All I Need to Be

Tell me again that I am strong. Tell me again that I won't fall. I need You here to fix me where I'm wrong. Take me beyond what I can see. Break me, make me believe you have made me all I need to be.

I don't know about you, but somedays I just need God to remind me that in spite of all of my shortcomings and all the things I don't like about myself, He has made me all I need to be. There is comfort in knowing God doesn't see me as flawed or as a project for him to fix. Yes, the more time you spend with God the more you become like him, but he has made me like this for a reason to fulfill his perfect plan for me so he gets glory from my life. I love this song by Fireflight for days when I just need reassurance.

I Stand Amazed

Sometimes, God just leaves me speechless. I am just amazed by all that has transpired in the past week. Let me get the basics out of the way and then I'll get into the meat of the matter. This past week I have been at youth camp with 7 teenagers from church. I haven't been in a few years and it was a lot of fun. My ability to sleep no matter what is going on around me definitely came in handy. Seriously every night I was asleep within 2 minutes of laying my head on my pillow. It didn't matter who was still talking, if the lights were on or not, or what was going on. I still only got about 5-6 hours of sleep a night, but trust me it could have been much worse. This was one of the 2 camps that had separate services for the senior and junior high students. Because my girls were mostly junior highers I went to that service every day. Our speaker was really funny and his sermons were very good. You know you have a good speaker who isn't babying the kids when I can take notes and grow from the things he was talking about. You know you can't have a week at camp without each of the girls having camp crushes/boyfriends that they basically stalk but won't talk to. It is so funny. So, a couple of times I was asked to go ask a guy what his stats were (name, age, what church). I remember those days so I obliged and didn't have a problem at all talking to them. Some of those guys continued to say hi to us the rest of the week, so the girls were thrilled. I plan on going again next year (depending on what happens with our adoption and such). Ok, onto the main reason I decided to blog. While at camp it seems like every service adoption came up at least once. I just took that as confirmation that I am right where God wants me to be and we have made the right decision for us. My heart continues to change every day it seems. I know that God is preparing me for whatever he has in store and the kids that he has planned for us. My heart is making room for them and I am so excited for what God has in store. In the last service, Garland Owensby spoke about lost coins. He had a bunch of coins and asked each of the kids to come and get a coin to represent someone they knew who didn't know Jesus. God immediately burdened my heart, once again, for my babies. After I prayed for quite a few kids that God was giving a burden for the lost to, I went and grabbed a couple of coins for my kids. I found a place and prayed for my babies. I have never felt for anyone else what I feel for these kids God is giving me. I am just amazed at my God and his plans which are so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. As an update in our adoption process, we have most of our adoption application turned in. We were going to attend two classes today that got canceled because the instructor got sick. I was a little bummed because BJ was actually off on a Saturday and we were going to be able to get some of our classes out of the way. But God reminded me, through BJ, that God is lining up the timing of everything according to his plan and not mine. We got our fire extinguishers mounted and now I just need to call the county to schedule a fire inspection so we can mark that off of our list. You wouldn't believe all the hoops we have to jump through to get our kids, but it is so worth it to be in God's will. BJ is working tomorrow so we'll miss him at church. Luckily, my dad got the songs to us early and he was able to get the powerpoints ready for tomorrow, so I won't have to do that in the morning. I have Sunday School and Children's Church tomorrow, so it's going to be a busy day, but as always, God is faithful to show up and use me for his glory.

A Mother's Heart

Ok, so I'm not a mom yet since we just decided to adopt, but as soon as we made that decision, my heart changed. Now, I'm not one that likes change or embraces it quickly, so it must be a God thing. Almost immediately after we shared the news with everyone I found my prayers changing from "I want" and "I need" to "God, protect my babies." I'm starting to understand what it means to be a mother. It's about giving of yourself always, putting your plans aside so your kids get everything they need. It's about going without so they can have and giving them all the love in the world and teaching them to love God. So little ones, know that I'm praying for you and waiting for you and I love you already even thought we've never met. I know God has picked you just for us and we are anxiously awaiting for the day when he brings us together to be the family he saw since before the creation of time.

The Cat is Out of the Bag

Today at church we broke the news to our parents and then church family. BJ and I have decided to adopt. We have always wanted to adopt and decided that now was as good a time as any. Everyone was pretty excited and took the news pretty well. I don't really know why but I thought that my dad would be less accepting of the whole ordeal. However, I had totally forgotten that he tried to convince my mom to adopt these 4 siblings when my sister and I were in college. I don't know why I forget he is such a softy sometimes and he understands more than I give him credit for. We are currently wanting to adopt a sibling group of 2 kids under the age of 5. We know that this may be hard to find since most younger kids in the state system are adopted by foster parents. But just like before, we just trust God that if our kids are out there, they will find their way to our arms. This doesn't surprise him since he had it planned since the creation of time. Ever since we made this decision, I just see life differently. I am always imagining and wondering what our kids will be like. What it will be like to have kids running around and to be a family and no longer just a couple. God's ways are perfect and we are excited for what he has in store. And maybe sooner or later, if its God's will, we will actually have some pics on this blog and not just my ramblings.

I'll try to keep you updated on the process as we go along. God is just so good.

Listening

So BJ and I are trying to make some pretty serious decisions. Like any Christian would do, I asked people to pray for direction and guidance so we'll know what God wants for us in this situation. We don't want to make any rash decisions and definitely don't want to be out of the will of God. So I ask people to pray and we pray for direction. We got some more information about the decision we are trying to make and at first I was okay with it. Then all the options stressed me out and I basically cried for a couple of hours last night because I was scared and I felt like God wasn't helping me. I realized that what stresses me out is that even in letting God lead us, I am trying to control all the outcomes. When I can't control, I get scared and emotional. Goodness, I am just a bad listener. Once I finally stopped crying and toned down my emotions I was able to hear what God was saying. No, I don't know how everything's going to turn out, but I do know that if we will follow God's leading, he will open the doors that need to be opened and close the doors that aren't his way. This isn't an end all to the situation or struggle, but I know God is faithful and there is peace in this valley for me.