Dear February,

How I long for your days. I am so ready for the busy, crazy days of January to be over so I can move on with the year. February, I have never wanted you here now as much as this year. I'm not sure I can handle another January like this one. Quite frankly, this is the pits. So, February, please tell January to move on by quickly so you can appear once again. Your dearest admirer, Sandra

Like a Ton of Bricks

So in the past few days I have heard the same phrase 3 times (or at least some version of the same phrase). "God answers prayer in three ways: yes, no, or not yet." All the while I nodded my head in agreement as we all do when we agree with something we've heard before and we know in our head is true. We let the phrase go in one ear and out the other without giving second thought to what is said. It's the normal response given to any statement when we fail to really hear with our hearts. It's almost like when you ask a group of kids in your Sunday School class a question and their first response is "God". We are so good at giving the expected response without letting words touch us down deep and without really grasping things. Have you ever taken a second glance at what is said and wondered, "Maybe God is trying to teach me"? Today I was driving home from the grocery store and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, I have never really had a ton of bricks hit me, and I'm sure that would hurt a lot, but you get the point. Duh! God was trying to tell me that he hears me and his answer for me right now is not yet. Some of you may take that as discouraging, but "not yet" gives me hope that someday, the answer is going to be yes and God is going to give me what I have been longing and praying for for a while. The great thing about God is that his timing is not my timing. Not yet could mean tomorrow or it could mean 10 years from now, but as long as there is a "not yet", I still have hope, and I'm holding onto it. I know that I have been on a blogging hiatus, but that tends to happen when things are so crazy at work. I've been working a lot and so the reality is 1) no one wants to hear about working and 2)I haven't had time to be with my thoughts, so you haven't gotten to know what is going on in this mind of mine. So, I have done a little more than work in the past few weeks. Last Saturday was just crazy busy. I went to Turbo Kick class at 8:30, birthday parties at 11:00 and 4:00, a few hours of work in between, and then I made three desserts for Sunday's lunch. The only thing really interesting about last weekend is that I decided that I should be nice and help these two smaller kids make it up through this jungle gym thing at one of the parties. I basically had to push them up through multiple layers without any help from them, just so they could go down the slide at the top. While I was doing it, I felt good for helping them, but by 4 or 5 times through I was getting exhausted. Afterward, I realized I was too old to be attempting this and in the process I managed to make my back sore and wear myself out. I guess I should realize that I am closer to 30 than I am to 20 and I am just too old to be attempting such a feat. I should leave such things for either the teenagers or the kid's parents. Some day, I will be the parent, and it'll be worth the soreness and exhaustion, but for now, I think my jungle gym days are over.

Pulled Pork

I received a smoker for Christmas. I had never smoked anything, so I was anxious to use it. After doing some research I decided to make pulled pork. It turned out great so I thought I would share the steps I went through to get the great end result. On Tuesday I picked up a bone in Boston Butt Roast that weighed a little over 9 pounds. That's a lot of meat but it was the smallest one that Wal-mart had. I placed the roast in a Giant Lasagna Pan, it was the only thing I saw that looked big enough for the roast and marinade. I had been told to marinate the roast for 24 hours in beer, but since we don't drink I decided to use Dr. Pepper. I covered it and put it in the fridge to marinate for about 24 hours. The next step was to apply the rub. Chuck, a member of the Texas Fishing Forum, recommended that I use a rub called Hoochie Mamma. It is made by a local company and can be found on their website http://www.sucklebusters.com or in some specialty shops. I was able to find it at Rally House Gifts in the Arlington Highlands. Thanks to Chuck for this suggestion. Check out his cooking blog at http://cookinwithchuck.blogspot.com I applied a pretty heavy coating of the rub, recovered, and let that sit in the fridge for about 18 hours. Thursday morning it was finally time to cook. I got my smoker going with charcoal and got it up to about 215 then added some chunks of pecan wood. Those were burning up pretty quick so I added a piece of well seasoned oak that wouldn't burn up so quickly. I discovered that a cold windy day is not a good day to try to smoke something. I was constantly fighting to keep the temperature in the 200-225 range. After five hours of smoking it was looking really good. At this point, I was getting tired of fighting to keep a constant temperature. So I pulled it off the smoker, wrapped it in foil and put it in the oven at 200. I kept it in the oven for another 8 hour, trying to get the internal temperature up to 200. It never actually made it past 195 and it was getting late, so I decided to go ahead and pull it out. After removing from the oven I let it rest for about an hour. It was the time to pull it. The bone pulled right out, so I knew it was going to be really tender. It pretty much just fell apart. I did use forks to speed up the process, but it was so tender I easily could have done it by hand. So here's the final product.

