Always Listening

It is hard to make it through our 2pm church service each week with 3 kids who really aren't used to being quiet.  So we have a church bag with quiet things they can do and play with in order to make it through the service.  

Before I had kids, I had quite lofty expectations for them. I really didn't want my kids to have to be entertained during preaching.  I wanted them to want to listen, but my expectations were quickly thrown out the window.  They are kids after all and in order to survive we've created the church bag.  

At first the kids depended on coloring or drawing or doing word finds to make it through the services without causing too much of a ruckus.  I haven't really pushed them to listen more or anything, but I have seen them slowly maturing and wanting to listen to what Pastor is saying.  Let me take a moment here to say I am so grateful for great teenagers in our church that love our kids and that our kids look up to.  Alissa, my girls talk about you non-stop and they love you and want to be just like you. :)  I think that is part of the reason they want to sit in their chairs and want to pay attention and look things up in their Bibles as Pastor is preaching and aren't really interested in being otherwise entertained.  It would make sense that I see H wanting to pay attention more than the younger two, but the others will soon follow.  It makes my heart smile to see her wanting to get in and follow others as they follow Jesus.  I know they need people to look up to, besides us, and I am so glad they have some good role models to follow.

D is totally obsessed with paper, so his current mode of entertainment is drawing, tearing, makings all sorts of things out of paper.  But it certainly doesn't mean he isn't listening during service.  Last week after service he told me he was going to have a good attitude because bad attitudes come from the devil. (Thank you Bro Lowry!!) So even if it seems like he is fiddling, I am glad that God is speaking to him right where he is at and it isn't all too mature for him.

Last Sunday K decided she would go to staff prayer with me. The verse Silvestre chose to speak on was Romans 8:37 which says we are more than conquerors.  The song she has fallen in love with on our scripture memory CD is that one. The smile on her face was huge when she turned her head around at me to let me know he was talking about her song.  It is so awesome to see them making connections between what we are teaching and learning at home with what they are hearing at church.  It supports the things we are teaching them and they are so proud when they are learning something we have already been talking about at home.

And while this post is a little random and has a bunch of things about the kids thrown in I should share about the little friendly competition we have going on between H & D.  Let me explain that H is my reading and writing child that could care less about math and D is just the opposite.  Loves memorizing math facts.  So since H (read first born, competitive) needed some encouragement to work on memorizing her addition facts and D knew them better than her, we set up a little flashcard war and so far it is working great.  The only downside is that D gets upset when he isn't winning, but we keep trying to remind him that he is grade behind her and is supposed to be losing.  But he sure is giving her a run for her money.  The flashcards I had to beg H to work with me have become something fun for her, so now she asks to practice them and I am so thrilled! Not because I am a nerd (although I too love a little competition and I do love math) but because she is motivated to work on something that isn't her strong suite but that she can conquer if she puts her mind to it.

So there's my update for the past couple of weeks.  We have had the kids 15 weeks and will be contacting our adoption attorney here in the next couple of weeks to start that paperwork rolling.  We are getting there.  Please be praying for the kids.  We are changing some middle names to family names and changing their last name and we really want them to be okay with that.  We've discussed it and it depends on the day if they like it, don't care, or are against it. I know it can be really confusing to kids, but we really want them to know they are a part of us forever and it will never change. And they need to know that their birth parents will always be a part of who they are.  We encourage them to be honest about how they feel about them and we don't scold them for sharing.  That is a part of their history and we love them enough to not make them hide it or feel ashamed.  It's a very weird place to be for us and them, so prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Worship at Home

If you know me, you know I am a worshiper through and through and love to worship.  In my free time (ha!ha!) I love to just sit at my piano and sing and/or write worship songs to my Daddy God.  I truly believe that learning to worship in song and otherwise is such an important part of learning to love Jesus.  Worship also changes my perspective and overall puts me in a good mood.  We actually enjoy car rides with the kids because the worship music (theirs or mine) chills them out.

So this past week we added a little worship time to our nightly Bible reading/prayer time.  And I love it. At first it was hard to find songs we all know, since they aren't in adult church service with us.  But we have found two that we are singing every night.  They request it.  Just a little time to sing songs to Jesus and show him we love him.  Right now we are singing "Oh, How I Love Jesus" and "Lord I Lift Your Name On High." I love the sound of the voices of our family, singing to Jesus, in our nightly time of worship at home.

