Full but Not Satisfied

Today I had Bethel Music's song In Over my Head playing over and over. Great song if you ever never heard it! One of the first lines really struck a chord with me.

I've come to this place in my life,
I'm full but I've not satisfied
This longing to have more of you.

It made me think about the difference between being full and satisfied. Usually when we are full, have filled our stomachs we are no longer searching for something to eat. We don't have room for anything else.

In the busy world we live in , it is very easy to live a full life. I try and be very intentional about not filling my life so full I don't have room for anything extra, but my life is pretty full. Between marriage, parenting 5 kids with different personalities and needs, church, and work, there really isn't much extra space in my life and we really don't have the kids over involved in any extra things, so I'm sure some of you are more full than I am.

Many of us have been told the lie (and we're convinced) that we will be satisfied if we get ourselves active in as many things as possible. But I've found that I can be full of the wrong things and not be any where close to satisfied. We have to actively choose where we will spend ourselves and pursue the only one who will satisfy our inner longings, God himself. 

You can be equally busy doing what seems right and good or doing what God has asked of you. One leaves you weary and tired and the other leaves you refreshed and fulfilled. Don't just do stuff to fill your time. It's not all the same. Who and what you pursue makes all the difference.

30 Blogs...Continued

So 5 years ago I started this 30 blog challenge and made it a whopping three days. I created a separate label for those blogs (so whomever could search for them) and it has been bothering me that the category called 30 Blogs only has 3 entries.  So I must go back and finish the 30 Blogs (yes even 5 years later). I give you permission to laugh at my insanity.

#4 - What is a habit that you wish you didn't have?

This is so pertinent right now. The habit I wish I didn't have is kind of multifaceted. It's my obsession with finishing things in total or completing what I start. I suppose it goes hand in hand with being a perfectionist. Normally finishing what you start is a good thing, but if I get stuck in the middle of something I don't have desire to finish or can't finish, it is very hard for me to leave it and move on to something else. A good example would be when I'm reading a book. Maybe the beginning is good and then I get in the middle and it doesn't feel applicable or as helpful​ as it once did. I feel guilty skimming through or putting the book away and starting a new book. I also feel guilty only reading parts of a book and not all of it. I was just telling my mom I'm trying to give myself permission to skip things that don't apply and not feel like I'm cheating. Seriously, it's not like I'll be given a quiz on the literature. I think the bigger issue than not finishing something is that I'm not released to move on to something else and I get stuck. I'm trying to cut myself a break, but it's a work in progress.

I also think it's funny that I'm picking up on something I didn't finish 5 years ago and writing about being frustrated with not letting myself not finish something...

Promise

Over time promises have lost their significance, their value. People make promises all the time and rarely keep them, either because of intentional manipulation/deception or they just forget what they promised. A promise just isn't seen as any more than an intention or goal, which is quickly overtaken by the current activities or focus. We change like shifting shadows.

No wonder we view the promises of God as hopeful ideas or good intentions rather than truth. We shouldn't be surprised when we have difficulty keeping our word that we expect the same out of God. We hope he keeps his word, but won't build our lives on that promise for fear it won't come to be and we'll have to find another way through.

Or maybe we expect that when we are intentional to thank God for his promises in advance, and our perspective and attitude changes that those around us will also change. That our circumstances or struggles will disappear into thin air or resolve themselves. Like trusting God is some magical potion, bringing God's promises to fruition as soon as we start to trust.

But this one thing I do know: God watches over his word to fulfill it. He doesn't forget or get distracted but is holding it, working it out according to his plan, teaching us to put it all on the line, to fully trust him and his ways. The time of waiting and trusting isn't for God's benefit, but ours. It's in those times our roots grow deeper, our faith is strengthened, and we realize just how faithful God is.

Impeccable Timing

This evening I got the chance to have dessert with one of my cousins and catch up with her. It was a nice time. We talked about what is going on in each of our lives. I'm so glad we made the time to get together.

One theme seemed to permeate every discussion, every update.

We serve a God of impeccable timing.

I can look back through my life, through all the struggles and be assured that when things seemed to be an utter disaster and not going at all as I thought they should, God always knew exactly what he was doing and his timing (which was so different from mine) was always perfect.

