Living in Faith and Not Fear

So you know how we all have the best advice to give others, theoretically, when we've never been there before?  I remember before I was a parent I had the best parenting advice to give. Ha!  There were so many things I was going to allow and disallow and I wasn't going to be a push over, ever. I was the disciplinarian and my kids would do what I required of them. Yeah, we all know how that panned out. Ha! It's just different when you are there. I have battles I have to pick daily. And there are still things that are really the most important things to instill in my kids, but there are definitely things that haven't gone or turned out how I expected them to or that I've chosen to let go of and not push.

Same thing when you are a Sunday School teacher. Many times you teach it because God is dealing with you on it, but sometimes, when someone is asking advice, you have the best response for them. Then, when it comes down to it, and you are faced with a similar decision, you realize it's way harder than you thought.

So let's talk money...we've been so blessed and have never really worried about money. We have been smart (not spending money on everything we want or keeping up with the latest and greatest) but in reality, most of the time we've been able to buy whatever we wanted. We've also been pretty generous givers. Because we were able and not necessarily because God asked us to do something beyond what we could easily afford. He's asked us to do big things, but really pretty much within our means. And we've pretty much always had a cushion for a rainy day.

Well right now things are tighter than I'm used to. So I've personally started cutting back some excess so that we don't get in a worse situation financially. We've had so many large purchases (that we need) come at the same time. New AC, new roof, car repair, vacation (which was booked when we had excess, but paid when we didn't). Not to mention my washing machine is starting to freeze up mid cycle. We are having to finance things I'd rather pay cash for so that we have a little reserve and can make it to the next pay day. I have a mental goal of where I'd like our savings to be before I can relax a little.

Tithe is a done deal, we've never really thought about it much. But when it came to guest speakers and extra offerings, I just decided we couldn't right now. God understands, I trust him, but I'm being smart too. But God checked me.

"If you really believe I am gonna take care of you, why are you being stingy? I'm not asking you to be super generous right now, but I am asking you to take care of my people." So I went and paid my extra for our guest speaker and I bought a baby shower gift I was gonna delay for now.

I was living in fear. And I know it because not only was I holding back the reigns when God said let go, but I was complaining about it to others. So not God's way. Really not trying to get sympathy, just someone to agree with my logical reasoning to solve my own problem so I'd feel better about my choices. I didn't ask God how to solve my problem, I just started looking at the numbers and logically figuring out where we could find some extra funds. I do numbers for a living. I just did me.  (Now I know that I am me because God made me this way and I know this is my way by his design and purpose, but I didn't even ask him. That's where I feel I went wrong.)

Oh, God forgive me. Living in faith is HARDER than I made it out to be, especially when it's your daily supply you are worried about. Maybe my current situation is your norm, I don't know. But I'm sorry if I made it out to be your weakness that made trusting God for physical provision hard for you. I had no idea. It is hard!!

I really do know God is going to take care of us, he always does. But I have to trust him in everything and not withhold when he has told me to give. I also don't think it's God's will to keep living like it's no big deal and the money will come from somewhere. He tells us to put him first and He will take care of the rest. So until we get back to a safer place financially, I'm just gonna keep asking him to lead us so he can get glory when he provides!

Broader Horizons

I don't know how else to say it except to say that the last year and a half have been life changing for me. For a person who naturally likes order and routine, being forced to change in so many ways has been so good for me. I've grown spiritually so much in that time frame (maybe more in breadth than depth). I think that some times we get so used to our normal and we focus on growing in areas of strength or comfort more than growing by letting God push us into new and different things.

Before, I was in a place where I was getting opportunity to preach 3-4 times a year at my home church. Since then I've preached once. I didn't feel like that ministry was over, but I was in a time of personal stretching and growing in different areas. When we were without a pastor I spoke a few times to fill in. And really, God has been using me in different ways, so I haven't really had the desire to preach. Just been focusing on different things. I am not complaining at all, and really didn't feel like the opportunity was over, but just that I was in a different season.

