both of our lives, so I pray we are able to move forward for His kingdom sake.

~Sandra

30 Blogs Day 6

Day 6 is supposed to be my favorite superhero and why. I've seen many superhero movies but am not into superheroes,so I've opted to revisit a previous day that gave me two options.  The option I didn't select from day 4 is something I'm looking forward to.

This one is kind of hard for me because I'm always planning and thinking ahead and hoping things turn out as I anticipated. So, with that in mind, there are a few things I'm looking forward to:

1. Kids 1, 2, and 3 graduating school. It's not that I want them to grow up faster than it already feels like, but at least today, I want that struggle to be over for them. Obviously, I'd love for them to succeed and feel successful in an academic setting, but there are moments ,the realist in me just wants that to be over. In that same thought, I am looking forward to each of them finding their passion and pursuing it, not because it is expected or normal, but because there is so much confidence that comes with that. I know God has big things for each of them and am excited to see what that is.

2. Seth and Julia going to school. I really think it's gonna be a totally different experience, much more similar to mine, than it has been for the big kids. I love school and am looking forward to them loving it too so I can not dread it anymore.

3. Being a part of a thriving growing church. I fully believe God is getting ready to blow open the doors at RLC and it's gonna be a totally different church in the near future. The growing pains aren't fun, but I'm so ready to be in the middle of some exciting things God is bringing our way.

30 Blogs - Day 5

A picture of somewhere you've been to...

Pre-kids (my life is split into two eras, pre-kids, and post kids), in 2009, BJ and I went to an all inclusive resort in Cozumel Mexico. It was so relaxing! It was supposed to be our last big hurray before kids. I thought we'd have kids shortly after. It was 2 years, a lot of grief, and fertility treatments later that we adopted our kiddos.

I've told BJ that we should do it again soon. Maybe in 2019 for our 15 year anniversary. Vacations with 5 kids, while they are a break from work, and a change of pace, generally leave the mom busy and tired. I try to give me kids a break and handle everything so they can enjoy themselves, and I just end up stressed and tired and need a vacation from our vacation. :) And when our vacation involves family, which I truly am grateful for and love to see, some how I feel like everyone is watching and judging me by my kids. I am not saying this is what anyone is doing at all, but how I feel. It's hard to let go and be okay with my kids being just that, kids. Yeah, so a vacation with kids is for them. A vacation without them, that's for me.

30 Blogs...Continued

So 5 years ago I started this 30 blog challenge and made it a whopping three days. I created a separate label for those blogs (so whomever could search for them) and it has been bothering me that the category called 30 Blogs only has 3 entries.  So I must go back and finish the 30 Blogs (yes even 5 years later). I give you permission to laugh at my insanity.

#4 - What is a habit that you wish you didn't have?

This is so pertinent right now. The habit I wish I didn't have is kind of multifaceted. It's my obsession with finishing things in total or completing what I start. I suppose it goes hand in hand with being a perfectionist. Normally finishing what you start is a good thing, but if I get stuck in the middle of something I don't have desire to finish or can't finish, it is very hard for me to leave it and move on to something else. A good example would be when I'm reading a book. Maybe the beginning is good and then I get in the middle and it doesn't feel applicable or as helpful​ as it once did. I feel guilty skimming through or putting the book away and starting a new book. I also feel guilty only reading parts of a book and not all of it. I was just telling my mom I'm trying to give myself permission to skip things that don't apply and not feel like I'm cheating. Seriously, it's not like I'll be given a quiz on the literature. I think the bigger issue than not finishing something is that I'm not released to move on to something else and I get stuck. I'm trying to cut myself a break, but it's a work in progress.

I also think it's funny that I'm picking up on something I didn't finish 5 years ago and writing about being frustrated with not letting myself not finish something...

Day 3 - Picture of You and Your Friends

I would guess my closest friends are my family.  We get together and play games or we used to before kids were in the picture.  That quickly changed in our family in the last year.  But still, I'd say my closest friends are probably my sister and mom, and BJ of course.  They know me and I don't have to pretend for them.