I remember when my children's church leader was asked to step down. I was crushed, but God knew what he was doing. God's plan would draw me closer to him and teach me to serve him and not man. To keep my perspective in check and my focus his direction. And his timing was perfect.

I remember being forced to put myself in leadership in kids church. Forced to learn to play the piano/keyboard and lead worship for the kids. I hated it, wanted nothing to do with it, but it is where and when God was able to grow those giftings in me and teach me to lead others in worship.  And his timing was perfect.

I remember starting to play piano in the main service at the age of 14. I remember the difficulty I had. I hated playing hymns and cried often when I messed up. But once again, that is where God pushed me. And his timing was perfect.

I remember thinking I knew what kind of leader and husband I needed and pursuing those types of people. I remember God bringing me Bj and the doubts I had about how it would ever work. He wasn't the type I thought I needed. I was wrong. And God's timing was perfect. God brought me Bj and saved me from pursuing my plans over his. Saved me from heartbreak and broken relationships. God knew what he was doing.

I remember struggling for children, begging and pleading with God to give me what I wanted. Feeling like he was punishing me or ignoring me. I remember opening my heart to the idea of adoption (that I had closed from years prior). I remember submitting our profile for three awesome kids, getting rejected once and picked the second time. I remember the fearful steps we took, one at a time, unsure in our minds but convinced in our spirits they were to be our kids. And God's timing was perfect.

I remember putting aside my perfect parenting ideas and learning how to choose to love kids that were not like me. Who didn't have my tendencies or personality, who experienced life differently, whose upbringing was world apart from mine. It was terrifying for my heart and mind. But I remember KNOWING they were ours and clearly seeing God's timing was perfect.

I remember seeing the first positive pregnancy test. The kids had been with us for 5 months. We were still finding our groove and this was the time God chose to grow our family again. I remember very often (and still to this day) people's opinions that we just needed to relax and we'd get pregnant. The comment that we should have adopted sooner or as soon as you adopt you'll get pregnant put adoption as the source of our magic provision, but I know differently. I know our ability to conceive at just this time had nothing to do with luck or "not thinking about it" but God's timing was perfect.

I remember when I first put the pieces together about the Snyder's retirement from our church as pastor's. I cried when Bj confirmed my suspicions. One more major life change I was not ready to handle. On the other side of the transition, as difficult as it was, I am again convinced that God's timing was perfect.

There are other things I'm praying about and believing God for, and the truth shows me that in those situations, God will answer when it is his perfect time. Because he is faithful like that. I may not enjoy the unknown in the meantime, but I can rest in the fact that God has impeccable timing.

Connection

Today I made chocolate chip cookies and invitations to church and went on a mission to meet a few of my neighbors. This was definitely a step out of my comfort zone, and it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

Man, we sure let the devil talk us out of things and convince us of how stupid we will look and how embarrassed​ we will be. And his intimidation techniques are all based on lies. But we choose to believe him and fall into disobedience because we are scared.

I was pushed out of the comfort of my nest today by a few things. First, I said in my previous blog I was going to do this and because keeping my word is really important​ to me, I really didn't have a choice. Second, convictions are useless if they don't lead us to action.

Our churches are full of people who are dissatisfied with what they see and yet, none of them are willing to do something about it. I couldn't be that person. Not this time. And the more you are willing to take a step of faith, the easier it is to do so in the future.

I've struggled over the years with the thought of door to door evangelism. I know that sometimes God uses this to reach people, but it feels like being a door to door salesman. And honestly, I don't even answer the door when they come around.

I don't think inviting people to church or witnessing should feel like we are trying to meet a sales quota or are imitating pushy car salesmen. Because we are "selling" love and forgiveness, something everyone wants and needs to real people, who are more than a number or trophy to be added to our wall. We have to see the need and love the people. Make connection, build trust, and let them see and know the love we have experienced is available to them.

So for me, it all starts with building connection. Not fake connection but genuine connection because we love them enough to care and be their friend. So that's what I tried to do today, to meet new people and let them know I'm available, that I care, and want to be there if they need me for anything, big or small. So there is an avenue to be Jesus to them.

