Experiences

We got a call today from Mala. She is the regional adoption coordinator at our adoption agency. (Breathe. It's not what you think.) So we are going to be giving some respite care for a foster parent in the area in a couple of weekends. We are going to be watching a 4 year old boy over the weekend so the foster mom can get a break. I think we met him before when his foster mother spoke at one of our adoption classes in the fall. We both thought he was the cutest little boy and I wanted to play with him then, so I'm kinda excited. And here is where I start freaking out. This is when I realize my house is so not ready for a 4 year old boy and I don't have a clue how to handle him. Mala says it'll be a good experience for us and I have to agree with her. Part of me says, "you thought you were going to adopt siblings and you can't handle the thought of one little boy." Somehow it's different mentally, emotionally when the goal is watching a little boy for a weekend as opposed to the potential to adopt a kid. Yeah, I don't have a clue what I am asking for or what I am getting myself into, but God does. The adoption front has been quiet for a month or so, and that's okay. Mala actually asked if I thought she forgot about us. If you remember, when this whole adoption process started B.J. and I agreed that we would make ourselves available and God would bring us kids if this was his will. And if not, the kids wouldn't come and the doors wouldn't open. We are still holding on to that and the possibility that God just wanted us to be willing. He does things for reasons beyond our understanding. And sometimes he is seeing how much we trust him and how much we rely on him over what is normal and comfortable for us. So here come the new experiences and here comes God's hand, providing and helping us when we feel we are in way over our heads.

Figuring Out God

In life, we learn how to read people. We know their methods and basically we are creatures of habit. We sit in the same place at church, order the same food at each restaurant, and sit in the same place at the dinner table. So we think we can figure God out the same way. Yes, his motive is always love, and yes God does not change, but our little human minds cannot fully understand him. He is GOD, not man. This week I was reading in the Bible where God did the same thing different ways. There are a lot of examples of this, but one is when God told Moses to strike the rock once and speak to the rock another time and water would flow out of it. We think if God did it one way in the Bible he should do it that way for us, so we expect that and we try and force that to happen. Like Moses did, doing what is normal or what worked before and not listening to what he is saying. And God is just sitting by, trying to teach us to listen and obey him and not do what we are comfortable with or what has worked before. God isn't teaching us to remember what he did before and replicate it, but to seek him, listen, and obey his specific direction for the situation at hand. So just when we think we have God figured out, we realize he may or may not do things today the way he did them yesterday. Because he is GOD and I am not. No, God is not changing his mind. See, it was in his plan to do things that don't make natural sense so we wouldn't trust what is natural or common , but trust him. It is so much easier to follow the patterns we've always followed, but he is telling us, he is in control and his plan for us is just to listen and obey. Stop comparing how God moved then to now, because God is the one calling the shots and not us.

Hold Me Jesus

Surrender

I hate losing, like really hate it. I am very competitive at things I can win. Now, I am not like a little kid who throws a fit when they don't win, but I am generally not satisfied unless I can win. And if I can't win I find a way to train or work at something until I can win. So surrender sounds to me like I am giving up, like I have been unable to conquer something and that doesn't sit well with my natural tendencies to win and achieve anything I set my mind to. But God is asking for surrender. And not just the tough stuff that we are struggling with. It is easier to give God the stuff that we are uncomfortable with and the struggles. But he also wants to us to give him the things we think we have under control. The things we want. The desires of our heart. The things we've prayed for and seen God bring to us. Like Abraham and Isaac. Abraham waited and trusted God for a son and when God provided, as he always does, God asked for Abraham to surrender his son. I can imagine praying and waiting for something (I am there right now, actually) and then God fulfills his word and provides that thing. You are elated and excited to see the dream come true and if you aren't careful you let go of God and hold onto that thing. Because it has been your hope for so long. Because you finally have satisfaction. And God asks you to surrender that too. You feel betrayed. Like God has provided just to take it back. It's not fair. But you realize that your true victory, your true freedom, is in surrendering it ALL to God and letting him have his way and lead you according to his will. If you'll remember, God didn't take Isaac from Abraham, but was testing to see if he was devoted to God or his promised child. God is asking for surrender of all and trust in him and his ways. Because God knows more and his ways are always better. Yes, he provides, but we have to keep our eyes on God and not fall in love with his provision.

All to Jesus I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him. In his presence daily live.

I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed savior. I surrender all.