I don't guess I have pictures of my other two closest friends, Melanie and Shay.  I am not good at taking pictures as I'd rather just enjoy the moment.  Not good for scrapbooking, good for the moment. I've known Melanie almost my whole life and until we were both adults, I'd say she was more of a mentor than a friend. She is 10 years older than me, but at some point none of that matters any more. I met Shay in high school and we have been through a lot over the years.  We don't always make time to hang out, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off.

This post about friends would not be complete without adding my coworkers, which are probably the people I spend the most time with.  They have known me for 10 of the craziest years of my life through the most changes I'd guess.  They probably know a side of me most others don't see as often.  I think we are all a little different in a work environment than we are just alone at home.

To be honest, I don't really have a BFF (which I think is such a middle school term by the way).  My life is too busy to add "hanging out" to my schedule. I guess I've never had a close friend for longer than a year or two at a time. People change, life changes, and people have come into and out of my life as long as I can remember.  And I'm totally fine with that. Maybe that's why I think my best friends are my mom and sister.  Because they are constant.  I guess this all adds up to the fact that I am more of an introvert than an extravert.  I am totally fine being by myself and don't need other people to feel energized or fulfilled.  When I am around people I enjoy their company, but history has told me I don't crave that interaction enough to seek it out.

Day 2 The Meaning of Your Blogger Name

At first our blog name was B.J. and Sandra.  When B.J. started his own blog, I felt like I needed to change the name of the blog since he would no longer be contributing to this one.  At about the same time, we got placement of our kiddos and our family grew from 2 to 5 overnight.  Hence the name, Fowler Five.

The one problem with the blog name would be what God has next for us.  As you should be well aware, we fully expect God to continue to grow our family.  No, we are not the next Duggar Family, but when this family of five becomes more, the blog name will definitely need a facelift.

I have a friend, who has just started the plan to domestically adopt an infant. I only share that because she pointed out a verse this week on facebook that just blew me away.

God will be done when he is done and he will see us through to the fulfillment of his promises in our lives, whatever that means.  I'm excited to see what God has next for the Fowler Five.

Blog Challenge

For me, half the struggle of blogging is figuring out what to say. It's actually kinda hard since I can't post my kids names or pictures and because at some point normal life is kinda boring, especially without pictures.  So I've decided to join a blog challenge I ran across this morning.  I am sure I won't blog every day for 30 days, but it'll at least give me something to blog about 1-2 times a week when I get time to sit down.  Here's the list of blog topics:
•Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself (will do today!)

•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn't have, or something that you are looking forward to.
•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

•Day 09- Something you’re proud of

•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

•Day 11- a person you would love to meet.

•Day 12- Your Blog Story.

•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

•Day 14- A picture of you and your family

•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)

•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

•Day 20- What does your future hold/where would you like to be?

•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

•Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

•Day 24- A letter to your parents

•Day 25- What I would find in your bag
•Day 26- What you think about your friends
•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
•Day 30- Who are you?

This is one of the pictures from our family photo session in early December. I know it isn't up close, but I still like it.  Ok, onto 15 interesting facts about me.

1. I love to memorize scripture.  It is very rewarding to be able to quote verses or to know where passages of scripture are during a sermon.  It also helps when fighting off that pesky devil to know the Word and use it to fight him.

2.  I played the bass guitar in a Christian rock band from ages 14 - 21.  I would say I can probably still play, but I wouldn't know since my bass guitar has been sitting in the corner in its case for over 3 years. Ha!

3. I love teaching.  Whether it is Sunday School, or doing homework with my kids, or helping someone at work.  I really enjoy seeing someone else "get it" when I've helped them.

4. My first movie to see in a theater was "Princess Diaries" on my 19th birthday.

5. I went to Nicaragua on a mission trip when I was 13.

6. I am very competitive. Very. I don't care what it is (except playing sports which I like to do, but know I am not good at) if I have a chance to win it, I will compete and you will see a totally different side of me.

7. I have been at the same church since I was 4 and I love it.  It is my family and my home and I wouldn't ever have it any other way. 

8. Me and my husband met on the internet in March of 1999, before meeting on the internet was cool or popular.

10. I have been at the same job for almost 10 years, a third of my life.

11. I can't whistle.

12. I love organizing but hate cleaning.

13. I love to bake when I have time.

14. I was born in Nebraska, but have lived in Texas for most of my life.

15. My first job was in college at a daycare watching 11 two year olds and I still miss it sometimes.