So I have a couple of potential preaching opportunities coming up and I've started asking God to lead my study as I prepare. I asked God to show me what "they" (whoever that may be) need to hear and God has just started speaking like he never stopped. I'm not saying that God hasn't been speaking, but I've been kinda in a self learning/growing mode and God has been speaking to me personally but not really for others. When I was preaching more, I would constantly be putting sermons together (at least in pieces) waiting for the opportunity. I kind of wondered if God would still choose to speak to me for that purpose and I'm convinced the answer is a loud YES. It's truly an amazing honor that he would choose me.

So I'm excited to see what God's going to do. In areas where I thought he was done or had moved me on, I guess he's just expanding my horizons. Praise God! Lord, whatever you want, where ever you lead, I will follow.

Messy and Reckless

So I'm reading two books simultaneously, which is kinda odd for me, but this week they collided. Not because I wanted them to or because one of them led me to read the other. Because God wanted me to see something, to understand something differently. The two books are The Circle Maker By: Mark Batterson and Messy Grace By: Caleb Kaltenbach. The first is about prayer and how to pray God's purposes and promises and the second is about balancing grace/showing love with the truth of God's word about sin issues.

Let me start by saying my ideal world, life, work environment is pretty clean, organized, structured. I like things to have a clear beginning and end and work in boxes pretty well. As a women, who I'm told is more like spaghetti than waffles, I know that there are many parts of my life that connect to others, but it is definitely my preference for each thing to stay in its box, within the rules, organized and put together with a pretty bow. And within my little world, where my social circle is my church and my clientele is mostly ministers, that works pretty well for me. I'm able to thrive and do well in those circles. It's my safe place and it is pretty clean.

When I first starting feeling led to speak/preach/teach more I questioned my sphere of influence/who God wanted me to minister to and I was convinced that I was called to encourage Christians through sharing my experiences and the things God's shown me in his word. That too, was pretty squeaky clean and easy. Although it was a little nerve-wracking at first, I quickly found my groove and felt like I was being pretty effective where God had given me opportunity and influence.

But lately, in the past year, God has very clearly messed that all up. :) I've been challenged by God to see past myself and my safe space and really ask God to use me how he wanted to and not how I thought was easiest and cleanest. And he's opened my eyes and given opportunities I never would have had or sought out before. Opportunities to show grace in uncomfortable situations. To be a listening ear and not judge or condemn but just show God's love. To pray God's promises for someone else, going through struggles I have never had to deal with personally, and to bear those burdens as if they are my own until God shows up.

So I'm learning to pursue people like God pursues them. To be available and inconvenienced for the sake of the Gospel. It's messy. A bit chaotic at times. And it pushes me to be more like Christ. Like Christians should be. Not stuck in our happy circles but actually reaching out to people who are not like us and who we wouldn't normally befriend and becoming Jesus for them. Please don't misunderstand me to say I am on some "holier than thou" mission to add another trophy or medal to my wall. I'm learning to love in a totally different way than I'm used to. I know that people are God's heart so we have to be willing to get messy, to do things that don't make sense. Many times we fail to love without limit because we see our primary job as protecting the holy reputation of God. We forget that God has called us to love recklessly, like he loves us, without condition and qualifications. Before things are neat and pretty with a bow.

I firmly believe that God loves us all too much to leave us in our messes, but God will never get the opportunity to draw people to himself, to make them more like Jesus, if we don't learn to show messy grace. To love before they fit into our bubble and meet our expectations. A church full of people who are all the same is not reaching anyone. Actually, that probably means they are dying and have forgotten that "it's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick."

So I guess it's time to get messy and learn to love and show grace to those around us like God has done for us.

Time to Get Uncomfortable

There are three types of people when it comes to change.

Those who love it, thrive on it and are always seeking out what they can change and how to keep things moving forward.

Those who hate change and dig their feet in resistance to any thing different.

And me. Those who don't love change or hate it. Who can see it's value but approach it cautiously, making sure change is controlled and not chaotic. Those who once they catch the vision, are great supporters and good managers of change.

But no matter which category you fall into, there is some part of change that is uncomfortable. Like when the stage at church is split in half by a temporary wall during construction. Or the wifi won't work because of where the office and hub are located.

And if those things bother you, hold on because we are about the be kicked out of the sanctuary for a month.

