Adoption - 4 Years Later

I saw a Wednesday's child clip this week about a sibling group of 3 boys who are looking for a kind family to adopt them together. They talked about how happy they would be to be able to stay together and they just need someone to love them.

For a split second I felt like adopting them all. I actually cried. And then I realized I already have. Oh, the TV clips are so deceiving and so easily allow you to idealize what it will be like to bring three new kids into your family. How nice and polite they will be and how sweet they will respond to you, even when they have to be disciplined. (ha!) But you have to remember, you are still choosing to be a parent, and parenting is not all sunshine and roses. For any parent.

It is so easy to lose perspective. We are coming up on 4 years since the finalization of the adoption of our three kiddos.  I forgot how I initially felt when we saw my kids' pictures (both times). How my heart hurt for the things they had to endure and how I wanted so badly to come rescue them and love them the way they deserved to be loved.  I forgot about the excitement of being chosen to be their parents.  The way Katelynn stayed close by my side during the visits and wanted me to carry her. She was the most shy and scared initially. Daniel and Haley were trying to impress us with their toys and skills. How they openly showed they needed us with constant hugs and thank you's. They wanted us to parent them, to pick them (for lack of a better term). And we wanted a family.

And God chose to put us all together.

Oh, I'm so grateful for his divine plan. For giving me a family and giving them a home. It's so easy to get stuck in the yuck of life and forget that there is a purpose. That God put them here. That he gave them to us. The most precious gifts. And I love them so much! Even when they don't want to obey and don't run to me with thank yous and gratitude. I still love them and need them and want them.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but it definitely gives you a glimpse of how our heavenly father feels about us. We were each adopted into his family. Now, sometimes, we act like spoiled rotten children and want to do things our own way, but he still chose us, knowing there would be days like that. Desiring to provide for us as only he can (even if we won't let him). So today I choose to feel grateful. For the adoption of my physical children into my family and our adoption into God's family.

Friend, you are loved and cherished and wanted!

 

Off the Grid

Tonight I am turning off the baby monitor and going to sleep. Last night I went to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep and was woken up 4 times by Julia. She didn't eat every time, but she would fuss and I'd get up to put her pacifier back in and go back to bed.

Between teething and me being inconsistent with evening feedings, although she generally goes 4 hours between feedings at night, I am getting up twice to feed her usually.  And there is just no reason for that. I actually went back to look and see when I started sleeping without a baby monitor for Seth and I can't find it. I was reassured to know his crazy sleeping and eating schedule was in full force at about this age too. Since it's summer time and I'm not as concerned about the kids sleep as during school (sorry guys) now is as good as time as any for Julia to figure out how to put herself back to sleep when she wakes up and it isn't time to eat, or maybe even to stretch out her eating at night. And if she is hungry she will make sure I know it and I'll wake up anyways.

Reading back in old blog posts about Seth, I was glad to note that in general Julia's sleeping is going better than Seth did. At some point he starting sleeping with us for part of the night when he was sick. I think Julia has only also with us for one night ever, so that's improvement. I guess I'm not as much of a push over as I thought. Seth was also super clingy to me at this age and teething at this age.

Speaking of teething, Julia's third tooth came in and the fourth will soon follow.

I have been kinda hard on myself for not blogging as much lately, but I've decided that's okay. Instead of blogging about my life with my great family, I am living it and am proud of myself for that. I wouldn't mind having some more things documented, but catching up is a killer. Maybe I'll blog some in the next week or maybe not. I am determined to scrapbook our upcoming vacation (with the girls help if they want to) before the end of the summer. I can go back and catch up later, but really want to keep the current stuff done within a reasonable time afterward.

Oh and Julia is 17lbs7oz and 27 inches long at about 9.5 months old. She wears size 9-12 months so she is right on size. She loves pulling up on things and chooses to move around by scooting on her bottom rather than crawling. She also puts everything in her mouth. These two things combined make me have to baby proof my house more and keep my eyes on her. She is the sweetest smiliest little girl and brings us so much joy!

Be a leader, not a Follower

As a parent, you go through each day, imparting words of wisdom to your kids (or lecturing depending on your perspective) hoping, praying they will take hold of some nugget of truth and run with it.

I don't really know when my morning peptalk turned from "please make good choices" and "can we make it through one day without a phone call?" to "be a leader, not a follower," but that one phrase seems to be sinking in. I didn't really know I changed my tune, but now that I'm seeing some changes, I know it was a God thing. The girls were even telling their horses on Saturday to be leaders and not followers by not taking a snack break when they were supposed to be walking. I guess that's when I realized they have been listening.

Unfortunately our public schools are filled with kids who follow the crowd and not in a positive way and my kids are struggling to find their way (obviously some schools more than others). I'm not sure when doing the right thing made you the minority, but that is what I see as a parent. It's disappointing at best.

