Word of God Speak

Today was a good day in the house of the Lord. I got the opportunity to share God's word in the afternoon service. I don't ever take those opportunities lightly. In fact, this time I really struggled with what topic I should speak on. 

If I'm being honest, my problem comes in that I've heard so many good sermons that I could in essence re-preach and get good responses and I tend to want to do that when things aren't coming together as I feel they should.  And as much as it feels good to preach a sermon that I know will get an emotional or hype filled response, that's not what I really want down deep. I desire to speak what God is speaking for that specific moment to those specific people, so it requires that I learn to listen for God and wait on him to direct my steps. That often means my outline/notes aren't completed until last minute. By nature, that is not the way I like to do things. Last minute is not my MO, but in order that I learn to depend on God, he tends to wait until last minute often for me.  I have learned to not freak out when I have no clue what I am speaking on a week out and that in itself is a huge step for me.

This time, I really thought I was speaking on the power of the name of Jesus. As a matter of fact, I started putting that together multiple times, but it never felt right. It felt forced and the ideas didn't flow together easily. This morning at church, that very topic came up many times.  I started doubting God's word (or what I felt was God's word for the afternoon service) and secretly wished I had put my notes on that topic on my tablet as well, just in case God really did lead that way.

This past week, I think I finally solidified that I would be speaking on Weapons of Righteousness around Wednesday (or what I thought I would speak on as I really never know for sure until it's time for me to preach.) The devil has been fighting my preparation of the message by sending thought distractions that I would entertain instead of spending the time I needed to get God's thoughts together for the message. And I have been so tired. Mentally and physically just exhausted. So as I've tried to put it all together, I would fall asleep or lose interest or numerous other things.  It's definitely been a battle. So much so that this morning when Pastor asked me if I was ready to go, I answered I think, because even though I knew my thoughts were all together, I also knew that I felt tired and not together at all.

All that to say, I am so grateful that things came together when I gave my message. God just showed up and spoke through me. Each time its another test, another confirmation that I am where God wants me to be. That God is using me for His glory!

And I look back to where God has brought me from. I was such a shy child. So intimidated by confrontation. I remember crying in middle school when I was pulled out of class by the volleyball coach to be invited to the team party. I was so sure I was in trouble I was in tears before I even made it into the hall. I remember crying in college in speech class because I was terrified to do public speaking. (If I could redo that class now, I would do much better. That was my first B ever.)

And now God has put me in a place where I co-teach a Sunday School class of my peers and it doesn't intimidate me at all. I was so scared to take this class because I was afraid of what they would think of me. Afraid I would be rejected and ignored as I tried to speak what God had put on my heart. Afraid I would be misunderstood and people would get offended by the message. (This has happened to me and was probably one of the most painful things I had to endure. Getting accused of intentionally hurting others when I was so sensitive myself just killed me. Being misunderstood is hard when there is no way to prove your intentions!) 

And I am preaching at my church! Take that, devil!! :)

I'll end with this thought. No matter what God has called you to do, even if you don't see how it could ever be based on where you are now or who you are now, know that God will prepare you. God will equip you and if you will stay faithful to him, not fearing what he is bringing you to but learning to trust him completely, you will be able to look back and see the hand of God, equipping, preparing and bringing you to his perfect will and it will be amazing! What an awesome God we serve!

School Days

So we are 4 weeks into school, so I guess its time for an update.

This year is going so well for all of the kids and I am do grateful. Things at definitely looking up and I think we are finally in a time where the kids are growing up and finding their groove in school

Katelynn is 7 and in the 2nd grade. She is doing really well with her school work and her grades show her desire to do her best. She is very smart and things come easily mostly. She is better at writing and reading than math, but she will get there in math too. So far she has had one folder sign for talking, so she is doing great with that too. Her teacher is from a foster family and she has 2 or 3 adopted siblings. Katelynn loves that they have that in common.

Daniel has made it almost 4 weeks with only one warning for behavior. This is a great improvement from the past years. He is really excelling with Haley being at a different school. In the past she was a distraction for him and he leaned on her experiences to dictate how good or bad he would be at something. His grades are good and we are still working on him being organized and able to not be distracted and finish his work. We got progress reports today and he has taken them as a reminder that he needs to focus on his work and do his best. In the past he would have been discouraged and even gotten angry, so this shows he is taking responsibility for his work. I love it! His teacher is a tactile learner like he is and understands if he needs to move away to not be distracted and let's him move around some without having to always work at his desk. Her son has ADD so she deals with his tendency to be distracted very well. I think she is going to be very good for him. He is aiming for the A/B Honor Roll and I know he can do it! He is stepping up and becoming a leader and I love what I am seeing.