But when you consider the short term cost for the long term benefit, IT WILL BE WORTH IT!! Trust God, it will be worth it!! Hold on and keep your eye on the goal! What is a soul worth to you?

Tonight was our first small groups. We hosted a group and it was great! The unknown may make you a little uncomfortable. Doing something different may make you nervous, but that phase will pass. So next time something bothers you a bit, hold your tongue, take a breath and smile.

Discomfort won't kill you. But your attitude could make or brake your ability to enjoy the moment and ride the wave of change!

New Season

Today was just an awesome day for our church family. Tonight in our evening service we were given a chance to write scriptures and prayers on the unfinished walls of our renovation project and pray for this new season God is bringing us to. And God's presence was just so sweet and so real with us.

The verse that I chose to write was Habakkuk 2:2-3. Many years ago a sweet lady gave it to me to stand on when we were waiting for God to fulfill his promises and grow our family. The verse is instruction to write down the message, the vision, the promise God has given you so that it can be shared with others. The second part is about the answer being on the way. That the vision is coming and though it may seem slow, we should wait because it will come to pass just like God said it would.

There are a lot of promises God has given our church family about the salvation of kids, about the filling of seats, about growth and we believe God is moving us to season where we see some of the fulfillment of those long awaited things. It's so exciting to be here!

That doesn't mean the devil isn't fighting, but we know our hope is in God through the time of change!

And Pastor Sid was on fire today (although I generally love his preaching, today was just a step above his normal.)This morning he preached about the purpose of the church and it was just so good! He challenged us to be as concerned about those with spiritual homelessness as those with physical homelessness. Wow! So good! The other thing that stuck out was our responsibility to let people know they belong here (at RLC). That God would help us show his love in such a way that when people walk through the doors they would know they were home!

Yeah, a lot to pray about and a lot to trust God for and work toward, but I'm excited about this new season!

New Experiences

The past three Sundays, I've led worship at church. Not because it was really planned that way but because my dad has been voiceless. It started with a cold or something, but I've never had him without a voice for so long that I've had to lead worship for so long. Usually it's more along the lines of " my voice isn't great, so you may need to help me."

Let me say I love worshipping but I'm not a great leader. I tend to get so caught up in organizing and mentally arranging and leading the musicians that worshipping becomes secondary to making sure the songs don't crash and burn. So this has been a learning experience for me and here's what I've learned and God has showed me:

1. It's okay if things aren't perfect. I'm not saying at all that you shouldn't practice or plan for worship, but I am saying that as far as leading worship goes, it is more about worshipping yourself than conducting the band and singers. I can be a bit of a perfectionist and I get frustrated when things don't go in real life as I planned in my mind or when I practiced alone at home. And it derails me, especially when I feel that is my fault as their leader. But I've learned to make inviting God's presence my priority and then not only am I not as concerned about when the songs have hiccups, it also doesn't affect the rest of the song set.

2. I tend to think leading the musicians is more necessary than it really is. Maybe because I want to be led, but the musicians really could mostly follow me with or without my clues. I still gave clues when we were switching sections of songs, but did a lot of verbal clues and it worked. Surprisingly well actually!

I think I got to lead enough that I gained some confidence and I think God was pleased. I enjoyed it even if it wasn't perfect.

New year with new experiences. Exciting stuff!

Learning from the Past

A week or so ago I had a friend post in Facebook the biggest lesson she learned in the prior year, and it inspired me to blog about what I learned in 2017.

My biggest lessons learned were about friendship. I learned that life is so much fuller with friends. I guess I learned the value of true friends. Not acquaintences, friends. Over time I've just gotten use to having acquaintences but not real friends. Very few people have taken the time to get me and understand me. So I don't trust people to assume the best and try and understand my motives. But this year I had a few friendships that just blossomed and almost unexpectedly turned into relationships that are mutually beneficial and that push me as I pray I push them. Friendships where I feel understood and accepted with all my flaws. Friends whose opinions I trust even if they are initially hurtful. And I have grown as a person because I have allowed those God-given friends in. And it was worth the risk.

