Bad Blogger Award

I am awarding myself with the first ever "Bad Blogger Award." Not because my blog is bad or that I am a bad person blogging, but because I have been bad at posting blogs on a regular basis. I know what it is like to check blogs for updates and get nothing. I know what it is like to be bored out of your mind, hoping, praying, that someone will post something, anything worthy of wasting a few minutes to read. I'm sorry, really I am. I know you have heard it all before and there is really no excuse except that life often gets in the way. And work hasn't even been busy and we don't even have any kids...yeah, there is absolutely no good reason. And so, if you have humored me by reading through this first paragraph, you should know that this will be really random, just because it can be. And just because random is my middle name, you know, right after Kay. (I have two middle names) And because sometimes it is fun to say random things that run through my mind with no purpose just to see what kind of reaction you will get. Really I should carry a camera to capture the expressions received as a result of utterly pure randomness. That is a thought. Christmas has come and gone. As is usual, I put up the Christmas lights and decorations inside myself. Some people say I should get B.J. to help, and sometimes I think that would be a great idea. And other times I realize I really do like doing things myself. I get some sort of satisfaction or pride in doing things myself. So this year, we have two trees in our living room. I love them both. One is random homemade ornaments and ornaments from vacations, yearly ornaments, etc and the other is red white and green. I love it. I bought the second tree this year and it is a 9 foot tall skinny tree. love. it. While I was putting everything out and as I continue to look around at the Christmas decor, I can't help but think that next Christmas, I'll have children in my house and traditions to be started. Maybe they'll love decorating as much as I do. And as long as I can do my one pretty tree my way, I am okay to give control of the other decorations over to whomever will help. Kids make Christmas more memorable. I love Christmas decorations. I don't know what you think, but since it takes me a day and a half to put the decorations up, I don't want to take them down the second Christmas is over. I am thinking I'll take everything down just after B.J.'s B-day (which is the 6th). The decorations will be up a total of about 6 weeks. I like it. They make me smile and anyone who knows me, knows if leaving decorations up will make me smile more, then leave them up we shall. I tend to be too serious about life and must get over that. We have submitted our home study for a couple of groups of kids. If you've talked to me, you know more of the details about the kids. For now, what you need to know is that we are submitting our home study for kids that meet our original preferences, and trying to move on to the next kids. We have probably received info on 150 kids or so in the past 2 months. For some regions in Texas, we will know when a decision has been made, and for some regions we won't. The kids' case worker narrows down the selection pool to a few families based on what they think is the best fit for the kids and families. Then our "case worker" goes to a meeting with the kids case worker and advocates for us. For this meeting, where we will not be present, I am working on a photo book for our representative to take with her. I should get it mostly done tomorrow or next week hopefully. So we are waiting and praying and moving forward, one day at a time. Waiting for God's will and praying that God matches the right families with all these kids need forever families. It is quite overwhelming, but God is able to do so much more than we could even begin to understand. I am going to be an aunt in August! My sister and her husband are expecting and we are very excited for them. I'm sure its going to be hard for her being pregnant and living in Chicago away from all of her family, but they'll be fine. So it looks like next Christmas will be full of new traditions and our Christmas activities will change simply by the addition of one or more children into our family. And the fun begins! For Christmas I got a Kindle and I love it. It fits so nicely in my purse and is so much smaller than the typical book I read. I am reading a Ted Dekker book right now and it is just so nice. I also got a Cricut, which I have played with a little and love as well. I will be using it for my photo books I'm going to try and do tomorrow. Love. it. Jill and Sam were here for a couple of weeks and this morning they and my parents headed to Omaha for my mom's family's Christmas this weekend. This will be the second year we haven't been able to go because it is basically impossible for BJ to get off that weekend. I am praying this gets worked out someway so we can go next year, especially if we have kids by then. I'll fight a little harder for our kids than just for us to find someway to at least see my grandparents, even if it isn't when everyone else is there. Payroll is coming and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for long weeks again. It is so hard to go from having nothing to do to having SOOOOO MUCH to do. But we always make it. This first week of January is still pretty slow, so we are using the time to do some training and planning for the year. And then the three week tornado hits and then we get a break. Its the nature of this business, so you'd think I'd be prepared every year, but I still have to get myself pumped up for it. This year I am off the week between Christmas and New Years and its been nice to spend some time with my sister while she was here. I have also gotten some cleaning done and just odd jobs around the house at least started. Yesterday we ordered a new kitchen table and chairs for our eat-in kitchen. We are trying to prepare our house that is so used to having 2 people for a family so when we get the kid(s) the only thing we have to plan is their rooms. I love to plan and have goals, but for me, yearly goals are just too long and too hard to attain. And I tend to be overambitious with my goals, so they are never really reachable. And like most Americans, a few days or weeks into the new year, we fail. And we give up. So I don't think I'll make any new years resolutions this year. I anticipate the upcoming year will bring a lot of life changes for us, and I am so ready for some changes. As ready as I can be with so much being in limbo. So as we go into a new year, let me leave you with a verse that has really spoken to me and I hope will encourage, strengthen you.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

