Learning to Listen

Laying in bed in our awesome cabin in the woods and listening. There are few car noises and no one yelling at each other or needing my attention. Listening to the quiet.

Listening is a skill and it is learned intentionally.

Many relationships suffer because one or both parties don't know how to listen. Oh, we are good at reacting and defending ourselves, but do we really listen to understand or just to respond? To get our two cents in. I am as guilty as the next guy.

What about with God? Do we ask for answers and then not listen for a response? My kids are notorious for this. If we really asked God to get an answer and not just as as venting mechanism, wouldn't we listen for a response? That is called communication: one speaks while the other listens and then you switch roles.

So when we listen, what is God saying? God speaks to me a lot and not because I'm anything awesome, but because he has taught me how to be a listener. I'm naturally a doer and a planner and a analyzer, so I've had to learn to turn all of that off and just listen. With no thought to my expectations of what God is saying but just listening to really hear what he says. God speaks a lot and when he is silent, that is also God speaking.

I think we often separate the physical world we live in from the spiritual world in which God moves and speaks. When we realize these are connected, existing together, we are just beginning to hear and see everything God is doing and saying around us.

Bare Minimum

I have a friend who needs a physical miracle for her son. She went to Facebook to ask her community to pray, if they were the praying kind, for peace and wisdom.

As I started to pray for them and him, I couldn't help but think how often we expect bare minimums from God rather than the miraculous. Now, I have no idea what their beliefs are, but I know that God can do so much more than she even asked for. I serve a God who can do miracles, grow missing limbs and body parts, raise from the dead, but we are often too scared or reserved to ask God for miracles. We limit the hand of God by our asking.

Now I am fully aware that it's risky to put your full trust in God, because sometimes he doesn't give us what we ask for. But sometimes he does!! What have we missed because we haven't asked God?

God, help me to have faith to believe your word and ask you for all that you can do, not limiting you according to my plans and thoughts about your provision or willingness to answer!

It is Well With My Soul

So January has come and gone, already. The 2 crazy weeks getting payroll forms completed are behind me and I'm getting back to normal.

My life seems to be surrounded by change right now. There is the looming pastoral election, additional responsibilities at church, change at work, BJ schedule change in addition to the normal (which is always at least a little up in the air with 5 kids and 7 schedules to keep an eye on.)

And yet in the middle of this all, I'm at peace. Because God is my peace. My ability or inability to control everything does not determine the status of my soul.

The old me would have been stressed to the max, breaking into tears if someone looked at me wrong, but not anymore. If nothing else, this season is proving to myself that God has done a great work in me. Praise God!

Wednesday night, I had the privilege of speaking in the adult Bible study. My primary scripture was from Joshua 1:5 where God encouraged Joshua that he would be with him through the transition to leadership just like he was with Moses. As our life focus changes from making everything perfect and appear like we have it all together to being closer to God than ever before and obeying his direction each day, the details of this life seem rather insignificant. They are not worth losing my peace over, that's for sure.

OK, now for a quick update on the kids.

Haley (13) is doing well at school. Taking responsibility for her work and just overall growing up rather than feeling the need to argue when she doesn't agree or act out to get attention. I'm so proud of her.

Daniel (11) has the desire to do well and is learning to have self control and refocus himself when he gets distracted. He is taking responsibility for his choices, able to redirect himself rather than letting one incident ruin his whole day, and apologizing to teachers and friends when needed. Math is his best subject, which I love. I always knew math came naturally for him, but we had to get to a place where he could pay attention and not dread the work. It's been a self confidence issue and I think we are getting over that hurdle.

Katelynn (10) is doing well. Math is her weakest subject, but she is getting better and better at it. They are working on telling time right now, which she is happy about because she gets that. Science has always been her strong suit. She is still talking about being a nurse when she grows up, which I think is a good fit for her.

Seth is being a strong willed 4 year old. He is in that stage where he wants to do everything by himself, but he gets frustrated when it isn't perfect. For example, he asks one of us to make him a bite because he gets mad when his food falls off the fork. He can count to over 100, recognizes most letters and he just started learning to write/trace his letters. He asks us to spell words for him from time to time, loves rhyming, and singing songs. I am looking at a preschool/mother's day out program starting in the fall. I'm thinking 2 days a week so if anyone has recommendations that would be great.

