Selfish Regret

I've been serving God for 29 years. And do you want to know how many people I've led to Christ? How many I've prayed the "sinners prayer" with? 4, all within the last 6 years, and they all live in my house. That's one person about every 8 years. That's pathetic!

I could come up with all sorts of excuses and you may even agree that they are legitimate. I could also provide a list of people who I feel like I've impacted for the kingdom even if I wasn't the one to lead them to Christ and that would also be a reasonable justification for my failure in this respect.

But the bottom line is this. I regret many things about how I've lived for God and this is a huge one.

In the past year I've realized just how selfish I've been. How apathetic I've become to the condition of the souls I come in contact with every day. How I've been quick to boast of my busyness and lack of time for other people, and stating that God would understand and he sees my heart. But was I really doing all I could so fewer people would go to hell? Not even close.

But I've changed that, or rather God is changing that in me. With God's help and his leading I've started investing in some souls. Sunday Pastor Sid posed the question, "What's a soul worth to you?" An inconvenience? An awkward conversation? A meal? A tank of gas? A moment of your time?

Maybe some of you would see this as an easy way out, but God has been leading me to text or send Facebook messages to certain people asking if I can pray with them about something specific and sometimes inviting them to church. (As a side note winning a soul for Jesus is not the same as inviting someone to church. It would be a step in the right direction, but people need Jesus whether they ever step foot in your church or not.) These are generally people from my growing up years. And people are just pouring out their hearts to me. It's amazing! And I'm trying to share the hope of Jesus with them. I would definitely say I'm a better writer than talker (which is why I enjoy blogging) and God is using that for His Kingdom purposes.

So I'm learning to invest in people. Not because I'm so awesome and everyone needs to know what I know, but because we all need someone or several someones who will invest in us. And I'm so thankful for those who are investing in me, during this time in my life. It all comes full circle.

As I read through the Gospels, I see time after time when Jesus invested in people. He saw a need and was willing to go there. To get in the mud and trod through when necessary. So I'm learning to be selfless and I haven't regretted it for one second.

It's amazing to me that even though I spend some of my time investing in others, there is still time for my kids and husband. There is still time for the mundane daily tasks. Because just like with the feeding of the five thousand, God has a way of multiplying my time as it is used for his purposes. Praise God!!

So I'm moving forward, learning to listen to God better, growing in obedience, and living selflessly with no regrets.

Mighty To Save

There is one thing we all have in common. We are all sinners in need of a Savior. In my conversations lately I keep coming back to that. We all compare ourselves to each other and determine who needs a savior the most based on how we see ourselves and each other's sins and struggles. We rank sin based on whatever criteria we are comfortable with  and we classify people.

But God doesn't do that. We have all missed the mark, from the goodie goodie all the way to the "worst" murderer or rapist.

And we all need a Savior. A mighty Savior.

Because even if over time we get comfortable with the idea that Jesus saves, we should never discount the miracle of the saving power of Jesus. Not just anyone can save us from our sins, bridge the gap between the holiness of God and the sinfulness of man. Our sins required a perfect sacrifice. A spotless lamb.

And God planned for that mighty Savior from before the foundation of the world. No one else has the might, the ability to satisfy the payment required for our sin.

But Jesus was made mighty enough to save us. To bring us back to relationship with him. Praise God!!

Savior, he can move the mountains.
My God is mighty to save.
He is mighty to save.
Forever author of salvation.
He rose and conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.

Hopeless

I've had conversations with three separate people in the last couple of weeks and there is only word that would describe their current state: hopeless.

Their situations are each so dark with little opportunity for improvement or  change. Full of despair and gloom.

But God.

I listened carefully and tried to offer the only hope I know without sounding like a greeting card. I didn't want to sound cliche or spout out some well known scripture verse without validating their pain. Because even though I know there is no hope apart from Jesus, He is not a quick fix to any problem. A microwave solution.

But Jesus really is the only answer I know. Not because he changes the difficulty or makes it vanish at the snap of his fingers, but because he goes with us through the fire, in the valley. We are never alone.

So I shared from my heart, honestly, and I've been bringing them before God daily. I pray my concern was seen on the other end of the conversation. Because the last thing hurting people need is our fake compassion. They need to see Jesus' love through us.

And as unpleasant as it sounds, sometimes we have to go through really tough stuff before we can see our need for a savior. God can and does use these periods of hopelessness to draw us into his loving arms.

So God, see them in their hopelessness and offer them your love and the hope that only comes from you! And use whoever, whatever you can to meet them where they are!

Relationships

Had lunch with a friend today. A much needed, over due lunch. Reminded  me how important relationships are.

I don't have many close friends, less than 5. There are a few reasons for that. I'm pretty picky when it comes to friends. I've been misunderstood a few times and it keeps me careful with who I let get close. But when I do decide I can trust you (which tends to be more of a God given instinct than a test of time) I'm quickly very loyal and dive in completely.

I truly believe my few close friends are God given. They strengthen and encourage me and push me. We can disagree and discuss things and it only increases our respect and deepens our friendships. I love that! Our backgrounds are different which enables us to share different perspectives and stretch each other to be more like Jesus.

I'm so thankful for people who will invest themselves in me and allow me to do the same for them. I wouldn't want to do life without them. I'm so blessed!

