In the Middle of the Mess

Today was just one of those days. Everything that could go wrong did.

It started out with the childcare workers at church (including substitutes 3 deep) all being gone for one reason or another. We are both very involved in ministry all day long at church and highly dependant on the nursery to keep our kids. During Sunday School, Seth went to his class and Julia was a distraction in the class we teach (a cute distraction, but a distraction none the less). Pastor found some ladies, who my kids don't know too well to watch them during service, so of course Julia fussed more than usual and I had to give more instruction than usual. My mom had to come get me so they could start worship (I play the piano and made everything late.) The kids did fine, but it's harder to help lead worship without the normal routine, especially for someone as routine driven as I am.

Then the organ wouldn't start. That doesn't personally affect me much, but another thing to trouble shoot. I'm so glad it wasn't mine to fix.

Then I found out my Father in Law was in the hospital with high blood pressure. They gave him meds and he's doing better at home.

Then on the way home at sonic, Seth threw up and threw up and threw up. I didn't have anything to clean him up with. After trying to clean him and his car seat up with his jacket and wipes, I did realize I had a spare set of clothes for him. I stripped him down and went to change his wet underwear (just from throwing up on himself) to realize there was none. I couldn't really get the car seat clean with my limited resources, so I let him ride in the back seat, in his underwear only (his choice) in a seatbelt for the 5 minute drive home. I know that isn't legal, but I just couldn't make him get back in the nasty car seat and get all gross again.

Then I had to clean up his car seat once I got home. That is so much fun!

Then I opened the refrigerator and the rest of Seth's cheesecake fell on the floor. The kitchen was covered in Graham cracker crust.

Then Julia wouldn't take a nap. She's been crying off and on all day. I didn't even try to get Seth to sleep.

And in the middle of what I would consider a messy day and a total failure, God chose to speak to me and use me to minister to others.

If today didn't prove that God's choice has nothing to do with me and my circumstances, and everything to do with him, I'm not sure there will ever be such a day.

Choosing to Serve Rather than be Served.

I'm a little bit of a control freak. Which makes parenting very hard. I've learned that I cannot punish every time they don't live up to my expectations or I lose my peace. So for the sake of my peace (which I cannot afford to lose), I have to pick my battles. Some would say that makes me a push over. I think it makes me smart.

Each of my kids (the big ones) has a chore they are responsible for doing each week. The chores are pretty basic like bathrooms, dishwasher, or trash and they rotate. They are also responsible for their own laundry and keeping their rooms clean.

I don't generally budge on these things and they do mostly well. They know the chores and don't argue about them. Sometimes they forget and I spend more time than I wish reminding them, but they are still kids.

But today after church I decided to serve my kids instead of yelling at them to do their chores. I folded Haley's laundry and put it up, emptied and filled the dishwasher (Katelynns chore this week), and took the trash out (Daniel's chore.) No one asked me to and they were actually all surprised that I did it. And very grateful.

I've been having some battle of the wills regarding obedience and respect and realized arguing and lecturing was not the way to show them how to change. It was only driving us apart. So I chose to follow Jesus's example and show love by serving them. I have no intention of taking over their chores, but every once in a while it doesn't hurt me to step off my throne and show a little love. And it may teach them more than barking out orders ever will.

For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve... Mark 10:45

Review

How many note takers do we have out there? I have notebooks and notebooks of sermon notes that I've taken over the years.

Recently I've started reviewing my notes during my quiet time and it's been awesome! No matter how much time passes, God's word is powerful and it doesn't change. I just wanted to encourage any other note takers to look back through your notes and see if God won't speak to you through his Word.

More Than a Silent Partner

Parenting is tricky, especially as your kids get older. They don't need you in physical ways like to feed them or change them and so they become independent.

And as a parent, I choose to let them be responsible and take care of a lot of things by themselves. I'm more than willing to help, but the times when I feel needed by the big kids are few and far between. (I'm not complaining, because I am definitely still needed by the little ones and that keeps me busy.)

So on Saturday when Haley asked me to play with her hair, I was glad to oblige. I played with her hair for an hour or so and we did funky braids and all sorts of things. Facebook and Pinterest are full of different braids and ideas. When Katelynn got home, she asked me to do her hair as well, so I did that too. Then, last night, Haley asked me to braid her wet hair so it would look curly today.

I love spending time with my girls, even though they are needing me less and less. I guess when they can make good decisions on their own, it is evidence that I've done something right (or of God's power despite my failing efforts.)

Those are Fighting Words

We are in a spiritual battle (unless of course you've already conceded to the enemy of your soul. He doesn't fight you when he's already got you.)

Tonight God brought a couple of old hymns to my mind with some powerful messages and I thought I'd share. Sometimes we all need encouragement and although these songs aren't scripture, they definitely encouraged me and maybe will lift someone else up.

Keep on the Firing Line

You must fight, be brave against all evil.
Never run though foes combine.
If you will fight for God and the right,
Keep on the firing line.

When the Battle's Over We Shall Wear a Crown

When the battle's over we shall wear a crown.
We shall wear a crown. We shall wear a crown.
When the battle's over we shall wear a crown
In the new Jerusalem

(Any RLC people feeling a Buddy beat or a Jericho March coming?)

To me the point is, keep on fighting the devil and don't let him win. It will all be over and the coming of the Lord is sooner than we think. I'm not big on accessories, so the crown doesn't excite me, but the claiming final victory over the devil, now that is something that makes me shout! Praise God! The victory has already been won!