Julia is 17 months old and as sweet as can be. Unlike Seth she is not a picky eater and loves feeding herself with spoons/forks even if she makes a message. She eats part of my dinner most nights and generally loves food. I've just started giving her milk in a cup (like Seth of course) and last night she drank it all. She still nurses in the morning, but more for ease than because she needs to. She wants to control everything Seth does and more. She easily crawls up the stairs and scoots down on her bottom. (Seth always wanted to walk down the stairs which made me nervous).

She loves to talk and says a lot of words: Seth, Daniel, Haley, Sissy (Katelynn is too hard right now), mommy, dad, table (sounds like apple and means she want to eat), run, jump, bubbles, bottle, trash, cup, side (outside), song, music, Nana, Papa, Ama (Grandma), Apa (Grandpa), no, mine, up, down, apple, snack, wet, swing, pop, fishies (sounds like Aggies), baby, Neno (Nana's dog Reno), Mimi (which is either Mickey or Minnie Mouse), pease (please), owie (when she hurts herself), head, nose, eyes, hair, knee, toes, shoe, sock, march, walk and she repeats anything you tell her.

She loves music, singing and dancing, and we can usually stop her from crying by turning music on. I lay her down with her baby and blanket awake and she goes right to sleep at night and occasionally at nap time. I don't have her often for naps, so she tends to fight that more.

She is very independent and likes to get herself dressed and undressed with a little help. For comparison sake, I'm just now getting Seth to help me get himself dressed and undressed. He can do it but has just never shown interest. Maybe it's boy vs girl, maybe it's just Julia vs Seth.

And just so this is out there, and to deter the unasked question, our family is complete. We have no plans for anymore children, 5 is enough. I think my boss has this fear I'm gonna show up pregnant again because she has asked more than once lately. Haha! Unless God just wants to surprise us (which I wouldn't put past him), the Fowler 7 will stay the Fowler 7 until my kids get married, which is many years away.

I'd love to get in the routine of blogging more, but just haven't made it a priority. We will have to wait and see if I get in the groove again this year.

When Change Doesn't Look Like You Expect

I am the first to admit that I do not like change. But I also know that many changes are beyond my control and fighting it very rarely changes the outcome. So I've learned that as much as I'd like to drag my feet, that only makes the transition process more painful and usually lengthens the grieving process (for what was and will no longer be).

So I try to rip off the bandaid when it comes to change. To immerse myself in all that is new and get to the new normal as quickly as possible.
And I hoped others would do the same.

But that would be too easy and I would miss the opportunity to show patience and gentleness, which apparently God thinks I need. :)

But in the midst of it all, I have found support in family and friends for which I am grateful. And strength from God to keep trodding forward through the mud.

It will get better. Of that I am sure.

And God will have his way. Like he always does.

And I will come out stronger than before.

It's just sad it has to be so difficult.

( That was the most vague yet specific post and I am sure there will never be another like it.)

Back Again...Kinda

It's been a long while. Life had been life and honestly, the thrill of blogging just isn't what it used to be. I never blogged for other people, but it feels good to get the link to my blog "liked" or for others to leave comments when I post.

Or maybe the hesitation to share what God has been teaching me is due to feeling like not all things are for others to see but are more between He and I. God has definitely still been speaking but in ways that aren't so easy to put into words. I guess I felt convicted of sharing too much in a service which has made me slow down and determine if things should be shared with others or not.

Today I had a friend tell me she enjoys reading my blog and hearing what God is saying to me and I guess it pushed me forward to at least update a little today.

As I reflect on the last year and look forward to the new, there are a few things I'd like to share.

The problem in communication is that we don't listen to understand, we listen to respond.

I think one of the things that causes me the most frustration is when I am misunderstood. I've been told that I don't think like others, that I'm difficult to understand. I am not perfect by any means (saved by the goodness of God and definitely not because I have it all together) but I really wish people would hear what I am saying and not read into it. I really have no desire to hurt people with my words and am generally trying to help others, but I have learned I am too honest. I call it like I see it. I assume that because I would want someone to shoot straight with me that everyone else values honesty that is helpful over flattery that is empty at best. But that isn't true. Many people expect you to sugar coat things and lie rather than be helpful with the truth. And so people manufacture my intentions so that they have a reason to reject what I am saying. And nothing I can tell you will make you change how you feel about me. Defending my honor and my character is so important to me and yet, I can't make someone believe my intentions are generally to help others.

So I have to be okay, apologizing where needed (especially when I feel that I did nothing wrong), and know that if no one else ever gets me, God does. And determine to be a good listener, genuinely trying to understand where others are coming from and not just convince them I'm right.