12 Weeks

That's how long I've been a mom. It seems like it was just yesterday we were driving to the airport to pick up our kiddos for permanent adoptive placement in our home.  And then again it seems like we've had them forever.

This past week we got their new medicaid cards and on them is listed their new last name, Fowler.  It's so surreal! I will be so glad when the adoption is over and their names will officially be changed to Fowler. Right now I have all the official stuff with their biological last name and the informal stuff as Fowler, just for ease for those who knew us before the kids. It just keeps things a little complicated always having to explain what is going on, or at least that's how I feel at every doctor's visit and official meeting about the kids.

So in about 3 months, I will be free to post names and pictures on my blog.  I am really excited to be at this place and am so grateful!! And these three months are the busiest of my year at work, so I'm sure I'll wake up and we will be to the official adoption court proceedings, also known as "Gotcha Day."

For those of you whom I don't know and am not friends with on facebook, you will be amazed to see how much our kids fit with us and I am ready to show the world my family of 5. So ready for all this to be out in the open. It's hard not being able to brag on my kids like I want to. :)

And just as a way of general update, I was able to get 3 pages scrap-booked this weekend and it feels great.  One week at a time, I will eventually get caught up, I hope. Saturday was very productive for me.  I had a long list of things to do and got all of them done.  I love marking things off of my list.  I just have a better week when my weekend has been productive.

Transition

I don't expect this will be a long post or something of great depth, but I just wanted to take a moment and document some of the things my kids have been saying and doing lately. The transition has been difficult as I am sure you can imagine.  

The other day D said something about us being foster parents and I had to correct them.  Poor baby, he's been moved around so much he doesn't have a clue what is going on.  I keep telling them we are their forever parents, and I think they understand that most of the times, but this is a transition like no other before, so I'm sure it's confusing.  Anyways, lately, I've been feeling like our kids finally get it. Or at least have moments where it all sinks in.

K told me today she wished she came to our house first and skipped all the other foster parents.  Baby, I am sorry you had to get moved around some too, but you aren't going anywhere else, so you don't need to worry.

I have been having to discipline H more lately because she has been quite sassy. (Hello! I have an almost 8 year old girl.  Can I get an Amen?)  It isn't rude or out of control like fits some of the younger ones have, but just little remarks that are totally disrespectful and I am not letting her get away with anymore. So she's had some crying moments as I've taken away her toys or jewelry or made her sit in time out.  But almost immediately after, she is all hugs and lovin'.  To me, that says she knows we are doing our best and she is safe here and not going anywhere. It's okay if we don't always agree, but that doesn't mean we love each other less.  We are stuck together for good.  I think it is harder for kids who have been moved around to get that than kids who've been in one constant home since birth.  It took a little while for her to get there, but we are past her staying angry and pouty for so long after she is disciplined, or I think we are. 

D sure does hate writing sentences. I mean hate it.  And that lets me know it is the perfect discipline for him.  Is it bad that I want him to hate his discipline?  I guess I find some joy in knowing he isn't having fun while he is being disciplined.  I mean, its supposed to teach him what he shouldn't do and not be a reward for him, right?

Tonight as I was putting D to bed he said he promised that tomorrow he would have a good attitude and be a good listener.  That is definitely what I want to hear. Does my heart good! He really does want to do and say the right thing, and over time, I'm sure he'll break some of his bad attitude habits.

Until about 4 this afternoon, I hadn't seen my kids since yesterday morning when I took them to school.  They spent last night at Nana and Papa's so BJ and I could go out for his birthday.  Then today BJ and Nana and the kids went to Bops.  So when they got home today, I could tell they missed me and it felt so good.  Not because I think they didn't have fun, because I'm sure they did, but just because it lets me know I am loved.  The three of them smothered me with hugs and kisses and D just wanted to sit by me and touch me and be hugged.  I had so much going on today, but I have to admit I missed them too. Not the sassy mouths or the way they annoy each other to death, but the gentle requests or when they are being sweet to us or each other, which is quite a bit these days. I think the thing I missed the most today was the quiet songs they hum or sing as they are going about the house or playing.  Maybe its something they made up, maybe its a real song with the words all messed up because of what they think the words are. I love the fact my kids love music.  Just one of the ways we know they totally belong with us.