Timing is Everything

Change is difficult. Moving forward is hard, especially when the way we've always done it is good. Obviously, that is an opinion often held by people who are comfortable with things as they were/are. An opinion that so very hard to overcome because comfortable is easy and change is often painful.

I'm learning that the timing of change is just as important as the change itself. Changing too fast or too early will alienate people. Changing too slow or late may mean we miss opportunities God has set for us.  It's such a delicate balance.

And it is so hard to be patient, looking for any sign or guidance from God as to when to move. Change is a process and we have to learn to be patient through that process, with ears and eyes wide open to hear or see where and when God is leading.

Lord, help us go when you say go and wait when you say not yet. Help us follow you in your perfect timing!

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

Stirring Hearts

I know I've said this more than once, especially lately, so if you feel like you've already heard this and I'm being redundant, feel free to skip on by. I'm seeing God's hand on hearts so clearly right now.  There are several people who God has opened up my eyes to kind of see what they are going through and I've begun to pray for them. When people talk, I listen and I'm hearing so much more than what they are saying (if that even makes sense). God's been leading my prayers very specifically for these people and it's pretty awesome!

The main thing I'm seeing is that people are looking and I'm not really sure they even know what they are looking for, but I feel like God is bringing them to a place where they can see their own condition. And my prayer more times than not has been, "God keep on stirring." As long as people are in a place of dissatisfaction, that's a good thing. It's when people think everything's fine that they are in a dangerous place. When they rely on their selves and are fooled into thinking they can handle it all, they don't see any need for God.

On a kind of unrelated note, I love that I have friends who God uses to stir me. Who share what God's been showing them and it just blows me away. I like to be challenged. I like to be forced to study or look something up, cause it's in those moments that I grow. I love that discussion and Im so grateful for those friendships!

God, keep stirring, keep drawing, keep pulling us and we will answer.

Nay Sayers

Had a bit of a discouraging day yesterday. Nothing I can't survive, but just reminded me that not everyone will be on board when you decide to follow God and let him move you forward. I was on cloud 9 and really excited spiritually and just heard some things and it let me down.

As someone who doesn't naturally love change, I kinda get it. Change is uncomfortable and if it ain't broke, why do we need to fix it? The problem comes when we dictate what God wants by what is comfortable for us. I know that sometimes we can determine what God's will is by whether we have peace in our hearts, but we can't mistake easiness or comfortableness in our circumstance for peace. Even if God is moving us in a certain direction, there can very well be an uneasiness. It could be a distraction from the enemy or a check that reminds us to remain focused and move forward with caution.

I've said this before and will say it again. You can't keep doing things the same with the same methods and the same programs and the same tactics and expect a different result. That's insanity!

Anyways, so as I was trying to not be frustrated and angry, I was reminded of a song.

Who can stop the Lord Almighty? Who can stop the Lord Almighty?

No one. Not even well intentioned naysayers.

God help us to follow you, knowing there will be opposition, even from those close to us.

Selfless Sowing

A couple of weeks ago I got the opportunity to preach in our afternoon church service. My message was called Becoming Less (it's available on the Radiant Life Church website if anyone is interested).

One of the benefits of learning to let God become more and making yourself become​ less is a harvest. A harvest that is only available if the seed dies in the process. God requires selfless sowing for an abundant harvest.

One of the points I made and want to share here is that often times, we sow seed selfishly. Put another way, we are willing to obey God's direction as long as it benefits the harvest that is closest to our hearts. The example I gave was our kids. We seek God's face for them. We are willing to be inconvenienced for them. We obey as it relates to God ministering to them. But when God wants us to sow ourselves into people we don't know, souls that we've never asked God for, we are less than eager to obey. Because those seeds aren't as important to us as our kids.

It is natural for us to do everything we can for our kids, to show them how to serve God, to try and model what that looks like. To spend ourselves for them. To intercede with sobbing emotion and sincerity. Because nothing would make us happier that seeing God work in their hearts. The problem comes when God opens opportunity not related to our desires (other than by God's urging) and we are hesitant or refuse to make the most of them because we are too busy watching over the seed so close to us.

God has promised to watch over his word, to take care of us and our families if we will take care of his business. So we have to become less and sow selflessly with as much vigor as we sow into our kids.

This week I failed my kids. I overreacted and all I could think about was how I messed it all up and how useless I felt. If I can't even do my normal every day task, be light to my kids, how could I ever do anything else? And almost immediately one of the "opportunities" I've been praying about opened up again.

God has been using me to build relationship and share his love with more than one individual who used to know God and have strayed away from him. Who have lost hope or gotten busy and forgotten how much they need him. I've always felt like the most effective witness is within one on one relationships and not by merely handing out invitations or door to door solicitation. There is a place for that, but it's when people know you and prove you are real, then they can trust you and you can share hope with them. Anyways, I've been praying for opportunities and offering a listening ear as God has directed and people have actually taken me up on my offer.

So I was upset with my humanness and one of them sent me a message/text. And God said "take care of my stuff and I'll take care of your stuff."
Yes, sir. I get it.

I feel very strongly that God is stirring the hearts of people who've walked away from him. Reminding them of his love for them. Step number one is realizing you aren't where you should be. And I keep praying "God, keep stirring!! Keep drawing and let us be available to help guide them when you draw them back."