I've also learned that even in good solid friendships, I have to be careful where I put my focus. God is my source and I have to learn to follow him and not people, even good Christian people. If my focus is well placed, I'm not as easily disappointed by people but I am able to show grace when people don't meet my expectations (expectations that no one can meet all the time).

It's been a year of change and growth and I'm so glad I was forced to stretch. I'm looking forward to 2018 and all that God holds for me in the next year!

The Man With a Plan

II Timothy 1:9 For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from the beginning of time - to show us grace through Christ Jesus.

Since before the world existed God has had a plan (I love planners!!☺). It wasn't a plan that exalted us or raised up an army or that depend on our doing at all. His plan was to show grace. To generously give to people who were undeserving if they would just accept his gift.

And since the creation of time we have been trying to figure out how to earn this gift. Maybe if we follow the rituals of the law or be "good", then he could show grace. Maybe if we proved we were worth it, he would bestow his gift to us. Maybe if we worked really hard and accomplished many great things he would have grace on us. And none of our plans have worked because they were never a part of The Plan.

The plan to give generously undeserved favor to us, knowing we were greedy and selfish. Knowing we could never repay him. That we would be constantly dependent on him to provide for us.

Grace is such a hard concept to grasp until you've experienced it. And maybe those who have been forgiven of much can better appreciate grace than those who were raised in church and never really strayed from him.

So this year, I want to be more aware of the sprinkling of God's grace on my life and be intentionally grateful for all that blessings I've received, noticing his hand in ever part of my life. Because I am a recipient of his amazing grace.

The Best is Yet to Come

A new year can mean a lot of things to a lot of people.

For some, it is sorrow that this great year has to come to an end. A longing for time to freeze and for this moment to remain. A fear that the upcoming year can't possibly compare to what you've just experienced.

For others it's a relief. A fresh start. A longing to forget the struggles, the sorrow, the stress of the previous year and move forward. To get out of the current whole and move forward.

But the one thing I keep hearing in my soul is the best is yet to come. And that is certainly true when you serve God.

That doesn't mean there will be no sorrow or struggle in the upcoming year, but that even in those struggles, if you seek Him, He will be ever present. You will be nearer to His heart than before.

The best is yet to come.

It does mean you can look forward in hope, joyful expectation of seeing God come through again. Expectation of being led by his spirit. Just waiting to see how God will show himself strong in your every day.

So I look forward to a new year, knowing it will hold both joys and sorrows, tests and triumphs. Because I know whose I am and who holds my tomorrow and he exceeds my expectations.

Shift

I guess it was about a week ago when I heard this worship song that has just been my song this week. Every time I hear it or start singing it, there is an automatic focus shift from me to God. 

Now, I love to worship and there are a lot of songs I like, but this one just hits me differently. I love worship songs that I can relate to that are Biblically sound. There are several that speak about going through valleys and finding God in the middle of the struggle. Really good stuff, but this song is ALL ABOUT HIM!! There is no room for my self absorbed pouting or whining or thinking at all about what I am going through. 

And I love that. It reminds me this life and all I do and all I face is really all about Him and His purposes and His plans and not at all about me.

And no matter what, He is worthy of all my praise, all my effort, all I have to sacrifice to him.

For from you are all things and to you are all things. You deserve the glory.

Christmas Perspective

This morning I woke up late (7:40) and my house was still quiet, which was a Christmas miracle. My kids never sleep in this late, especially not on Christmas. Yesterday must have worn them out. After our morning worship service, we want to lunch for Katelynn's birthday, had ice cream for dessert, made a birthday cake for Jesus and opened Christmas jammies. All this after 2 days of Christmas festivities. They were in bed normal time and then slept in.

Anyways before I actually got out of bed, I started praying. Most years Christmas is probably one of my least favorite days. I think my expectations for my kids are too high and I end up disappointed. I get mad when they are ungrateful or feel like I spend all day cleaning up while all they do is play. I know these are both normal, so I don't think it's them that's the issue but my perspective and expectations.

