New York Vacation Pictures

Maybe it's not about me...

Today I was driving to the gym and praying. I pray a lot while I'm in my car. It's just me and God and it's one of the places I am not easily distracted. While I was driving and singing and praying, a thought hit me. Ok, it was more like God put a thought in my head, but either way its something I've never really thought about.

Maybe this trial isn't just about me.

When we are going through stuff, as we all do, we look for some hope or some encouragement to help us endure. To help us be faithful to God when things don't make sense. We talk about all the scriptures that say "consider it joy when you face trials" and "God works everything for the the good of those who love him" and we find the determination to keep on believing for a miracle. Somehow knowing that God will provide and knowing that God is teaching us and stretching us during this difficult time makes it tolerable. But have you ever thought about the people watching you? The way you endure a trial and the way you are faithful to God when you don't understand and the way you keep going may be speaking loudly to someone around you. Maybe your trial is the one thing that will bring someone closer to God. Maybe your test is the example they will stand on, to believe that God will do something for them to. We all have those people, those stories of others that we hold on to, that give us hope that God has not forgotten us. What if your trial is someone else's hope? Then, I think we'd consider it worth it. If my pain and my struggle shows someone they aren't alone, shows them that God is worthy of holding on to, it is worth it. If I can hold on, maybe someone else will know they can cling closer to God during the difficult times. God made us a family for a reason. We need each other and our struggles are just a part of God's big plan for us to encourage each other and walk together through it all and come out victorious on the other side by God's grace.

Smorgasbord Sunday - a little of this, a little of that

-Ever prayed for something and then moved on, only to see God be faithful and answer your prayers after you had almost forgotten what you asked for? We are human, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who this has happened to. For me, prayer request rotate in cycles. Not in a planned cycle but based on how God is speaking to me or how he is changing my heart during that time of my life. There are some people I always pray certain days of the week, because they depend on me and I owe it to them, and because God is faithful. Generally I depend on God to bring people and situations to my mind as he wants me to pray for them. He knows best. I actually find that when I've totally given a situation to God, trusting him completely, I don't even pray about it any more. It isn't because the situation is taken care of, but it isn't heavy on my heart any more and I simply trust God to take care of things. So today God answered two of those prayers for me. When I least expected it, when I had moved on, just trusting God to be who he said he was. Because his timing is perfect, always. Praise God! So just when you think it is worthless, never give up because with God all things are possible. -God speaks, you obey, or at least that's the way it is ideally. For me it usually goes more something like God speaks, I question him and make sure it's him, I talk myself out of obeying, I freak out, think of all the possible bad results, I dread obedience, and then I obey. True to form, today I finally obeyed God with something I've been struggling with. You know, it is never as bad as the devil convinces you it is going to be. That's how he gets to you. He uses fear, hoping that you'll never obey and God will never get the opportunity to show off. So, for me, I do usually eventually obey, and God's will is accomplished. If I could just get myself to skip the whole freaking myself out part, this would be so much less stressful. Goodness, Sandra, why do you give the devil that control? I've got to obey faster and not give myself the time or opportunity to over think everything. -Tax season is over and now the boredom/depression sets in. You get so used to working a lot of hours mentally and physically that after its over, the days drag on forever. Now if I can just survive until Thanksgiving that would be nice. -Got some Christmas shopping done yesterday with B.J. Three down, 532 to go. (It's really not as bad as it sounds, but exaggeration makes things more interesting ) -Still getting more info on more kids. We haven't submitted our home study for any kids yet, but in God's time it'll all come together. Hope you enjoyed your tasting of the different things roaming around in my head. Till Later!

Being Me

So I've been dealing with a few tense situations for a while. Like walking on eggshells, tense. I've been waiting for something, someone to break the tension. Don't wait on anyone to do what you should do yourself. I was trying to get away from the craziness instead of getting in the thick of it and dealing. I don't deal well, I don't do confrontation well, but I got over myself and did only what I can do. And that is be me. So why do we always think someone else is going to remedy the situation? Why do we wait around on someone else instead of taking initiative? Because we are scared of the response we will get or the rejection we may have to endure. And then I am reminded that I can only control me and God won't give me more than I can handle. If God is putting me here, he must think I can handle a lot more than I think I can. By the way, the eggshells have disappeared, at least from my perspective, and I am free to be me again. No, I'm not going to pry where I am not welcome, but I won't be over-thinking every action every word again. Because my happiness is not dependent on man's approval but on God's and I know I'm right where he wants me.