Going Through

Yes, I know you are all about to pass out. What is she thinking? Two posts in one evening. Yes, I am that crazy lady! I'm sure we've all said or heard things like "I'm going through a rough time right now" or "No one knows what I'm going through." The connotation of these phrases is negative. They express the thought that someone is in the middle of a difficult time or is dealing with a difficult situation. We immediately concentrate on the difficult, the negative, the thing that is being dealt with. But if we look at what we are really saying, there is so much hope in that statement. "Going" - infers activity, not standing still, not sitting down, but actively doing something "Through"- in one side and out the other side of, from end to end of When we say we are going through, we are already claiming victory and not defeat. We are stating that we are not going to sit down in the middle of this trial and give up, but we are gonna' come out the other side victorious and stronger than before. We will not die from this, we will not cease to be, we will not be defeated but we will go through. So keep going through, keep holding on and never let go.

Isa 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. NIV

Good For Me

Tonight Shannon and I went to a Turbo Kick class at the local gym. It was very similar to the class I went to on Jan 1st, so that helped me stay up with the instructor. It was a different instructor, but the routine was the same. That class is a beating, but I like leaving the gym knowing that I did something good for myself. I was definitely not perfect (far from it) but it feels good to go to a group exercise class. It's addicting, or at least for me it is. I'm looking forward to my Saturday morning cardio dance class. I miss not going on Monday mornings since I've been back at work, but whatever I can do is better than nothing. I really never thought I would be someone who liked going to the gym, but I look forward to the next class I can take.

Usually I am Strong

But yesterday I was weak.

I have been a Christian for almost 22 years and I know how to be strong in the Lord when the devil is attacking. I have learned to stand on God’s word and quote scriptures to encourage myself and tell the devil where he can go. I have learned to rejoice in the Lord always and trust that God has great plans for me and will take care of me.

But yesterday I broke down. I haven’t done that if probably a year or so. Tears flowed from deep places inside I have since forgotten about. I let the devil get in my mind and emotions and bring fear and hopelessness.

I woke up this morning wondering why I failed so miserably yesterday. What about yesterday was so much different from the normal day when I am able to stand my ground and be strong in the Lord? God immediately brought my mind back to the sermon Pastor preached on Sunday afternoon about being in the place God wants you to be. When we are exactly where God has called us to be, we are in a place of blessing, a place of victory, but also a place of sacrifice, a place of complete reliance on God. Sacrifice is not fun and reliance on someone other than me is tough! I have been obedient to do the things God has asked me to do and am in a time of waiting for what God has next for me. In this time of waiting, I have determined to let God show me the things in my life that cause Him hurt so that they can be removed and my life can bring more pleasure to Him.

So on Sunday, I re-determined in my heart to get exactly where God wants us to be as a family. My guess is that the devil didn’t like that so he attacked me harder than usual, hoping I would give up on God and his great plans for me. Too bad for the devil, I NEVER GIVE UP! If you know me at all, you know this is true. I am probably one of the most determined or stubborn people I know. That can be good when I am determined to follow through with what God has laid on my heart and bad when I am determined to be a stick in the mud and not go with the flow.

So, today is back to normal and I am so glad that God gives us second chances (and third and so on). Another day of God’s grace and mercy and another day in the place of victory and blessing.