Word of God Speak

Today was a good day in the house of the Lord. I got the opportunity to share God's word in the afternoon service. I don't ever take those opportunities lightly. In fact, this time I really struggled with what topic I should speak on. 

If I'm being honest, my problem comes in that I've heard so many good sermons that I could in essence re-preach and get good responses and I tend to want to do that when things aren't coming together as I feel they should.  And as much as it feels good to preach a sermon that I know will get an emotional or hype filled response, that's not what I really want down deep. I desire to speak what God is speaking for that specific moment to those specific people, so it requires that I learn to listen for God and wait on him to direct my steps. That often means my outline/notes aren't completed until last minute. By nature, that is not the way I like to do things. Last minute is not my MO, but in order that I learn to depend on God, he tends to wait until last minute often for me.  I have learned to not freak out when I have no clue what I am speaking on a week out and that in itself is a huge step for me.

This time, I really thought I was speaking on the power of the name of Jesus. As a matter of fact, I started putting that together multiple times, but it never felt right. It felt forced and the ideas didn't flow together easily. This morning at church, that very topic came up many times.  I started doubting God's word (or what I felt was God's word for the afternoon service) and secretly wished I had put my notes on that topic on my tablet as well, just in case God really did lead that way.

This past week, I think I finally solidified that I would be speaking on Weapons of Righteousness around Wednesday (or what I thought I would speak on as I really never know for sure until it's time for me to preach.) The devil has been fighting my preparation of the message by sending thought distractions that I would entertain instead of spending the time I needed to get God's thoughts together for the message. And I have been so tired. Mentally and physically just exhausted. So as I've tried to put it all together, I would fall asleep or lose interest or numerous other things.  It's definitely been a battle. So much so that this morning when Pastor asked me if I was ready to go, I answered I think, because even though I knew my thoughts were all together, I also knew that I felt tired and not together at all.

All that to say, I am so grateful that things came together when I gave my message. God just showed up and spoke through me. Each time its another test, another confirmation that I am where God wants me to be. That God is using me for His glory!

And I look back to where God has brought me from. I was such a shy child. So intimidated by confrontation. I remember crying in middle school when I was pulled out of class by the volleyball coach to be invited to the team party. I was so sure I was in trouble I was in tears before I even made it into the hall. I remember crying in college in speech class because I was terrified to do public speaking. (If I could redo that class now, I would do much better. That was my first B ever.)

And now God has put me in a place where I co-teach a Sunday School class of my peers and it doesn't intimidate me at all. I was so scared to take this class because I was afraid of what they would think of me. Afraid I would be rejected and ignored as I tried to speak what God had put on my heart. Afraid I would be misunderstood and people would get offended by the message. (This has happened to me and was probably one of the most painful things I had to endure. Getting accused of intentionally hurting others when I was so sensitive myself just killed me. Being misunderstood is hard when there is no way to prove your intentions!) 

And I am preaching at my church! Take that, devil!! :)

I'll end with this thought. No matter what God has called you to do, even if you don't see how it could ever be based on where you are now or who you are now, know that God will prepare you. God will equip you and if you will stay faithful to him, not fearing what he is bringing you to but learning to trust him completely, you will be able to look back and see the hand of God, equipping, preparing and bringing you to his perfect will and it will be amazing! What an awesome God we serve!