So I started praying early in hopes of changing my attitude. Of having a normal Christmas. One where I didn't take my disappointment out on my kids. I started intentionally thanking Jesus for coming to earth and praying he would help me find my joy and peace in him, especially on this day where I tend to expect others to satisfy me by being thankful or appreciative of all my work for them. So before I got my feet out of bed, I decided it was okay if they were ungrateful, okay if they didn't like their gifts, okay if they enjoyed their presents while I cleaned up. Because today I was focused on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.

And with God's strength I made it through, focused and filled with joy and peace rather than frustrated and angry. And just for the record they were grateful and helpful more than in previous years, or maybe I just noticed the good instead of the bad.

And it showed me one thing. Not that I am anything, but that if I start my day in his presence, setting my perspective on him, He will give me the strength to make it through victorious over my selfish and sinful tendencies. And he will help you too if you take the time to get his perspective rather than relying on your normal.

Wrapping Up

Can y'all believe we are almost to the end of 2017? I'm not sure how each year flies by faster than the previous, but it sure feels like it.

And every year I try to take some time and reevaluate me. To look back at my goals for the year and see if they were accomplished and to look forward to where I want to be in the next year. And if my last two Sunday School lessons are any indication of what I feel I need to work on,  for 2018, I'm looking for an attitude change. (On a side note, I'm always amazed that no matter how long you have been serving Jesus, he has a way of continuing to raise the standard in your life. To challenge you to be closer to him, to love more like him and respond more like he would. My human self would think that as some point the struggles would lessen, but I've learned there is always something new God will require to stretch you. And that the closer we get to Jesus, the more we realize our fallen state.)

My goal (okay, what God has pushed me towards) is an attitude of gratefulness instead of complaining and love/grace instead of criticizing. I'm so critical and can be such a complainer. Maybe not in public where everyone sees or knows, but definitely in my own home. I don't know what I think I'm accomplishing by either of these things. I've told my class these past two weeks that to change our attitudes, we have to have a heart change because thats the source of our attitudes. Complaining words or criticism doesn't just leave our lips without first resonating deep within who we are. And the only way I know to change my heart and my over-analysis of others is to pray for those I complain about or am critical towards. I jokingly told my class that my prayer list is long and the Holy Spirit nudged me saying , "if you really did what you want your students to do, that list would be longer than it really is."

So here I go. Praying for those I'm critical of. Praying grateful prayers instead of complaining whining ones.

Honestly I've gotten away from praying for people in an effort to keep my prayers more worshipful and less selfish but maybe it just kept me from seeing my disobedience or dealing with my junk. Maybe I was in denial or avoiding it all together.

Another thing that hit me today was that when people don't see importance in what I'm trying to offer, I get angry and annoyed. I take some high horse, throwing a tantrum because it's not going my way. So I definitely have some pride issues to deal with too.

Oh boy. I hate dealing with my stuff. I much prefer praying for someone else's struggles than doing my part to deal with my own. But I'm gonna put on my big girl panties and do what I should instead of waiting for everyone else to fix themselves and make my life closer to what God desires.

The Power of the Gospel

I took the kids to see The Star at the theater today. They all really enjoyed it. I'm always a little hesitant to see movies that take a Bible story and remake it for the sake of entertainment. I'm a little leary of what changes have to be made and how it will alter how people view God and his plan, but this one was pretty good. The main thing I saw that wasn't Biblical (apart from the fact that there is an additional storyline about the animals looking for their purpose) was the wise men showing up at the manger, which is definitely not uncommon.

When the end of the movie was near and the sweet baby Jesus was born in that stable and laid in the manger, all the animals bowed down to give him the honor due to the Messiah. Even through the animation and goofy characters and talking animals, the power of the gospel message was clearly felt.

I was reminded how the Bible has power no other book has. How it's stories are not good motivational pieces, but life changing truth that carries through all time and all generations. Truth that even animation and an attempt to hold even the youngest child's attention cannot overshadow.

What a great way to go into the Christmas season! With a powerful reminder of the importance of the gift God gave. The gift of his son. The only gift perfect enough to provide a way for us to have relationship with God!

Praise God for his selfless gift!

Holiday Humbug

Consider yourself blessed if your Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations don't include a little bit of drama. The kind brought by misunderstandings and hurt feelings within the family you are at least somewhat obligated to see during these 6 weeks.