So keep on fighting!! Your victory is guaranteed over the devil!!

School Days

This summer has been a little different than others. We decided to leave the three older kids home alone a few days a week instead of doing daycare. We signed them up for the summer program at Mathnasium which is a drop in program for up to 1 hour per day where they could work on math. Haley did a few months at Mathnasium before, so I knew we really loved the program. Daniel was hesitant at first, but they all were glad we did it and want to go back next summer.

Leaving them at home has required them to mature a little and learn how to resolve conflict on their own. We got phone calls some days, but mostly they did pretty well. The stay at home option was also very low stress on me as I didn't even wake them up on those days and was able to get the littles up and ready pretty quickly without the normal morning conflicts. It also proved that they can stay at home while we run errands or whatever. I always take the littles with me as I'm not comfortable leaving the babies with the bigger kids yet.

This summer we were in limbo, waiting for space to open at the charge school we applied for. None of the kids got in over the summer, so we are in public school until space becomes available.

This year, Haley is riding the bus to and from school. She has to get herself on the bus after we leave and then catch the bus after school. She has been so responsible and is usually early waiting for the bus. She has also been responsible, doing her homework without me hounding her about it, asking for help and really trying to understand when we are helping her. At the middle school level, the babysitting is over and I feel like she really likes being in control of her own work. Obviously, she was in control before, but somehow when people have tried to help in the past she resisted and then would over rely on them instead of taking ownership and doing what was needed to be successful. I am seeing such a change in her. I know we are only one week in, but it is definitely improvement from before. Yesterday, we took the big kids to the eye doctor and Haley is getting glasses to help her astigmatism. Hopefully that makes school easier for her too.

Daniel is doing okay. He always pumps himself up and then is disappointed when school is school. He did say that he loves being a 6th grader, which is the top grade at his school, rather than a "little 5th grader". Choir, the elective he chose, has some of the trouble makers in it, so he doesn't like that. He also doesn't like singing in Latin, but I'm sure that's normal at this age.

Katelynn is riding the bus home from school with her BFF. This is the first year she hasn't been in class with her, so I'm glad they get to ride the bus home together. She has done pretty well with school and doing her homework. I think she likes her teacher and will have a good year.

Julia turns 1 tomorrow. How did that happen? She is sleeping through the night, has 7 teeth and just started walking in the last few days. I'll update more about her after her one year checkup on Sept 1st.

Seth went to the dentist this morning and has 2 cavities he needs fillings for. Poor boy! We are gonna try to get the fillings with only laughing gas and not sedation. Please pray for him and me that everything will go well. His appointment is on October 3rd. This mama is pretty nervous for him (and me). I cried this morning when they told me, so yeah I'm definitely gonna need God to give me strength.

Alright, there is kinda an update for now. It's been a while. I hope to blog more, but it really depends on how life goes. It's busy and there are things I have to do for me and everyone depending on me, so sometimes the blog has to wait.

And God's been showing and teaching me some precious things I just need to savor for now without jumping on the blog to share. When God releases me, I'll share some more.

I do know that God wants to be nearer to his people than ever before, so seek him and he will speak to you, reveal his heart to you, and you will be amazed by his great love.

The Big Three Four

Another year has come and gone for me. At this point in life, birthdays really aren't a big deal and the celebration is minimal (even though Seth really wanted us to wear party hats). And a new year gives me reason to reflect and I've come to one conclusion: I am really happy and I'm in a really good place right now.

My part time job is really allowing me to be the mom I want to be. I am able to cook dinner most days and just feel more in charge of my evening and time with my family rather than the evening being so stressful and running away from me and causing my organized, perfectionist self feel like a failure. Oh, it is far from perfect and I still overreact and gripe about silly things, but I'm actually enjoying being a mom and wife.

Julia is at a pretty good stage right now, sleeping through the night and is generally more easy going than Seth was at this age. She also is more mobile, which makes life an adventure, but she is also able to go where she wants and I think that makes her generally happier and less frustrated.

It's summer time, which also is nice, since I don't have to try and manage homework times three right now. Each year, the kids are learning to be more in charge of their homework and although I still have to be hands on which each of them, I'm hoping for a little more independence and personal responsibility from them this year. But for the next 2.5 weeks, home life is nice.

Seth is potty trained (except for night time) so that is also so nice. Granted he has accidents from time to time, the stressful part of that process is over for now.

I am weeks away from Julia's introduction to cows milk and the end of my pumping breastmilk at work and I am so excited. Nursing is so much easier when my work day isn't controlled so much by the clock and whether I need to pump again.

This summer my older kids stayed home a couple of days a week, which allowed them to gain some independence and responsibility. It also makes going into a school year with three different schools a whole lot less stressful. The girls are going to bus home from school which will give me some more leeway with my work hours since I feel like I can trust them at home alone.

Spiritually speaking, I feel like I'm kinda in a holding pattern. And that's okay. I was feeling really frustrated earlier this week with things I'm seeing and just what's going on in my life and God spoke very clearly to me. I need to keep my eyes on God, and not what's going on, and get myself ready so that when opportunities I've been praying for open up, I will be ready. I thought, yeah, I can do that. It's so easy to loose focus or start the comparison game and neither one of those things are good for me. I don't know why I let others bother me. Guess the devil just knows where to tempt me. So for now, I will focus on God and letting him lead my steps. He is faithful and he will take care of me if I keep spending time with him.

Love is good because God is good!