Our church is going through a transition as our pastor of 32 years is retiring. Tomorrow is his last day. I have mixed emotions. Pray for us please! We are a small church and just want God's will. I know change is hard, but I really want this to be as painless as possible. I know God has a plan. I'm helping fill in some of the services until we get a new pastor. I am on the schedule for Wednesday night Jan 4th.

God has been speaking through me more lately, and I am so honored for Him to choose me. It's made me grow a lot so I am grateful for the stretching hand of God. Even if it's scary sometimes and it is!

We finished our last Christmas celebrations today.

One of my favorite gifts is a Journable for Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, I & II Thessalonians. It is basically a journal that allows space for you to hand write your own copy of Scripture and notes as you go. The thought is to make you slow down and think about each word of the verses and allow God to speak as you write. I'm excited by the thought and ready to get started tomorrow! My mom and sister are doing them too so we can discuss as we go. Pretty interesting idea I think. I'll let you know how it goes.

Really I blog because I think we all need to feel connected to others. Not because we depend on them for our livelihood, but because no one wants to be alone and a little encouragement can go a long way. So hopefully, I'm able to share something that others relate to and that God uses to give others strength to go on another day, trusting God one moment at a time.

In the Middle of the Mess

Today was just one of those days. Everything that could go wrong did.

It started out with the childcare workers at church (including substitutes 3 deep) all being gone for one reason or another. We are both very involved in ministry all day long at church and highly dependant on the nursery to keep our kids. During Sunday School, Seth went to his class and Julia was a distraction in the class we teach (a cute distraction, but a distraction none the less). Pastor found some ladies, who my kids don't know too well to watch them during service, so of course Julia fussed more than usual and I had to give more instruction than usual. My mom had to come get me so they could start worship (I play the piano and made everything late.) The kids did fine, but it's harder to help lead worship without the normal routine, especially for someone as routine driven as I am.

Then the organ wouldn't start. That doesn't personally affect me much, but another thing to trouble shoot. I'm so glad it wasn't mine to fix.

Then I found out my Father in Law was in the hospital with high blood pressure. They gave him meds and he's doing better at home.

Then on the way home at sonic, Seth threw up and threw up and threw up. I didn't have anything to clean him up with. After trying to clean him and his car seat up with his jacket and wipes, I did realize I had a spare set of clothes for him. I stripped him down and went to change his wet underwear (just from throwing up on himself) to realize there was none. I couldn't really get the car seat clean with my limited resources, so I let him ride in the back seat, in his underwear only (his choice) in a seatbelt for the 5 minute drive home. I know that isn't legal, but I just couldn't make him get back in the nasty car seat and get all gross again.

Then I had to clean up his car seat once I got home. That is so much fun!

Then I opened the refrigerator and the rest of Seth's cheesecake fell on the floor. The kitchen was covered in Graham cracker crust.

Then Julia wouldn't take a nap. She's been crying off and on all day. I didn't even try to get Seth to sleep.

And in the middle of what I would consider a messy day and a total failure, God chose to speak to me and use me to minister to others.

If today didn't prove that God's choice has nothing to do with me and my circumstances, and everything to do with him, I'm not sure there will ever be such a day.

Choosing to Serve Rather than be Served.

I'm a little bit of a control freak. Which makes parenting very hard. I've learned that I cannot punish every time they don't live up to my expectations or I lose my peace. So for the sake of my peace (which I cannot afford to lose), I have to pick my battles. Some would say that makes me a push over. I think it makes me smart.

Each of my kids (the big ones) has a chore they are responsible for doing each week. The chores are pretty basic like bathrooms, dishwasher, or trash and they rotate. They are also responsible for their own laundry and keeping their rooms clean.

I don't generally budge on these things and they do mostly well. They know the chores and don't argue about them. Sometimes they forget and I spend more time than I wish reminding them, but they are still kids.

But today after church I decided to serve my kids instead of yelling at them to do their chores. I folded Haley's laundry and put it up, emptied and filled the dishwasher (Katelynns chore this week), and took the trash out (Daniel's chore.) No one asked me to and they were actually all surprised that I did it. And very grateful.

I've been having some battle of the wills regarding obedience and respect and realized arguing and lecturing was not the way to show them how to change. It was only driving us apart. So I chose to follow Jesus's example and show love by serving them. I have no intention of taking over their chores, but every once in a while it doesn't hurt me to step off my throne and show a little love. And it may teach them more than barking out orders ever will.

For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve... Mark 10:45