Sunday Funday

Warning: Random Post -I love my Sunday School class! Absolutely love them. Love teaching them. We know we are exactly where God wants us for now. But today was hard. Ever since we took this class 3+ years ago God has been stretching me. Before we took the college/career class, we taught K-2nd grade and it was pretty easy. Yes, I came in early every so often to redecorate the room and get games and such together, but basically we did the lesson from the Sunday School literature plus a few fun things I'd learned in my years teaching kids before. At that age its easy to use the literature and make it applicable to them personally and know they are learning something. When we took the college/career class I immediately knew that no literature would fit the group of students we were getting. So I've asked God to speak to them through me. Every week I seek God for what they need to hear. I knew that I was obeying God today when we talked about guarding your heart, but for some reason the words couldn't come out of my mouth right and I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I know that with this group I don't usually see a great response to what I say, but today I felt like a failure. But God is faithful, always! And His word is powerful, always! And he doesn't depend on my abilities or competency to fulfill his plans. Isaiah 55:10-11 "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that is yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." -So God has prompted me to start studying His love in my devotion time in the upcoming weeks. I am trusting Him to show me things I haven't seen before and to speak to me, and He is always faithful. -No post would be complete without an adoption update. We were licensed for adoption this past Monday and have since been receiving information about kids available for adoption. It is kinda difficult to see the pictures and get the info and not fall in love. I told BJ I want to adopt every kid in the state of Texas that doesn't have a home and we need to get a bigger house. Ha! Just so you know, we won't be able to share very much info on here about our kids once we get them and before they are adopted because of the confidentiality agreement. I totally understand the purpose of keeping things quiet and we will just have to be vague for a bit. -5 more work days until work calms down through the holidays. I am definitely looking forward to a little reprieve from all the craziness in my life right now. Maybe I'll get some scrapbooking caught up. One can always hope! :) -Turbo Kickboxing is calling my name. Soon I'll be able to get back in that groove. I miss it. -Maybe BJ should post pics of the New York trip. (He's reading this as I write, so that may actually happen before Christmas.)

Are We There Yet?

As a child, we took many trips around the country for vacation or to visit family members. 12 hours to one set of grandparents and 14 to the other. Doing the trip about twice a year, we got used to it pretty quickly. At some point, I started asking for the map so I could follow where we were in relation to where we were going. I know that didn't make the trip any shorter, but I'm sure it kept me occupied for a few hours every trip and kept me from asking if we were almost to our resting spot for the night. I always knew we were almost to Grandpa and Grandma Daggett's when we turned at that gas station and started on the two lane road over quite a few hills. I always meant to count how many hills we had to pass before we would see their house, but I never could remember how many there were. Either way, once we turned down that road it was time for me to start putting all my toys in my backpack and get ready to unload into my grandparent's house. So on this adoption road, I would say we are almost to that turn at the gas station. We should be licensed in about a week or so at this point. At that time we'll have to lean on God to help us decide which kids we should submit our homestudy for. It's so weird to think about picking kids like you would clothes out of a catalog, but that's what we are preparing ourselves for. We've been told to not fall in love with the first kids you see. Do you realize how hard that is going to be for me? I fall in love with kids I see across the restaurant that I don't even get to hold or talk to and will never see again. I'll always remember this little girl I met in Nicaragua. I haven't actually thought about her in a while. I went there on a mission trip when I was 13. She didn't speak English and I couldn't speak Spanish, but I know she felt safe with me. Her dad, or whoever, was holding her and she was just crying and crying. I went over and reached out my hands to her to see if maybe I could help the situation and she came right to me. She immediately stopped crying and just laid her head on my shoulder. I sang to her a song she had no way to understand, but it brought a smile to her face. And when I would stop, she would look up at me with longing eyes, and I would continue to sing again. I don't know her name or have any idea where she is or what she is doing. I gave her dad my address so he could send me a copy of a picture he took of us, but I never received anything. How do you love a kid you can't communicate with? How do you bond so deeply so quickly? I don't know, but I suppose it has something to do with God's love, so deep and yet so irrational. It doesn't make logical sense to love someone who can offer you nothing, who can't express their feelings to you, and yet I loved her so much. So I anticipate loving our kids will be just like loving that girl. I can't say that I know what they will have been through, but I know that God's love never fails. I won't understand what they are feeling, because I haven't been there. My life has been so simple, so normal, relatively. The classes we have taken have tried to prepare us, but I'm pretty sure its all going to be inadequate. Because love doesn't make sense. You love with your heart, not your head. So I pray for our kids and I pray that God will help us love like he does. I pray that when we see/meet our kids that we'll just know they belong with us. Nope, we aren't there yet, but at least I can look at the map and know where we are in this process. I see how many more hills in the road, and I can see the next chapter of our lives around the corner.