So here's my 2 cents...starting with 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 NLV

When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ's authority for your benefit so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

Holding grudges is stupid. Unforgiveness, even when deserved and justified, only hurts the holder of offenses. It doesn't get even or make things fair, it only hurts you more and more. It hinders your ability to enjoy life. It keeps you from many good things God has for you.

We forgive others for ourselves and not because they have earned it or even asked for forgiveness. We forgive so our eyes can be opened to not only what God has but the devil's schemes. We forgive so we can move forward and live in the glorious freedom only God gives. And even though it can be hard, forgiveness is worth the letting go.

We are able to forgive by God's power in us. Yes, it takes time to remind yourself you have forgiven them.  I've had to consciously pray for certain people multiple times a day to keep myself from picking back up the hurt and the offense I had chosen to forgive.

But freedom is worth it.

So, I encourage you to reach out in reconciliation and show grace and mercy even to those who don't ask for it or deserve it. As you have been forgiven by Jesus, offer forgiveness. Show love even if it isn't returned.

And if there is no reciprocation, you can walk away knowing you have done your part and the ball is in their court.

Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

5 Years

Seth is five years old today. There is just something about the number 5 that seems so old. Like my baby isn't a baby any more. He's getting so big so fast! I'm so proud of all he is learning at preschool both academically and socially.

But this morning on the way to work I found myself wiping years from my eyes. Not because I was overly emotional my baby is growing up, but because I was reminded of a time in my life when this looked like it would never be for me. When I feared we would never have children, that we would always be just the two of us. I clearly remember praying and hoping that I would be next, that my turn would come. I remember being passed up time and again. Sitting through baby showers, trying  to be happy for others when I  felt like I was dying inside. I remember feeling punished and overlooked by God.

And I remember the still small voice deep within that kept urging "just trust me." Even though my emotions were a wreck some of the time and it was probably one if the hardest times in my life, I chose to trust in a God that had never failed me before over the monthly disappointment and tendency to live in despair.

And once again God was true to his word. So I can't get through another birthday without taking time to give thanks to God for his perfect plan. For his supernatural provision and perfect timing.

And when I'm faced with what appears impossible, I am reminded that while I am waiting, God is working. And nothing is too hard for Him.

Mighty To Save

There is one thing we all have in common. We are all sinners in need of a Savior. In my conversations lately I keep coming back to that. We all compare ourselves to each other and determine who needs a savior the most based on how we see ourselves and each other's sins and struggles. We rank sin based on whatever criteria we are comfortable with  and we classify people.

But God doesn't do that. We have all missed the mark, from the goodie goodie all the way to the "worst" murderer or rapist.

And we all need a Savior. A mighty Savior.

Because even if over time we get comfortable with the idea that Jesus saves, we should never discount the miracle of the saving power of Jesus. Not just anyone can save us from our sins, bridge the gap between the holiness of God and the sinfulness of man. Our sins required a perfect sacrifice. A spotless lamb.

And God planned for that mighty Savior from before the foundation of the world. No one else has the might, the ability to satisfy the payment required for our sin.

But Jesus was made mighty enough to save us. To bring us back to relationship with him. Praise God!!

Savior, he can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save.
He is mighty to save.
Forever author of salvation.
He rose and conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.

Relationships

Had lunch with a friend today. A much needed, over due lunch. Reminded  me how important relationships are.

I don't have many close friends, less than 5. There are a few reasons for that. I'm pretty picky when it comes to friends. I've been misunderstood a few times and it keeps me careful with who I let get close. But when I do decide I can trust you (which tends to be more of a God given instinct than a test of time) I'm quickly very loyal and dive in completely.

I truly believe my few close friends are God given. They strengthen and encourage me and push me. We can disagree and discuss things and it only increases our respect and deepens our friendships. I love that! Our backgrounds are different which enables us to share different perspectives and stretch each other to be more like Jesus.

I'm so thankful for people who will invest themselves in me and allow me to do the same for them. I wouldn't want to do life without them. I'm so blessed!

