New Experiences

The past three Sundays, I've led worship at church. Not because it was really planned that way but because my dad has been voiceless. It started with a cold or something, but I've never had him without a voice for so long that I've had to lead worship for so long. Usually it's more along the lines of " my voice isn't great, so you may need to help me."

Let me say I love worshipping but I'm not a great leader. I tend to get so caught up in organizing and mentally arranging and leading the musicians that worshipping becomes secondary to making sure the songs don't crash and burn. So this has been a learning experience for me and here's what I've learned and God has showed me:

1. It's okay if things aren't perfect. I'm not saying at all that you shouldn't practice or plan for worship, but I am saying that as far as leading worship goes, it is more about worshipping yourself than conducting the band and singers. I can be a bit of a perfectionist and I get frustrated when things don't go in real life as I planned in my mind or when I practiced alone at home. And it derails me, especially when I feel that is my fault as their leader. But I've learned to make inviting God's presence my priority and then not only am I not as concerned about when the songs have hiccups, it also doesn't affect the rest of the song set.

2. I tend to think leading the musicians is more necessary than it really is. Maybe because I want to be led, but the musicians really could mostly follow me with or without my clues. I still gave clues when we were switching sections of songs, but did a lot of verbal clues and it worked. Surprisingly well actually!

I think I got to lead enough that I gained some confidence and I think God was pleased. I enjoyed it even if it wasn't perfect.

New year with new experiences. Exciting stuff!

Learning from the Past

A week or so ago I had a friend post in Facebook the biggest lesson she learned in the prior year, and it inspired me to blog about what I learned in 2017.

My biggest lessons learned were about friendship. I learned that life is so much fuller with friends. I guess I learned the value of true friends. Not acquaintences, friends. Over time I've just gotten use to having acquaintences but not real friends. Very few people have taken the time to get me and understand me. So I don't trust people to assume the best and try and understand my motives. But this year I had a few friendships that just blossomed and almost unexpectedly turned into relationships that are mutually beneficial and that push me as I pray I push them. Friendships where I feel understood and accepted with all my flaws. Friends whose opinions I trust even if they are initially hurtful. And I have grown as a person because I have allowed those God-given friends in. And it was worth the risk.

I've also learned that even in good solid friendships, I have to be careful where I put my focus. God is my source and I have to learn to follow him and not people, even good Christian people. If my focus is well placed, I'm not as easily disappointed by people but I am able to show grace when people don't meet my expectations (expectations that no one can meet all the time).

It's been a year of change and growth and I'm so glad I was forced to stretch. I'm looking forward to 2018 and all that God holds for me in the next year!

The Man With a Plan

II Timothy 1:9 For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from the beginning of time - to show us grace through Christ Jesus.

Since before the world existed God has had a plan (I love planners!!☺). It wasn't a plan that exalted us or raised up an army or that depend on our doing at all. His plan was to show grace. To generously give to people who were undeserving if they would just accept his gift.

And since the creation of time we have been trying to figure out how to earn this gift. Maybe if we follow the rituals of the law or be "good", then he could show grace. Maybe if we proved we were worth it, he would bestow his gift to us. Maybe if we worked really hard and accomplished many great things he would have grace on us. And none of our plans have worked because they were never a part of The Plan.

The plan to give generously undeserved favor to us, knowing we were greedy and selfish. Knowing we could never repay him. That we would be constantly dependent on him to provide for us.

Grace is such a hard concept to grasp until you've experienced it. And maybe those who have been forgiven of much can better appreciate grace than those who were raised in church and never really strayed from him.

So this year, I want to be more aware of the sprinkling of God's grace on my life and be intentionally grateful for all that blessings I've received, noticing his hand in ever part of my life. Because I am a recipient of his amazing grace.

The Best is Yet to Come

A new year can mean a lot of things to a lot of people.

For some, it is sorrow that this great year has to come to an end. A longing for time to freeze and for this moment to remain. A fear that the upcoming year can't possibly compare to what you've just experienced.

For others it's a relief. A fresh start. A longing to forget the struggles, the sorrow, the stress of the previous year and move forward. To get out of the current whole and move forward.

But the one thing I keep hearing in my soul is the best is yet to come. And that is certainly true when you serve God.

That doesn't mean there will be no sorrow or struggle in the upcoming year, but that even in those struggles, if you seek Him, He will be ever present. You will be nearer to His heart than before.

The best is yet to come.

It does mean you can look forward in hope, joyful expectation of seeing God come through again. Expectation of being led by his spirit. Just waiting to see how God will show himself strong in your every day.

