Expectations Part II

My friend, Kim, posted a great blog about expectations of others here. I want to piggyback on her post because it was so good.

For me, I get disappointed because I place too high of expectations on myself.  It is the whole perfectionist part of who I am. I hate it when I disappoint myself. Unfortunately, when you do that, there is no one else to blame or to even gripe at, but it all turns inward.

My conversations with myself go something like this: "Sandra, you have been serving God for almost 25 years and you still can't get your act together. Can't you just trust God and stop trying to do it all yourself? Seriously! What is your problem?  Just don't mess things up! How hard can it be?"

It's that whole part of me that wants to do everything for everyone and never run out of steam or get tired. That part that longs to be patient with my kids and husband and show them my love with my actions and not just my words. Get everything at work finished then run home, whip up a great home-cooked meal everyone loves, do the dishes, and the laundry, help the kids with their homework, put them to bed and most importantly, do it all with a smile and never once raising your voice.  Then I should spend hours with God in deep worship and Bible study when the reality is I get home and just want to collapse on the couch for the night.

And the devil loves to use that on me. It's my weak spot and he is fully aware of that.  So he reminds me where I have failed time and again. I try to ignore him, but sometimes he wins, if even for a moment.

But when I fail, I always fall into the arms of a loving God, who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. And I am so thankful for those everlasting arms that hold me tight and let me just be. Who softly remind me that he has called me by name and I am his cherished one. That I am loved even when I can't accomplish the lofty goals I set for myself. He reminds me that he has clothed me with his righteousness and that I am good enough for him. That he is my source and sufficiency and his grace is enough for me. 

So I choose today to let Him be enough for me before I get myself all stressed out and disappointed. And not after I've tried all there is to try and have come up empty and feeling defeated.

If God doesn't place those high expectations on me, who am I to expect more out of myself then even God does? And that is not God's best for me. That is what I desire most of all.