Confidence

So if you know me, I would doubt that one of the words you would use to describe me is shy. I'm not the most outgoing person, but I always get a "yeah, right" when I tell people I'm an introvert. When I was younger, I was definitely more shy than I am now. I guess when you become a parent (especially the way I did) you don't really have the option of hiding in the corner any more. You have to suddenly deal with doctors and schools and teachers and there was definitely no easing in period for me. Because I'm the mom. I had to register my kids for school. I had to get them all up to date on shots and get them the help needed for whatever issues they were facing. I have had more teacher meetings than I'd care to deal with and have had to stand up for my kids. Because I'm the mom.

So there are certain realms of my life where I am definitely more confident than others. There are certain things that don't scare or intimidate me at all, like training others at work or even doing a little public speaking in that realm. Most of the time talking to clients isn't too bad either, because I've been doing this long enough to know my stuff (generally speaking) and I've learned it's okay to tell a client I need to look something up and they are usually okay with that. I'm not scared to lead worship or sing a special at church, been doing it my whole life. I'm not scared really at all with my church family who has literally known me since preschool. Playing piano doesn't worry or stress me out.

But there is one part of me that has hidden pretty well my whole life, until lately. That would be the outside part. I wouldn't describe my style as bad or outdated, but I've never put priority on physical appearance or being trendy cause being noticed for that was my biggest fear. I've never spent much time on me and really wanted to just disappear. I think when people know me, they don't look at me to judge my physical appearance. To them, I just look like Sandra. However, when I'm meeting people for the first time, I'm always afraid they are judging me. Because my skin isn't perfect (probably my biggest insecurity) or my hair isn't styled well or my makeup is bad. So I've been afraid to make an effort so that I am noticed or recognized physically. It's easier to be unnoticed than noticed for "doing it all wrong." But I've wanted to look at least put together and knew if I could get over the initial hump of making the change, I would be okay.

In December, thanks to Elisha, I took the plunge and started wearing lipstick regularly. I've always worn makeup (and have been asked more times than I can count if I ever wear makeup while wearing it, ugh!!) but hated having to reapply lipstick. I ain't got time for that. :) And since I took the plunge (with the help of Lipsense that I don't have to reapply all day long) my confidence has gone through the roof (thanks to ya'll ladies who keep affirming me when I post pics). I still am not sure I would call myself beautiful, but I can at least say I look nice and put together. More grown up and less low maintenance.

I posted this picture today on facebook and do you know what I saw? I saw wrinkles around my eyes and wrinkles at my smile line. Most people would try and hide that, but I saw that I was really happy. Pretty! Confident! Smiling all the way up to my eyes. I used to kid that I didn't smile because I didn't want wrinkles. But now, if the wrinkles mean I'm happy, bring 'em on!

Now the confidence on the outside can match the confidence on the inside! Thank you God for using a little makeup to make me feel better about myself. Ready to take on the world and whatever God has for me next!