So I look forward to a new year, knowing it will hold both joys and sorrows, tests and triumphs. Because I know whose I am and who holds my tomorrow and he exceeds my expectations.

Shift

I guess it was about a week ago when I heard this worship song that has just been my song this week. Every time I hear it or start singing it, there is an automatic focus shift from me to God. 

Now, I love to worship and there are a lot of songs I like, but this one just hits me differently. I love worship songs that I can relate to that are Biblically sound. There are several that speak about going through valleys and finding God in the middle of the struggle. Really good stuff, but this song is ALL ABOUT HIM!! There is no room for my self absorbed pouting or whining or thinking at all about what I am going through. 

And I love that. It reminds me this life and all I do and all I face is really all about Him and His purposes and His plans and not at all about me.

And no matter what, He is worthy of all my praise, all my effort, all I have to sacrifice to him.

For from you are all things and to you are all things. You deserve the glory.

Christmas Perspective

This morning I woke up late (7:40) and my house was still quiet, which was a Christmas miracle. My kids never sleep in this late, especially not on Christmas. Yesterday must have worn them out. After our morning worship service, we want to lunch for Katelynn's birthday, had ice cream for dessert, made a birthday cake for Jesus and opened Christmas jammies. All this after 2 days of Christmas festivities. They were in bed normal time and then slept in.

Anyways before I actually got out of bed, I started praying. Most years Christmas is probably one of my least favorite days. I think my expectations for my kids are too high and I end up disappointed. I get mad when they are ungrateful or feel like I spend all day cleaning up while all they do is play. I know these are both normal, so I don't think it's them that's the issue but my perspective and expectations.

So I started praying early in hopes of changing my attitude. Of having a normal Christmas. One where I didn't take my disappointment out on my kids. I started intentionally thanking Jesus for coming to earth and praying he would help me find my joy and peace in him, especially on this day where I tend to expect others to satisfy me by being thankful or appreciative of all my work for them. So before I got my feet out of bed, I decided it was okay if they were ungrateful, okay if they didn't like their gifts, okay if they enjoyed their presents while I cleaned up. Because today I was focused on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.

And with God's strength I made it through, focused and filled with joy and peace rather than frustrated and angry. And just for the record they were grateful and helpful more than in previous years, or maybe I just noticed the good instead of the bad.

And it showed me one thing. Not that I am anything, but that if I start my day in his presence, setting my perspective on him, He will give me the strength to make it through victorious over my selfish and sinful tendencies. And he will help you too if you take the time to get his perspective rather than relying on your normal.

Consecrated

It's been a while since I've done a Sunday School lesson recap on my blog. I guess I never really classified it as such, but did use to share at least the highlights from my class kinda regularly.

Today's lesson focused on Joshua 3:5 where the Isrealites were about to cross the Jordan River and their leaders were giving instructions. Joshua's instructions were clear: consecrate/sanctify/purify yourself for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things.

A couple of things.

1. We are all so eager and happy and excited to do great things for God, but we forget we aren't in control. We have no power or authority that produces great things. Our job is to consecrate ourselves to God and he will do amazing things. Often times he chooses to use us, but we aren't the driving force. We don't have to make things happen and put the ball into motion. That's God's job! We only have to consecrate ourselves. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Are we as devoted to God in our down time as in our serving time? When there is a project or a church program we have volunteered to help with, we are all in. We plan it. We show up when needed. We are ready to work! But what about in our down time? How many countless hours do we spend scrolling through Facebook that could have been devoted to God? How many minutes/hours are we wasting that could be better spent in his presence? In his Word? Preparing ourselves for whatever is coming next.

We say we need down time. We refresh our selves by doing mindless things like playing games on our phones, or watching TV. Could we not make the habit of finding our refreshing in Him?  We all have excuses, but what if we stopped justifying our lack of devotion and changed our priorities? Are we scared we will be disappointed by his absence? That he won't be found by us when we seek him? That he'll ask something of us we aren't willing to give? Or have we set up in our minds this perfect experience, perfect circumstance where we could avail ourselves to all he has and that time never comes. More times than I dare to admit, I have started out with good intentions, with personal goals and expectations that only lead me to failure. In my eyes, but not in the eyes of my loving Father who just wants to spend time with me. Who doesn't care if I get off schedule or if I have an off day. Who doesn't punish me when I return to him but is waiting with open arms.

So my goal is to be more devoted, to fall more in love with the one who loved me first in the middle of my mess. And as much as I'd like to quantify that, I know that I can't. I want my go to time filler to be time with Him. Not always in the quiet or uninterrupted, but to live life like he is physically with me. My best friend who is always my side. And see God do amazing things as I do my part and consecrate myself unto him.