Stirring Hearts

I know I've said this more than once, especially lately, so if you feel like you've already heard this and I'm being redundant, feel free to skip on by. I'm seeing God's hand on hearts so clearly right now.  There are several people who God has opened up my eyes to kind of see what they are going through and I've begun to pray for them. When people talk, I listen and I'm hearing so much more than what they are saying (if that even makes sense). God's been leading my prayers very specifically for these people and it's pretty awesome!

The main thing I'm seeing is that people are looking and I'm not really sure they even know what they are looking for, but I feel like God is bringing them to a place where they can see their own condition. And my prayer more times than not has been, "God keep on stirring." As long as people are in a place of dissatisfaction, that's a good thing. It's when people think everything's fine that they are in a dangerous place. When they rely on their selves and are fooled into thinking they can handle it all, they don't see any need for God.

On a kind of unrelated note, I love that I have friends who God uses to stir me. Who share what God's been showing them and it just blows me away. I like to be challenged. I like to be forced to study or look something up, cause it's in those moments that I grow. I love that discussion and Im so grateful for those friendships!

God, keep stirring, keep drawing, keep pulling us and we will answer.

13 Years

Monday, May 1st is our wedding anniversary. 13 years. This weekend we are celebrating with a movie night tonight (we like to Redbox it) and date day tomorrow including going to the shooting range, lunch at Papadeauxs, and pedicures. Bj planned the day and told me what we are doing which I am totally okay with. At this point in our relationship, I really don't care what we do to celebrate and would much rather he make decisions and I can just be there to participate. He knows me pretty well (we've been together for more than half of my life) and does great picking things we both enjoy.

If someone would have told me all the adventures we would go through in the past years, I probably wouldn't have believed them. See, he is not the same person I married and I'm not the same person he married. And that's a good thing.

  

I strongly believe that love is a choice, not a warm fuzzy feeling that is based on circumstances. When you get married you have no idea how your relationship will change and grow. How you will each separately and together become who God wants you to be. And that's why you have to choose to love them always. Choose to keep falling in love over and  over again. Choose to hold on tighter to each other when you face bumps on the road and not let go when things change. Because they will change.

 

I am convinced that God gave me Bj to do life with. To help me through the changes and seasons of life, and I him. We are a team, working together to accomplish God's purpose for each of us and together as a family. And as with any good partnership, we are so much better together than each of us alone.

Babe, I'm thankful for you. For the way you support me and love me. For the qualities you bring out in me and balance you bring to my life. For your leadership and friendship. For being an awesome dad for our kids and parenting partner. For all that you do and all that you are. I choose to love you and cherish you today and always!

In the Books

The first Sunday with our new pastor is done. And we definitely made the right choice. Or at least that's how I feel.

I remember seeing his resume the first time through and I remember feeling excited. And hopeful. And a bit apprehensive. He was younger than most of the applicants, but had some good pastoral experience in a smaller church. I was unsure if he was as good in person as on paper, if we'd get along with him, if they'd be our friends, if he was the one or if I just wanted another family our age in the church.

He tried out and the service seemed to go almost too smoothly. He was the second in line of three candidates. The people seemed to respond to him. There was excitement in the air.

But was it God's leading or just hype? You know how you go to a special service and have a great speaker and it is very easy to get overwhelmed by the charisma, only to notice later that is all it was? Yeah, I didn't want that for a pastor, I wanted God's man and I tried so hard to discern the difference.

So we voted and he was elected, by almost 80% of the vote. I was so glad that the church body for the most part was in unison. Such a big decision and I really prayed for it to be a unifying vote and not a dividing one. And God answered. Praise God!

Within days of the vote, they had invited us to their home. It was such a great night. Kids playing around us and just good fellowship with our new pastors. The transition has been relatively easy. And the fit is just right. I can't really describe it any other way. They have found their new family and we have found our new leader.

There is a big difference between the prior pastor and this one (not better or worse, just different) and still it's going to be good. I feel like I just keep saying that. He has a pastor's heart for the church and a heart for God. I'm so honored to be a part of this church under his leadership and am excited to see what God will do!

I hope that Pastor's Sid and Heather feel as loved as they are at RLC. Welcome home!