Come Home

God speaks all the time to us, but do we really listen to him? God has been bringing people to mind lately that I haven't spoken to or thought about for some time. And when he does this, I have learned to stop what I'm doing and pray for them or send them an encouraging e-mail or note. Because God always has a purpose for doing things. So he knows where they are and what they need and for whatever reason, that day he chooses to use me. And I am honored. So almost every day on the way home from work I have heard this song on the radio. And I think of people who used to serve God, who grew up in church, and have since made decisions that have led them away, to live life as they please and in the process they got lost. And they feel like its been too long and they've done too much. And they aren't sure where to start on their journey back home. And I am reminded that God's compassion and love for them never changed. He still loves them as if they never left and He is waiting for them with open arms. It's never too late. My heart hurts for them. I just want to find them and hug them and tell them they can come back. I am reminded it is a decision they must make for themselves. So I pray for God to open their hearts to feel his love again. That they will realize it may be hard to come back, but it is worth it. Coming back to God isn't like returning to a parent who hurt you in that the wound gets reopened and festers again. As far as God is concerned, if you are ready to come back, he is ready to forgive and move forward. You don't have to make it right or earn the forgiveness, but he is offering it, no strings attached, if you'll just come back. And he already loves you more than you could ever know.

For I Know the Plans I Have For You...

Jeremiah 29:11 has become a pivotal verse for me in the past few years. Knowing God has a plan that is for my good and is better than my plan helps me to trust more, to lean more, and to let go of my plans more. And yet, we all have thoughts about what we think God's plan for us will look like. We speculate and we hope we know what the plan looks like for us. So when we see someone around us living out what we think is God's plan for us, we get mad. We get jealous. We get disappointed. We get angry. We don't understand, and we never will. Because God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are higher than ours. Today a friend reminded me that God's plan for me is special. It's not like his plan for the people around me, but it is just for me. That statement gave me hope. It's hard to trust God when there is nothing concrete to hold on to. And yet I see his hand at work in my life. He is leading me one step at a time, giving me guidance, day by day. It is my personality to compare myself to others and to compare God's plan for me with his plan for others. Why is everything so easy for everyone else, but I have to struggle? Why do I have to go through so many more valleys before I reach the mountaintop? And I am reminded that I am not them and they are not me. In the same way, God's plan for each of us is unique and special. And all his plans are for our good.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. " Jeremiah 29:11 The Message

New York Vacation Pictures

Maybe it's not about me...

Today I was driving to the gym and praying. I pray a lot while I'm in my car. It's just me and God and it's one of the places I am not easily distracted. While I was driving and singing and praying, a thought hit me. Ok, it was more like God put a thought in my head, but either way its something I've never really thought about.

Maybe this trial isn't just about me.

