No Plan B

Have you ever said something and as soon as you heard yourself, it just clicked? So a few weeks ago in Sunday School (I'm not exactly sure what the date was) I heard myself saying the following statement:

If you trust God with all your heart, you don't have a plan B.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I just realized that if you go back and look at my posts I have been hit by quite a few tons of bricks over the past year or so. I must be in really bad shape. Ha. Okay, back on topic. The verse I was talking about is in Proverbs 3:5. It says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." ALL your heart. Trusting is hard and especially when you are so used to being in control of things. I don't know who passed down the controlling gene to me, but I definitely have it. As long as I can remember I have been over-organized and over-planned and have therefore thought I was controlling all the variables that I could. So I realized, I've been trusting God for plan A, but having plan B in my back pocket the whole time. It is so hard for me to not have some plan in the works. So hard. For example, I was at the store today and I almost purchased something that would help me with my plan B. I realized what I was doing and put it back. No plan B. The second part of that verse has some weight too. Don't trust in my understanding. I have leaned on my own understanding too long. I understand too much and try to control by leaning on myself. No more. I've got to learn to totally & completely trust without reservation. Dana, I'm sure you are laughing your head off because you've been trying to tell me to stop controlling and I want you to know that I'm trying. With God's help, I'm getting rid of my plan B. I'm not going back to trying to plan things my way again. God, I give up. Really, I do. I know it's what you have been waiting on the whole time. This doesn't mean that on occasion I won't think about my plan B since it has become quite a large part of my life, but I commit my plan A, and B, and all the other plans I have to you. You are really the one in control anyways. I just thought I was controlling things by my planning. I give it all to you and wait patiently for your timing. And when my mind lingers to my plans, I pray that you'll help me to put it away and continue trusting. On a totally separate and unrelated note, I determined that I had to blog at least once more this month so I wouldn't only have 2 blogs this month, one of which is from BJ. Life has been crazy, but at least now, May of 2010 will at least tie for last place in the blog world. I may post something tomorrow or Monday and move this month up in the rankings. We'll see.