Love Like You'll Never Get Hurt

Here's a quick update on the adoption process. We took our last class today and had the home-study this past Thursday. They told us we should be licensed in 2-3 weeks. This is very exciting and scary at the same time! But we can handle this with God's help, or maybe I should say God can handle it with our help. That's really the way it all works. There is so much new territory coming to us since we will potentially go from zero kids to a house-full. Just so you all know, once we are licensed, the adoption coordinator will send us profiles of kids that meet our requirements and we decide if we want our home-study submitted for those kids. CPS gets home-studies from all the agencies and decides who will be matched with the kids based on that information they have. At that point we just pray that God will match us with our kids and we trust for his perfect will. The home-study went well, I think. There were no questions we didn't kind of anticipate or know were coming. How were we raised, what we would do differently from our parents, what are our strengths, etc. I was able to ask some logistics questions and I feel much better. Mala told us that since we are straight adoption, we will have plenty of time to get the rooms ready once we meet the kids so they can be painted/decorated according to their likes and styles. She also told me we'd have plenty of time to get car seats and that kind of logistical thing. We have two empty rooms, but they are in no way ready for kids at this point. They are basically empty, but we are waiting until we know the genders, ages, etc of kids we are matched with. My dad got a cabinet installed in our laundry room so we could store poisons out of reach and have a place to lock up meds (state requirement). Yippee! Nothing is currently locked, but nothing needs to be at this point and we are ready when that comes. Ok, now to the topic of my post. Many years ago (I don't actually know how long ago) my Pastor/Uncle went on a trip and brought back some small gifts for me and my sister. This time he brought these little marble plaques with sayings on them. Mine said "Love Like You'll Never Get Hurt." I love that saying. When we are hurt, either on purpose or accidentally, we tend to hold those hurts for a long time. We let it change the way we treat the offender and change the way we think about them. We live with more reserve, more caution, afraid that anything we do will cause us to be hurt again. It hinders us from being passionate and giving ourselves fully to many things in our lives. I have always taken this saying to mean forgive and move on past your hurt. I have realized it isn't just about forgiving the person who hurt you, which we need to do, but we have to forgive ourselves for anything we may have done to bring on the hurt. I am not saying it is ever our fault when someone hurts us, but depending on the situation, after we have forgiven the offender, we often look back at the situation and say, "if only I wouldn't have.... then I wouldn't have been so hurt" or "if I would have done....I would have healed faster and moved on." By asking ourselves these questions and re-living the moment time and time again, we haven't forgiven ourselves. There are multiple things going on with me that have initiated me asking myself the question, "Do I love fully? Can I love with every fiber of my being, knowing that I will get hurt again, but not letting those past things hinder my love?" God created us to be people of total abandon, loving without regret and without holding anything back. Am I doing that? My kids, my friends, my family deserve my love. God deserves my all. I refuse to hold myself back, selfishly, in case I may get hurt. I am determined to love completely, to give myself fully to whatever God is calling me. I will put my heart out there, because if I don't, I'm not really living. I'm not really loving as if I'll never get hurt.