Tuesday Morning Syndrome

Sundays are great! It is nice to get a break from the norm and be able to attend church and be able to worship together with other believers. Every Sunday it seems that God meets us and touches our hearts, refreshing us and strengthening us for the week ahead.

Then Monday rolls around. For me, Mondays are okay. Yes, we all have to go back to school and work, but generally there is some remnant of God's presence from the great Sunday services.  I am still very much aware of what God spoke to me and am living in gratitude for his work in my life.

But then Tuesday hits. At this point, I am deep in the trenches for the week (and they are indeed muddy trenches for me) with homework and duties around the house and stress from work and just the many many little things that I am responsible for or dealing with that I really would rather ignore, but I can't. For me, Tuesdays are the hardest day of the week spiritually speaking. This is when the devil raises his ugly head again and tries to disrupt God's peace in my inner man by creating chaos all around me.

This morning was definitely one of those days.  Starting at about 5:30 (while I was still in bed and at least half asleep) I started dreading getting up. Not because I went to bed too late the night before and not because I knew really anything that my morning would involve, but I could just feel the spiritual attack coming on. Maybe this Tuesday was worse than others because of the awesome way God used me on this past Sunday as I shared His word in the afternoon service. (Praise God for using me!)

But regardless of how I feel or what I think today holds, there are some things I am sure of:

I am not who I think I am. I am who God says I am!
I am strong in the strength of God and will stand against the devil and his lies!
I am not the victim but the victorious through the blood of Jesus!

Right Direction

Sunday is quickly approaching and I am excited (and a little nervous) about what God is going to do through me as I obey him by preaching at my church. I keep hearing over and over in my spirit, "You aren't even going to recognize yourself." God spoke this very clearly to me about a month ago in relation to the new doors he is opening for me.  When I walk through these doors, it won't be my doing, but his and he has promised to go with me and lead me. If I will obey him (even when it doesn't make sense or look like I want it to) he will be faithful to show up.

Shortly after my last post, where I wrote about having the sermon all put together,  God started changing the sermon. As in, it is nothing like it was. There is one verse that applies to both, but besides that, you wouldn't even know they started in the same place if I didn't tell you they did. I guess it's just God's way of making sure I depend on him and not on myself. 

Kinda like God reduced Gideon's army from 37,000 strong men to 300 in Judges 7. God still brought the victory, just not how Gideon expected it to happen. And when he was victorious God's way, Gideon couldn't help but give God the glory.  Yeah, I feel a lot like Gideon. Stripped down to nothing. Being forced (in the best way possible) to depend only on God because I have nothing left.

Last night I had a bad dream. Not bad as in a nightmare, but more like the devil trying to discourage or distract my thoughts. In the dream I was trying to give the word God had given me to the people, but nothing flowed. I was stuttering over my words. People were getting up and leaving in the middle. It was bad. I am honestly surprised I didn't wake up in tears or discouraged. I was able to just identify it for what it is (an attempt to thwart God's plans) and move on. 

Honestly, when the devil starts fighting, it just confirms to me that I am on the right track, going the right direction, following God as he leads. The devil thinks he's so tricky, but my God is bigger than any scheme the devil tries to throw against me. 

So watch out devil, here I come!

Waiting and Praying

This last week I finished putting together the message God gave me so now it's just a waiting game until the 23rd. Praying and waiting. Waiting and praying.

I've been praying in the Spirit mostly and letting God lead my prayers concerning that service. I guess you could say I am letting God stretch me and he is definitely doing that. I am asking God for some big things for that service.

I am not so worried about the sermon itself but more about the delivery. In the past when I have put together lessons (primarily for Sunday School) I have held back my excitement probably in fear that it would not be reciprocated. I have not felt free to express myself as God was leading, so I have put a damper on the anointing to save face.

So I am praying for freedom. Total freedom to speak the Word of God boldly. Freedom to get excited about the truth God is revealing through his word. Freedom to let God speak and move through me and touch others. 

Where the Spirit of The Lord is, there is freedom. And since he lives in me, I can be totally free to be all God has designed me to be, without hesitation or second guessing. 

God has also led me to pray for fertile soil that receives the seed of God's word and  allows it to affect them.

I am excited to see what God has in store!

Doors Open

God started speaking to me about preaching about a year ago. And now the time has come for me to walk through that door. I will be sharing God's word at my church on Sunday, March 23rd in the 2pm service. Praise be to God! (If you want more details send me an email or message on facebook.)

Let me back up a little so you understand what a "God thing" this is. As a child and even through college, I hated public speaking. I would get prepared and then psych myself out. To the point of tears. (Singing and acting have always been different for me. I have never had a problem with either and have been singing for audiences since I was 2 or so.) My first B ever was in my speech class in college. It was something about feeling like I was being critiqued and scored for speaking in front of others that could put me in a panic. Looking back I don't think it was as much about the speaking as it was about eyes staring at me and my appearance, my skin, my hair, my less than designer wardrobe.

So the thought of my sharing what God has laid on my heart in a public setting is so not me. But it is exactly where God is leading me now. He has given me time to get used to the idea. (I am so thankful for that. Sometimes God gives me times to adjust to change, since he knows I don't do change well.) I have had dreams where I have seen myself preaching and ministering and it was good. I think it was God's way of preparing me and letting me know that it was okay to step out in this and that he will not leave me by myself.

I now know that God moved me to teaching the college/career Sunday School class as a preparation for this. When I started, it was very hard for me. I chose to not use literature because I really wanted God to lead me and not to be bound by literature. And God starting speaking to me through his word in ways I had never experienced in my many years serving him.  And my few faithful blog readers got to hear a lot of what God was showing me. I starting using this blog to share those thoughts and to process what God was saying. And that too, has been good for me.

God started giving me a word to share in May of 2013. For nine months, I added thoughts and scriptures verses to it, waiting patiently for an opportunity to share.  A few weeks ago I felt God urging me to ask my pastor for an opportunity to preach and he quickly said yes and we put it on the calendar. So here we are.

I am excited and at least a little scared. If you would, please pray with me, for me, that I will be led by God as I put this together and that He will increase and I will decrease.