Normal

Tonight was Spirit Night at Spring Creek for my kids' school. They finally scheduled it on a night we could go so we chose to participate. We saw many teachers the kids knew and they were all excited (kind of funny coming from kids who more often complain about school or at least the work involved than are excited about it.) One of the teachers came by to offer us yummy hot rolls and took a minute to converse with the kids. She innocently started comparing the kids to each other and started to discuss which of us (B.J. or I) the kids looked like.  We kind of smiled at each other and let her continue. None of the kids or us felt the need to offer an explanation and for the first time I felt like we were a normal family. One that doesn't need an excuse or explanation to describe our struggles or the public opinion of us. We just naturally are a family that belong together.   That were placed together by an almighty God that knows exactly what he is doing.

I am amazed by how God has orchestrated our family and honestly want to share our story with everyone I meet to share his goodness. But the other side of the coin is that I have found myself using the whole adoption story and quick expansion of our family bit to gain sympathy or to leave myself a reason or excuse for failure, should it happen. But I have found that in giving an excuse, I am somehow rejecting my kids, isolating them from us, at least mentally instead of embracing them and defending them as I should. And that is not what I should be doing. For their sake. For God's plan to be fulfilled in us. In me. 

God has been teaching me to accept his plan and for the most part I have been walking in that. But I have held a small corner of my heart back. Kind of a plan B or an excuse. In case I failed as a mom or a spiritual leader for them. Because I was/am scared and hate to fail. But slowly those kids are helping me see that It is all gonna be okay. Not perfect according to my high expectations for myself (which really need to go anyway) but good. Perfect according to His Ways. 

As time passes there will be more and more people who don't know our story and although we will never forget the grace of God, it will be good for us to continue to grow as a normal family and to become the team God intended us to be. To support each other and love each other and live as a unit doing life together God's way. Normal with no excuses.