Today, Pastor Sid preached an excellent sermon on grace. Thought I'd share a couple of thoughts I've been processing about grace. My understanding of grace has grown over the years.
I remember the night I realized my need for a savior during our nightly Bible Time routine with my mom. I was suddenly aware how sinful I was and how much I could never be good enough for God. Never work up to his acceptance or standard. I knew I needed Jesus in order to receive the gift of salvation and I prayed that night to accept his gift. I was the recipient of grace. Of receiving a gift I could never earn or pay back and I was grateful. I was six years old.
Since that time, I've grown in God. I've also wavered between feeling not worthy and being assured that I was chosen and loved by God, mostly the latter. I have been trained to stand on God's word and to be confident in who I am in Christ. In that confidence I have learned to hear and obey God (most of the time). I'm far from perfect but I am very intentional about doing all I can for the kingdom. I'm a typical overachiever, not to earn approval, but because it is who I am. Many times I have had to come back to God and apologize when my plans and doing hindered his. When even for a moment my motives were misplaced, trying to prove to God that his gift of grace to me was not in vain. That I was worth his sacrifice.
I struggle with balancing pride and confidence. I never intend to do things so I'll look better or to make others see me, but I can't help but do everything to my best. Many times that gets the attention of others, even if it wasn't my purpose, so I reevaluate my motives often. I ask God to show me if I'm trying to control or be arrogant because that is not what my heart is seeking, even if outsiders see it that way. In contrast, I don't want to go back to that girl that was so intimidated, so scared to move or afraid to obey when God speaks. Who was so dependent on the acceptance of others, who would crumble at the slightest suggestion or critique. That isn't who God purposed me to be any more than a haughty know it all who thinks she's better than everyone. So I strive daily to find that confidence in Christ alone and boldly obey, even if I'm misunderstood.
Right now, where I struggle with grace is not in relation to myself but others. I know we are all sinners, I know that we all need Jesus and none of us could ever do anything for God to love us any more or less. But it bothers me when God extends his grace and the recipient doesn't do anything to show their gratefulness. I'm a doer, and people who aren't tend to frustrate me. How can you receive such a great gift as the grace of God and not be motivated to draw closer to him? I expect people to be me, knowing fully well they aren't. I expect people to want to change and get out of their old ways, but God is the only one who can make that change. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I judge whether people are worthy of God's grace or not. I build connection or not based on whether they live up to my standards. As if my opinion or judgment is more significant than God's. And I have turned them away when they have come searching for hope and love instead of offering what they need and I have. I have made it my duty to defend and protect the reputation of God by disallowing the unworthy to come to him, all the while smearing his name in the mud. Making him appear unloving and critical when he is the antithesis of those things. No wonder the lost don't come to the church where their solution is waiting. The church with it's haughty eyes label and discard them after first glance.
We have lost the essence of the grace that we have so freely received. Where is the love of God he has shown in our hearts? Where is the compassion (not empathy) for the lost? His love should compel us to get out of our bubbles and share his grace to those who aren't like us. To help them feel loved and wanted just as they are, in the middle of their sin, just like we were before he called to us. Are we so far removed from our salvation experience that we actually believe that pointing out their sin and condemning them for it is our duty? That we are pleasing God by pushing them away to fix themselves?
What about our fellow Christians? Do we think we are no longer required to show love and grace to those who "should know better?" No wonder the church is divided. We are as ungracious and unforgiving to each other as the unchurched. Goodness, we need to learn to love more, forgive quickly (even without an apology) and stop letting the petty things distract us. We need to grow up and put aside our feelings for the sake of His Kingdom! There are lives at stake and depending on us to be united!
Our lives should be evidence of the grace we have received from God! It should pour out from us in every day interaction. Then, we will be different. Then, we will be salt and light. Then the world will see Jesus more clearly and he will draw men to himself. Then we will see the kingdom advancing!
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