On that same note, we are applying to get the kids in a public charter school next year where there will hopefully be less negative influences and more positive. The one we are looking at was founded by a SAGU former professor and has some SAGU alumni in their administration and faculty. I really feel like this is where my kids need to be, so I'm praying for favor in the application process and for available space in each of their grades. God knows where they need to be, so I trust him to make a way if this is it.

Awakens

Your love is greater, your love is stronger, your love awakens awakens awakens me. ~Phil Wickham

Ever been asleep spiritually? Feel like your life is on pause? In a rut? Stuck? I'm sure we all have at some time in our lives.

Well God wants you awake, alive, and not just coasting through life as it comes at you.

Because although sleeping people aren't dead, they aren't productive or successful either.

I fully understand that being asleep is easier than dealing with the devil and fighting when he attacks. I also know for those same reasons the devil wants us to be asleep as long as possible. We have to resist the urge to just barely get by spiritually.

God wants you, needs you, awake and alive so his purposes can be fulfilled on earth as it is in heaven.

So He sends his love to wake you up. Not His condemnation or judgement because he's seen us sleeping when we should have been awake, but His love.

And honesty, our time to live awake and make an impact for the kingdom is now! No more sleeping! Time to rise and shine!

Rainy Mornings

I'm laying here in my bed listening to the rain hit my windows. I just love the rain. It makes me want to stay inside with a good book or take a long nap. Something about the rain brings peace and refreshing to my soul. It encourages me to slow down the busyness of life and just enjoy being still for a little while.

And the rain brings with it changes. A change of weather or atmosphere. A cleaning out of the old and growth of the new.

We are in the midst of some changes ourselves around here. We are in the process of applying for the kids to attend a public charter school in the fall. The idea of this specific charter has come up a few times recently from different people, so we decided to go for it and pray for God to open doors if this is where they need to be. I'm trying to get them somewhere where they can be more successful and school will not be such a struggle for them.  I think they'll each benefit from a different atmosphere, smaller class size, and different set of peers. They each struggle in different ways, so if we can get in and if it helps one of them, it will be worth it. Besides, if it doesn't work out, they can always go back to public school. I figure it can't hurt to try and am praying God will lead us in this.

I am not someone who enjoys change, so when I want to explore change for them, you know God must be working. Ha!

Right now, I just am ready for the summer. The kids are going to spend some time at Mathnasium this summer to help them gain some confidence in math and solidify some math concepts before the new school year begins. I'm doing that instead of daycare for a month.

Whatever changes come with the new school year (whether the normal new year changes or a totally new school system) I know God will be with us and them as we navigate whatever God has for us.

Forfeit

Forfeit - the act of giving up, usually motivated by ones belief in the impossibility of winning under the current circumstances.

Today I have had the hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" running through my head. Mainly the line that says oh, what peace we often forfeit...all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

How often do we voluntarily give up our peace as a result of the circumstances we find ourselves in? Jesus promised us his peace in the middle of the troubles of this world and yet, often we expect our peace to come from outside of us rather than from within, where the peace giver lives. And so our circumstances dictate our ability to have peace.

This is not what Jesus intended. He promised that we would have troubles in this world and that he would be our peace in the storm.

If I'm being quite honest, the circumstances I am dealing with right now are not pleasant. At all. But I am choosing to have peace. Because Jesus has promised to provide it.

Mother's Day Musings

I remember what it was like to want to be a mom and be childless. I remember being honored at church as a "spiritual mom" to many when I had no children of my own. And although it was a nice idea to not leave anyone out, being the one woman honored without any kids of her own seemed to draw attention to my lack.

And I cried and prayed and acted like it didn't bother me (all in the cycle of emotions at different times.) I tried to stay busy and distracted. Often times, I really was okay, finding my firm footing on the Rock of Jesus and was able to stand, for a little while, until another month would roll by or another person (with totally good intentions) would give advice on how to get pregnant.

All that to say I have been there. I do understand what that is like. And I am so grateful for one of the hardest times in my life, because God had to teach me to trust him. I have definitely not arrived now, nor am I perfect at trusting him, but I do know God knows what he is doing, especially when he won't indulge me with the details I long for.

And then all of the sudden (which didn't seem so suddenly until it happened) I am a mother of 5 great kids. (How did 4.5 years fly by so fast?) And I am a mother in the trenches in every sense of the word. It is not always fun, but I am careful to not forget where I came from. What I endured to get here. That God brought me to this place. And that even on the toughest days, these kids are a blessing, all of them, and God uses them to teach me so many things about myself and his plan (mainly things I don't want to admit I tend to do wrong).

God knew. He always knows how things will turn out.

And he still knows how things will turn out. I still have a lot of questions about my kids. As a mom, I want to do what is best for them, and honestly, I don't know what that is most of the time. We struggle together and with God's grace His plans will come to fulfillment in their lives. In my life. In our family.