And I made a few connections today, have a few friends to keep in my prayers, and planted some seeds to be watched and watered in the coming days. I'm excited to see how these connections grow and God is able to use me to show his love.

Growth

If you've been reading my blog at all recently, you'll know that my church is in a new chapter, a time of change, a time of growth. We often at church hear people talking about wanting to grow the church and bringing people in. And while that is all good in theory, I think each of us has a different opinion of what growth looks like. And if it comes in a way that is less than desirable to us, we quickly realize that is not what we want.

Let me say from the start, that from my opinion the growth of one church at the expense of the other is not growth. I don't want a church filled with people who left their previous church for the next new thing. This is like transferring money between your bank accounts and saying you received a bonus. Now, I really believe that God can and does move people to different churches for a season of life, so I'm not invalidating that at all. But that is not how I think God wants to see his church grow.

If we are honest, we want our church to grow by God adding model Christians to our congregation. People who are just like us, who fit in with us. And we want it to happen totally by the power of God and without us having to really do anything to facilitate or manage that growth. We want growth to be easy and pleasant and not mess up our normal or require much of us at all.

Last night after church there was a guy walking in front of the church parking lot. I've never seen him before and he was kind of taking his time like he wanted to talk to someone. Haley said "we should go invite him to church." I told her to not go alone, but to grab a few of the youth to go with her. She asked them and no one would go with her. Now, I'm not stupid enough to believe that every person is nice or safe (which is why I told her not to go by herself) but I was shocked when she told me these church people, who I don't consider to be shy at all, would not go with her to invite the guy to church.

The excuses I heard from Daniel were, "We don't know him. What if he's weird? What if he wants to stalk me."  I told him we weren't introducing ourselves and handing out our address and phone number, we were inviting him to church. The church he was walking in front of obviously wanting someone to at least say hi. And as far as I know, we all ignored him because he isn't our ideal candidate for a church attendee. (Me included. I was wrangling kids, but I should have went with her when no one else would.)

So this is what we've come to. We want nice easy clean church growth, but we don't really want to actually have to be nice to people or to talk to someone we don't know.

I know this sounds like I'm picking on people and maybe I am a little, but it hits home too. I always have excuses why I can't witness or invite people to church. My biggest is that we live 20 minutes from the church so it isn't exactly in the neighborhood or convenient. I've decided I've got to stop making up what their excuse will be and just start talking. If they want an excuse, it can be on them,. but it will not longer be me not providing an invitation.

I've lived in my neighborhood 5 years. I don't know a single name of one of my neighbors. I know their kids as they come through the house from time to time, but not a single adult. Not one. So this weekend we are making cookies and taking them around to my 5 closest neighbors, introducing myself (and whichever kid decides to join me) and inviting them to church. And if they decide to come, great! If they don't, okay, but we have to start somewhere. All of us need to start somewhere.

When did we become so inwardly focused we are so afraid of an awkward conversation that we choose to let people around us go to hell? That is so selfish of us!

Which leads me back to why do we want growth anyways? So the new pastor can look good? So we can feel like we are successful at something and not forever stuck? No, because God wants to grow his kingdom and he chooses to use us. Yes, we can and should pray that God will bring people in, but we have to put some action with our faith and get to walking and talking.

This brings me back to an analogy of the eagle I heard a couple of weeks back. The first thing the eagle does when it's preparing it's eaglet to learn to fly on it's own is start stirring the nest. The purpose is to get the eaglet uncomfortable so it will get out of the place of comfort and safety, taking the risk required to learn to fly. The problem is most of the time when we get uncomfortable because God is trying to get us to take the next step, we leave one comfortable nest for another comfortable nest. That isn't forward progress! It's denial.

If we are unwilling to put some action with our faith, our inaction shows our inner selves. Maybe we just say we want growth because it seems like the right thing to say, Maybe if things get changed enough, we will have the appearance of growth without any substance. Maybe that's really want we want. 

God help us to see people as you see them! To see this season as an opportunity to follow your heart in a way we never have before. To put ourselves out there, knowing you will honor our willingness and grow your Kingdom for your name sake.