When we are going through stuff, as we all do, we look for some hope or some encouragement to help us endure. To help us be faithful to God when things don't make sense. We talk about all the scriptures that say "consider it joy when you face trials" and "God works everything for the the good of those who love him" and we find the determination to keep on believing for a miracle. Somehow knowing that God will provide and knowing that God is teaching us and stretching us during this difficult time makes it tolerable. But have you ever thought about the people watching you? The way you endure a trial and the way you are faithful to God when you don't understand and the way you keep going may be speaking loudly to someone around you. Maybe your trial is the one thing that will bring someone closer to God. Maybe your test is the example they will stand on, to believe that God will do something for them to. We all have those people, those stories of others that we hold on to, that give us hope that God has not forgotten us. What if your trial is someone else's hope? Then, I think we'd consider it worth it. If my pain and my struggle shows someone they aren't alone, shows them that God is worthy of holding on to, it is worth it. If I can hold on, maybe someone else will know they can cling closer to God during the difficult times. God made us a family for a reason. We need each other and our struggles are just a part of God's big plan for us to encourage each other and walk together through it all and come out victorious on the other side by God's grace.

Smorgasbord Sunday - a little of this, a little of that

-Ever prayed for something and then moved on, only to see God be faithful and answer your prayers after you had almost forgotten what you asked for? We are human, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who this has happened to. For me, prayer request rotate in cycles. Not in a planned cycle but based on how God is speaking to me or how he is changing my heart during that time of my life. There are some people I always pray certain days of the week, because they depend on me and I owe it to them, and because God is faithful. Generally I depend on God to bring people and situations to my mind as he wants me to pray for them. He knows best. I actually find that when I've totally given a situation to God, trusting him completely, I don't even pray about it any more. It isn't because the situation is taken care of, but it isn't heavy on my heart any more and I simply trust God to take care of things. So today God answered two of those prayers for me. When I least expected it, when I had moved on, just trusting God to be who he said he was. Because his timing is perfect, always. Praise God! So just when you think it is worthless, never give up because with God all things are possible. -God speaks, you obey, or at least that's the way it is ideally. For me it usually goes more something like God speaks, I question him and make sure it's him, I talk myself out of obeying, I freak out, think of all the possible bad results, I dread obedience, and then I obey. True to form, today I finally obeyed God with something I've been struggling with. You know, it is never as bad as the devil convinces you it is going to be. That's how he gets to you. He uses fear, hoping that you'll never obey and God will never get the opportunity to show off. So, for me, I do usually eventually obey, and God's will is accomplished. If I could just get myself to skip the whole freaking myself out part, this would be so much less stressful. Goodness, Sandra, why do you give the devil that control? I've got to obey faster and not give myself the time or opportunity to over think everything. -Tax season is over and now the boredom/depression sets in. You get so used to working a lot of hours mentally and physically that after its over, the days drag on forever. Now if I can just survive until Thanksgiving that would be nice. -Got some Christmas shopping done yesterday with B.J. Three down, 532 to go. (It's really not as bad as it sounds, but exaggeration makes things more interesting ) -Still getting more info on more kids. We haven't submitted our home study for any kids yet, but in God's time it'll all come together. Hope you enjoyed your tasting of the different things roaming around in my head. Till Later!

Being Me

So I've been dealing with a few tense situations for a while. Like walking on eggshells, tense. I've been waiting for something, someone to break the tension. Don't wait on anyone to do what you should do yourself. I was trying to get away from the craziness instead of getting in the thick of it and dealing. I don't deal well, I don't do confrontation well, but I got over myself and did only what I can do. And that is be me. So why do we always think someone else is going to remedy the situation? Why do we wait around on someone else instead of taking initiative? Because we are scared of the response we will get or the rejection we may have to endure. And then I am reminded that I can only control me and God won't give me more than I can handle. If God is putting me here, he must think I can handle a lot more than I think I can. By the way, the eggshells have disappeared, at least from my perspective, and I am free to be me again. No, I'm not going to pry where I am not welcome, but I won't be over-thinking every action every word again. Because my happiness is not dependent on man's approval but on God's and I know I'm right where he wants me.