Losing Heart

Ever been tired? Worn out? Done?

And if you are a stubborn one, like I am, who refuses to give up, we always find a way to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, to muster whatever strength we can and keep going. Because we don't really have a choice. Because someone or something depends on us going on.

But maybe the reason we live in the cycles of strength and success and worn out and tired is because our priorities are wrong. Because we are so focused on ourselves and our way and our dreams, we forget why we can't lose heart.

It's not because the world can't go on without us or because no one else can do it to the standard we've set for ourselves and our lives and our ambitions. No, we must not lose heart for a reason much bigger than that. Gods ways are always big picture while our thoughts are stuck on us, the world we live in, how it affects what is important to us.

II Corinthians 4:1 says, "Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry,  we do not lose heart."

The reason I am able to keep going when the kids are arguing all day and I mess things up at work is because it's not about me. God, in his great mercy, because he sees so much more in me than I do, has given me a ministry. Not any different than any other Christian, we all have a calling and ministry to love others, to be Jesus on earth. And because of this great ministry and responsibility, we cannot lose heart. There are people to love and seeds to be planted. We each have a job we have to do for His Kingdom sake.

And that is why we can't lose heart. Because we have been entrusted with a treasure in these jars of clay. A treasure that must be shared at all costs.

What does God's presence feel like?

Last night during our Bible time with the kids Haley asked me how it feels when God is near you. I tried to describe it as warmth or like a big hug but on the inside, or goose bumps, but really words don't even begin to describe it. She really wants to feel God, so I'm praying that he will let her feel he is near. I was kinda at a loss as to what to tell her to do except ask God to help her feel him.

Last night in The Battlefield of the Mind, I read that it really all begins with being aware of God's presence and love for us. If we don't quiet ourselves or let ourselves feel he is with us, we won't. I guess I have just learned to be aware of God's presence, so that all made sense to me. But how do you teach that to someone who has never experienced God? Based on some of the experiences and conversations Haley and I have had, I think she's felt God's presence before, but just didn't identify it as such.  It's so awesome as a mom to see your kids have a hunger for God!

Vacation is my Enemy

It is nice to get away for a few days and to get a break from work, but I am sure I am not the only parent who feels like vacation brings out the worst in me. I haven't decided if its just being with the kids 24 hours a day that wears on my patience or if I just care too much about what others think about my kids behavior or my parenting or both. I often find myself yelling and frustrated at the kids and feeling ignored and disrespected. And I am certainly not without fault. I don't handle the constant bickering well and am not good at ignoring the immaturity of kids when it comes to tattling and whining. Like nails on a chalkboard.

As God would have it (seeing how I don't believe in coincidence) I am reading two separate books and both have provided a kick in the gut, spotlighting my weaknesses. In The Battlefield of the Mind, Joyce Meyer points out that the devil loves to keep us critical of others ( in this case my kids) so we never see or deal with our own sin. She also states that "the mind of Christ in us is positive; therefore any time we get negative we are not operating in the mind of Christ."  Guilty as charged. I have got to stop being so negative and critical and let God give me a new positive perspective. It all starts with simply thinking positive thoughts which all starts by thinking about what I am thinking about.  And using God's word to fill my mind with positive thoughts.

The other book is talking about how many women put pressure on themselves to be or at least appear perfect. I struggle with this. Not because I really think I can make things perfect, but I find some safety in at least feeling in control of my life. And God gently reminds me through the writing of Holley Gerth "Beautiful daughter of mine, you don't need to be perfect. You are already perfectly loved."

And I know that God isn't rebuking or chastising me, but showing me his never-ending grace. So I am learning to not be so hard on myself and accept God's grace, forgive myself, get back up and keep going.

There are a few days left of this trip, so I am going to make it count. By being loving and gracious to my kids and myself and enjoying the last few moments we have before we are thrown back into normal life.

Around the Mountain

So many people are a victim of their own "stinkin' thinkin'". I am currently going through Joyce Meyers' The Battlefield of the Mind and God has really opened up my eyes to the torture we put ourselves through, especially women, because of the thoughts we let permeate in our minds that the devil sent to destroy us. We listen to them long enough and repeat them to ourselves and eventually believe negative things about our ability to be good moms and friends and such. And we feel hopeless all because of a lie the devil told us and we begin to believe, we get stuck in a vicious cycle.

Just like the Israelites. In Deuteronomy 1:2 we see that the Israelites wondered

In the desert for 40 years on a trip that should have taken 11 days. All because of the thoughts they allowed themselves to become the victims of. Wallowing in sorrow and self-pity, complaining the whole way, dragging their feet and whining as God was leading them to the promised land. 

We waste so much time when we are losing the spiritual battle in our thoughts by entertaining and dwelling on lies. Just like God said in verse 6 of the same chapter, we have been going around the same mountain long enough. God is waiting for his people to stand up to the devils lies and start winning back our thoughts and minds. We have to break those bad habits and let our minds be renewed by God's word on a daily basis.

So we can be the victors and no longer victims.

Free and no longer bound by our thoughts.

All that God has planned for us to be and do starts with us taking back our minds and living according to what He says about us and not the lies we've let control us for years.