Super Sunday

27 Weeks 1 Day

Today was a good day and things are going well around the Fowler household. We had our annual promotion for our Wednesday night classes. I am losing two of my girls and gaining Haley and two of her friends.  It's going to be a change mainly because I am getting new girls and they are on the younger end of the grades my class covers.  I also think it may be difficult having Haley in there, but we will see.  As I've been told, I am a little harder on them than some of the other teachers.  Let's just say I push them to do things they don't think they can do and sometimes that can be hard to adjust to.

And in our Sunday School class we are gaining two newbies. I'm excited about that. I like our class, but I'm sure it's hard to adjust from any one teacher to another since everyone is a little different.

The kids are starting to get excited about Seth coming. And I'm loving it.  Haley comes up to me and rubs my belly and talks to Seth often and Katelynn has been doing this from the beginning.  I guess its becoming more real to them because they can actually see my belly getting bigger and we look at pictures of how big Seth should be every week. Only 13 weeks left and it'll be here before we know it.  I'm getting excited.

Today I did something that is not at all what the old Sandra would have done.  I went up to someone, who kind of intimidates me, and initiated a normal conversation in which I apologized about a misunderstanding.  I am so thankful God gives us second chances.  I guess the main reason I am so proud of myself is that I have struggled with this for so long.  I have been so locked up, intimidated, and not able to just be real and honest and today, with God's strength, I crossed this hurdle.  And it went fine.  And I am gaining confidence that I can do this again and it will be okay.  It is so hard to put yourself out there when your heart remembers the hurt from the past where you got your head chopped off, but I'm not letting that control me anymore.  Because God is big enough and He can make a way for me to keep moving forward in him.  

25w3days

25 Weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 25 weeks 3 days
Size of the Baby: 13 1/2 inches long and weighs about a pound and a half, the size of a rutabaga
Total Weight Gain/Loss: 14  pounds.  If I gain a pound a week from here on out, I'll be at 30 pounds or so and I'll be happy with that.  My doctor this week commented on my 6 pound weight gain in the last month. He made me cry.  What can I say?  I am naturally a crier and now I'm pregnant in addition.  I know I gained more than I have yet, and I probably had a few too many shakes in the past month, so now I'm being more careful about what I eat.  Those shakes sure were good, but I guess I have to say goodbye to them for a while. :(
Maternity Clothes: Almost entirely. Seth is sitting pretty low in my pelvis, so anything that is tight around my lower abdomen isn't comfortable for too long.  I prefer to wear dresses most days right now.  I am sleeping in larger gym shorts and a big t-shirt mostly.  I guess that's the only area I haven't switched to exclusively maternity clothes.
Gender: Boy, Seth Edward Fowler
Movement: All the time. I don't really keep track of how many times per day or hour right now, but he's moving around pretty regularly. I need to get BJ to feel it soon. We've just been so busy I don't really think about it.
Sleep:  I sleep pretty normally, except for my once a night bathroom trip. I am not quite sure at what point I started being comfortable enough to sleep again, but I'm glad its here for at least a few weeks (or I am hoping). I love my sleep and am actually the most nervous about not getting enough sleep with a newborn at home.
What I Miss Most: Sitting down comfortably for long periods of time, confidence in my figure, my back not hurting from sitting, standing, laying wrong, and normal (pre pregnancy) metabolism (I've never really watched my weight and I don't like it being watched for me. I know I am going to gain some weight, but its still hard to see it happen, even if it is for a good reason. And then my doctor commented on it...I guess he couldn't know how hard that is on my self esteem right now.)
Cravings: ice cream shakes
Symptoms: lower abdomen pain/uncomfortable, food aversions (mainly chicken, which I didn't really like before I was pregnant), lower back pain, bloating
Best Moment of the week: I actually have three. The first is going to the doctor and hearing the heartbeat.  I love how Dr W always comments on how loudly Seth's heartbeat is and how easy it is for him to find it. Secondly, I found out that we have one more 4 week appointment before the appointments start getting closer together.  This means we are getting closer to Seth being here. Also, I got a compliment this week from an unexpected source that totally surprised me and made my day. I never knew being pregnant would make me feel insecure, but I guess it has.

I've decided to do this preggo update post on the weeks of my doctor's appointments (just thinking outloud here).

It looks like we are getting a new car here quickly.  I'll be sure to post pics once that happens. I am excited, but sad that my car (which I love) isn't going to be big enough for us once Seth gets here. Oh, well!

