Father Abraham

Everyone sing along!

Father Abraham had many sons.
Many sons had Father Abraham.
I am one of them and so are you.
So lets just praise the Lord.
(right arm, left arm, right foot, left foot, nod your head, turn around, sit down.) 

The story of Abraham is probably one of the ones I read the most and keep going back to. He is an example of faith in the face of adversity.

God promised Abraham the impossible and Abraham believed that God could do just what he promised. I am sure he had days where he wondered what God thought he was doing or if God was ever going to keep his word.  But he kept holding on to God's promise, despite seeing no evidence of God's hand at work.

If we are honest with ourselves, not many of us would hold on to God's promise of children so faithfully and so fervently for as long as Abraham did. 

The key to his faith is found in Romans 4:20-21

²⁰ yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, ²¹ and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.

He didn't let emotions or circumstances control his belief in a God who can do the impossible. If God said it, that was enough for Abraham to believe that God would do it. And he continued to give glory to God thanking him for his fulfilled word before he saw one piece of evidence to give him reason for the ridiculous (to the human mind) stance he had chosen to take.

As God's kids we are sons and daughters of the faith of Abraham. As we grow closer to God and learn to trust him (fully relying on God) without proof or logical reasoning to support our decision, we step into the life of faith that God desires for us. We may not feel like faith giants right now, but when God looks at us, he sees who we are becoming in him. He sees the victorious and the warrior and not the week and defeated. And we will be those things, by the grace of God.

When we get it into our spirit man that God is working and will bring about his promises in us, we might just have reason to praise the Lord and dance a little jig! (That's what all the right arm left arm stuff is about. Ha!)
 

Amazed

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

I really love this song and have since I first heard it. But this morning as I was singing on my way into work God opened my eyes to what I was singing.

This is not a song declaring God's love because it is present and amazing in our lives, but a song declaring the awesomeness of the love of God when we can't feel or sense it. The verse talks about the ways God loves us when we aren't even aware of it. It is in those valleys when we can't feel God with us that we need to be declaring the lyrics to this song.

God, your love is amazingly wide, deep, great when I am in the midst of the storm and have nothing but my faith and trust in you to assure me that you do indeed love me. Even then your love is all around me, surrounding me, protecting me.  And I know that is true, despite my emotions and feelings, because you, God, are faithful. You don't change. When the storm around me is raging, I am still amazed by your love for me. Your gentle, strong, never-ending love.

I Can't Love

I am horrible at loving people. It is not natural for me to be compassionate and kind, patient and loving toward others, especially when I feel like they are being irresponsible or immature. I will try to help anyone once, but I tend to give up on people who won't help themselves or continue to make the same bad choices.

And I have tried to be loving where I know it isn't natural for me. It only last so long before I find myself impatient and frustrated again and feeling like I have wasted my effort and energy. 

Tonight I was looking through our Sunday school material and something just hit me. True love, God's love is a fruit of the Spirit, so the only way I can ever fully love someone like God does is to let God's Spirit dwell in me and love through me. It is not something I can practice or learn but it must come straight from God to them. 

And the more time I spend with the God, the more loving and patient I will become, by his strength and his power. So I have to learn, not how to love, but how to be closer to God and let him love people through me. I have been making this way too hard and getting frustrated with myself in the process.

Thank you God for loving through me as I stay close to you and strive to be led by your Spirit each day.

Expectations Part II

My friend, Kim, posted a great blog about expectations of others here. I want to piggyback on her post because it was so good.

For me, I get disappointed because I place too high of expectations on myself.  It is the whole perfectionist part of who I am. I hate it when I disappoint myself. Unfortunately, when you do that, there is no one else to blame or to even gripe at, but it all turns inward.

My conversations with myself go something like this: "Sandra, you have been serving God for almost 25 years and you still can't get your act together. Can't you just trust God and stop trying to do it all yourself? Seriously! What is your problem?  Just don't mess things up! How hard can it be?"

It's that whole part of me that wants to do everything for everyone and never run out of steam or get tired. That part that longs to be patient with my kids and husband and show them my love with my actions and not just my words. Get everything at work finished then run home, whip up a great home-cooked meal everyone loves, do the dishes, and the laundry, help the kids with their homework, put them to bed and most importantly, do it all with a smile and never once raising your voice.  Then I should spend hours with God in deep worship and Bible study when the reality is I get home and just want to collapse on the couch for the night.

And the devil loves to use that on me. It's my weak spot and he is fully aware of that.  So he reminds me where I have failed time and again. I try to ignore him, but sometimes he wins, if even for a moment.

But when I fail, I always fall into the arms of a loving God, who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. And I am so thankful for those everlasting arms that hold me tight and let me just be. Who softly remind me that he has called me by name and I am his cherished one. That I am loved even when I can't accomplish the lofty goals I set for myself. He reminds me that he has clothed me with his righteousness and that I am good enough for him. That he is my source and sufficiency and his grace is enough for me. 

So I choose today to let Him be enough for me before I get myself all stressed out and disappointed. And not after I've tried all there is to try and have come up empty and feeling defeated.

If God doesn't place those high expectations on me, who am I to expect more out of myself then even God does? And that is not God's best for me. That is what I desire most of all.

No Excuses

If you are in my Sunday School class (and I would dare say the only one of my readers this applies to is my husband) you've heard me pray and thank God because he sees me and knows me. Initially this was something I started saying to remind me of God's grace when I fail or to remind me that God knows where I am in life and so he is gracious to cut me some slack right now.

But I think I've overused that statement and it has become my excuse for not giving myself fully to what God has called me to. Yes, I'm tired and living in a time of transition especially with Seth and sleeping/midnight feedings, but it is time for me to fix some things. If I am honest with myself (and I guess the little corner of the world that reads this), I have placed my wind down time after everyone has gone to bed over God. Not that I don't get my daily time in with God, but it isn't what I'd like it to be in length or depth. Because I am making some poor choices. I have this need to watch my DVR'd shows and clear them off of my DVR, and as silly as that sounds, I am left exhausted when it gets to my time with God. And so, he gets my left overs. 

And I know his grace is sufficient for me, but I've got to stop making excuses and just make him my priority.  For the sake of my relationship with him.  Because I'm not where I need to be.

Gonna work on this again. Definitely not the first time I'm been here. I know what I should do, but I don't do it. (I feel like Paul in Romans 7, constantly struggling with this.) 

But I must keep moving forward.  Despite my reasons and excuses. Because God deserves my best.