Haley is doing really well at school. Her grades are great and I feel like she is stepping up as well. The transition to the new school has made her grow up and take responsibility for herself. She is learning that she can memorize well ( which we already knew) and she is using that to her advantage inn her school work. She has made a 100 on the past two vocabulary quizzes and is so proud of herself. I am glad she is getting to know what it feels like to work hard for something and achieve it. There are great things in store for that girl! (On a side note I am so glad Mrs. Martinez took interest in my Haley girl to help me make the best decision for her. She is thriving!)

I have decided this year to be intentional about spending one on one time with each of the kids. My first step towards this is eating lunch with each of them once a six weeks. My job isn't so far away that I can't easily make this happen and they get so excited when I show up. So far I've only eaten with Daniel, but he really seemed to benefit from the time. I am learning that little things like this can make a big difference for my kids. I am not the same mom they met almost three years and I hope they are able to see all the things I am trying to do to make sure they know that they are loved and cherished.

My kids are the best and I am so grateful God let me be their mom! He always has a plan and has blessed me so much by entrusting those kids to me (us). They are irreplaceable and I don't know what I'd do without them.

Theme Song

I have watched many a 80s sitcom when I was growing up. I had (and probably still have) most of the theme songs memorized. (BJ would define them as cheesy although I would say they were good clean shows with good clean humor.) I know I am not the only one who misses those shows or knows the songs still.

So this one song keeps coming up on the radio (and it isn't really a new song, actually I think I've blogged about it before, but really didn't feel like going back to try and find it.) I would call it my theme song in this time of my life. The chorus really speaks to me.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see.
But I'm giving in to something heavenly

By: Sanctus Real

Peace and chaos at the same time. That definitely describes my life. In a family like mine, there is always some chaos. You learn to adjust to it and welcome it on some level. But through all the craziness on the outside and the ever swirling circumstances and emotions of 6 separate people, there is a peace inside the rules. The peace of God settles to calm the storms, or the emotions, or whatever else wants to control the day and create more chaos. The peace of God will always rule. So we learn to live and thrive and survive by the internal peace that only God can give.

Its hard for my Type A personality to accept or adjust to the unknown. I don't naturally like change and the unknown, but God is teaching me to be more flexible. I think a big part of what I am learning as a parent of 4 is flexibility and which battles are worth fighting and which aren't. And I can't control everything like I used to. And that's okay. Because what God is doing is worth losing control. Is worth surrendering to the unknown that God has prepared for us.

Labor Day

Today did not go how I had envisioned, but it has been a good day. 

Since BJ is starting a new job next week, his vacation/ PTO status is changing, so he had to use some days up or he would lose them. He applied for and got this week off, so I thought he'd be home with us today. However, his boss begged him to work M-W this week, and he agreed. He is getting paid for his PTO plus his time worked so it'll be a nice pay check. 

Today we got up and watched the Wizard of Dizz (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse version of their Wizard of Oz) and then ate breakfast. Then I started getting my living rooms back in order. They have been empty since the floors got done at the end of July. 

In the meantime, Haley and Daniel were down stairs working out. Daniel has been really into getting strong. He's been doing pushups. I think he's training to be an American Ninja Warrior.

Katelynn and Seth were upstairs rockin out to their original songs with the guitars from our Guitar Hero game.  Katelynn is always writing songs about whatever is on her mind and Seth is happy to sing along. It reminds me of my dad when we were little. I remember him making up a song about our morning toast and performing it for us complete with choreography. Good times!

After a failed attempt to get Seth to take a nap (he refuses to nap for me everytime! Grr...) we spent a couple of hours watching The Little Giants on TV. I am not sure if I've seen it before or not, but it was really good. The kids love watching movies and give me some down time where they aren't bickering. 

After the movie we went to sonic for lunch and then the kids played outside.  Pretty low key day, but it was good for the most part.

As a follow up from a couple of days ago, I am feeling much better emotionally. I know that life can be an emotional roller-coaster, and whatever you dwell on does affect your attitude and emotional state. I also knows that venting makes me feel better and God uses this blog to help me process and see things from his perspective and through his word. I guess we can call it reflecting.

And God is always faithful. Always. Faithful.

To his promises. To help me in my weakness. To love me enough not to leave me as I am.