My sister graduated with her masters this afternoon, so the kids and I went to the graduation at UNT. They are in town until Tuesday, so I am excited to get to spend some time with her over the next few days and the kids always love playing with Erin.

Deliberate Gratitude

Today I turn the big 3-0.  And its okay. Life is good because God is good.  I have a friend who just found out she is pregnant and she is so ecstatic.  I have been so busy and just trying to survive the day in and day out, I've forgotten to be thankful for where I am. I've forgotten how excited I'm supposed to be about all of this.  I am getting used to Seth moving and haven't let myself be overjoyed about being exactly where I dreamed I would be, in the future, someday.  Someday is here and I choose to celebrate.

Last year at this time, I was dreading the coming year.  Because reaching 30 and not being where you thought you would be in life can be depressing.

Last year, we had just found out that N&D who we hoped to adopt were going to live with their uncle. And we were crushed.  And we got the broadcast for our kids (for the second time) and were waiting to see if we'd been selected.  I think the more times your dreams are crushed, the less hope you have each time you put yourself out there for another set of kids. So, even though I felt like they were to be our kids, we were in the time of waiting and unsure of what the next year would hold for us and our family.

Since that time a lot has changed. I think my mom said it best in my birthday card.

Last year - no children, not pregnant, wanting to be a mother sooooooooo much.

This year - 3 great health children, pregnant with a little boy, great family, new house

Your dream is here!

Thank you God for all your blessings in the past year. Your timing is amazing and your goodness never fails! 

This morning as I was reading my devotional, it pointed out a verse that I am going to use as a theme scripture for me in the next year.  It's a common verse, but the version Joyce Meyers used spoke to me like it hasn't before.

Philippians 1:6

Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁶ And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

God is working to make his plan perfect in me, bringing it to completion in my life.  The plan isn't perfect because of the vessel, the plan is perfect because the one who created the plan is perfect. And God won't give up on me or his plan until he returns and it is made perfect and complete in Him.

Called to This?

So if you've been reading my blog at all lately you know I've been seeking God and trying to figure out what he is leading me to next. Not because I'm not happy, I just feel like there is more I should be doing. Like there are things he's been speaking to me and I am yet to see them fulfilled or matured to the fullness of what God has for me.

Fast forward to last Sunday.  I don't really know what was going on with me besides the fact that I was really stressed and hormonal for lack of better words.  I basically cried through both services and didn't really know why except that things aren't turning out the way I think they should.  Nothing major, just me trying to be perfect again and expecting too much of myself and others. Ughh! Will I ever learn?

So we had a guest speaker who is a missionary to China in the afternoon service.  And I was reminded I was called to this like he is called to China.  I believe Christians are called to parent their kids and teach them God's way.  I don't mean to understate the importance of that, because it is very important. Very. But we have been called as ambassadors to three kids that were rejected, were neglected, who knew nothing about God or his love. This is the ministry God wants me to focus on. My kids.

Somehow thinking of parenting my kids this way changes my perspective.  It helps me see the bigger picture and be more determined to not give up or let myself feel like a failure.  Because I am strong enough for the challenge because He has equipped me for this.  He has called me to this.

And God is helping me to teach them His ways and is helping them to unlearn their normal and relearn how to live God's way. And I need to remind myself old habits die hard.  They aren't going to unlearn everything in a year.  It's going to take time and that's okay. And I have to love them to Jesus, showing them his compassion and trusting God along the way.  Just like a missionary in a foreign land starting from nothing.

Let me take a moment and brag on Daniel.  Lets start by saying he has responded to his past with anger which is very common.  So it's been a struggle to get him to not take everything as a personal threat to him or as an attack.  His natural response was to defend himself and get angry instead of letting the teacher/adult handle when people treat him rudely (or he perceives that is what is happening).  All that to say that today at the YMCA he accidentally ran into another kid and then apologized and went back to his friends. The other kid came over to him and kicked him.  Instead of getting angry and retaliating he did nothing.  The teachers/adults saw it and the other child got in trouble for their actions.  I was so proud of him for acting like Jesus would and "turning the other cheek" so to speak.  I am not teaching my son to be a wimp or get run over, but to control his emotions and let the teachers handle it.  And he is learning.  We are still a long way from what I would expect of children I raised from birth, but that is not where we are starting from (I keep having to remind myself of that).  They are learning to respond and love like Jesus does and it is so exciting to see the growth in the past 9 months.  God is definitely working in them.