Train up a Child...

Tomorrow it is back to work for me, but not before I post about a few things that have happened in the last couple of days that I don't want to forget.

I was raised in church and raised to love God and serve him, but so were a lot of other people who have since chosen different paths.  And honestly, I don't know what made the difference. Besides God.  So this whole parenting thing and raising my kids to love God has been a bit of a struggle.  All I know to do is to be real with them and show and explain to them how we are choosing God first for our family. We talk about God at our home a lot and we are trying to teach our kids that loving God is the most important thing they will ever do.  We do nightly Bible time and family prayer time in an attempt to show them it is important. But sometimes it feels like we are speaking to deaf ears.  And I wonder if it is making any difference. So I've done a lot of praying, begging God that something we have said or a choice we have made has impacted our kids in some way.  Praying that some day the Holy Spirit will make it all clear to them.  That a light bulb will go off and they will have an "aha" moment. This week we had a couple of those moments.

Monday, January 2nd, we were on the way to the Psychiatrist and H started asking questions about one of the worship songs we were listening to in the car.  She then asked how to ask Jesus in her heart.  I went through the ABC's of salvation (thank you Missionettes) and tried to explain it as best as I could to her what it meant and what she needed to do. She said, "Mommy, can you help me." And as simple as that, I lead her in a prayer and she asked Jesus to come into her heart.  It was so awesome! So awesome! So we talked a little more about having a relationship with Jesus every day and talking to him and reading his word. I am so glad I had the opportunity to do this with her.  I have really not tried to push the issue with any of my kids because I don't want them to do what they think will make us happy or what is the "cool" thing to do, but I want them to make a decision on their own.  Because then I pray it will stick and not just be a fleeting thing. I prayed this day would come, although honestly, I didn't think H would be the first, or that this day would come so quickly. We made a big deal of it and have told her how proud we are.  She told her grandparents and teachers from church, and I'm pretty sure she understands how excited and proud we are of her decision and that this was a big deal and very important. I am determined to remember the date for her and celebrate her "spiritual birthday" with her every year as my mom has done with me. It is such a special thing for us as my mom was the one to lead me to Jesus also.

My second moment  was sometime this week when they were all listening and singing to a kids worship dvd.  I love when they do it.  K always follows the movements and has such a fun time with it, probably more than the others.  She is definitely my worshipper.  Not that the others aren't, but she is always making up songs to Jesus about her day or whatever else is going on and I can just sense her love for Jesus when she is singing.  It is just so sweet.  A song came on and the kids on the video were singing with their eyes closed and hands raised, and K copied them.  You should have seen the emotion on her face as she was worshiping Jesus.  I loved it. Every. Second. So innocent and so pure and making momma and God so happy.

Tonight during our family prayer time, H asked if she could sing a song to Jesus for her prayer tonight.  I said sure as long as she was being serious and was really singing to Jesus.  She chose Jesus loves me. And I know God was pleased with her heart. 

D is really into hurting the devil lately.  I've shared before, I believe, that he can get pretty angry and upset when he feels he is being treated unfairly.  Well today, he just about had it with the devil and was telling him off.  There are several words that aren't allowed in our house that I let him use (hate, stupid, shut up) because he was giving the devil the what for and I just smiled.  When he was done he told me everything was gonna be okay now because he took care of the devil and he won't bother us for a while.  I loved it. A spiritual warrior already. He is also very compassionate and every night he will pray that God will help each of the kids by name with whatever they were dealing with that day.  Not to be rude or point fingers, but just because he believes God can help and he wants them all to be at their best.  I love his sweet heart. And I am believing right there with him for God to help them with their daily struggles.

So I really think we are getting there.  

Tomorrow, the kids go back to school, so we are praying for a fresh start to finish off the year.  They have really been very good over the holidays and are mostly looking forward to seeing their friends again.  We've adjusted some of their meds and are all praying (D included) that this will help them to be able to control themselves better and be better listeners and students. We are expecting a good report tomorrow!