Wrapping Up

Can y'all believe we are almost to the end of 2017? I'm not sure how each year flies by faster than the previous, but it sure feels like it.

And every year I try to take some time and reevaluate me. To look back at my goals for the year and see if they were accomplished and to look forward to where I want to be in the next year. And if my last two Sunday School lessons are any indication of what I feel I need to work on,  for 2018, I'm looking for an attitude change. (On a side note, I'm always amazed that no matter how long you have been serving Jesus, he has a way of continuing to raise the standard in your life. To challenge you to be closer to him, to love more like him and respond more like he would. My human self would think that as some point the struggles would lessen, but I've learned there is always something new God will require to stretch you. And that the closer we get to Jesus, the more we realize our fallen state.)

My goal (okay, what God has pushed me towards) is an attitude of gratefulness instead of complaining and love/grace instead of criticizing. I'm so critical and can be such a complainer. Maybe not in public where everyone sees or knows, but definitely in my own home. I don't know what I think I'm accomplishing by either of these things. I've told my class these past two weeks that to change our attitudes, we have to have a heart change because thats the source of our attitudes. Complaining words or criticism doesn't just leave our lips without first resonating deep within who we are. And the only way I know to change my heart and my over-analysis of others is to pray for those I complain about or am critical towards. I jokingly told my class that my prayer list is long and the Holy Spirit nudged me saying , "if you really did what you want your students to do, that list would be longer than it really is."

So here I go. Praying for those I'm critical of. Praying grateful prayers instead of complaining whining ones.

Honestly I've gotten away from praying for people in an effort to keep my prayers more worshipful and less selfish but maybe it just kept me from seeing my disobedience or dealing with my junk. Maybe I was in denial or avoiding it all together.

Another thing that hit me today was that when people don't see importance in what I'm trying to offer, I get angry and annoyed. I take some high horse, throwing a tantrum because it's not going my way. So I definitely have some pride issues to deal with too.

Oh boy. I hate dealing with my stuff. I much prefer praying for someone else's struggles than doing my part to deal with my own. But I'm gonna put on my big girl panties and do what I should instead of waiting for everyone else to fix themselves and make my life closer to what God desires.

What A Difference...

A year makes.

About a year ago, my Pastor of 30 years announced he was retiring and the world as I knew it went into a tail spin. And as much as I was not happy about change (just as a part of who I am), there was a part of me that was kinda excited for something new.

And it has definitely been a year of change. And it's been mostly good, once we got over the initial hump of getting things rolling. Our previous pastor did so much more than anyone really knew. We didn't realize a lot of it until after he was gone.

So it's been a year of reorganizing and recreating, sometimes with a starting place and sometimes starting from scratch. What should have been one of the most stressful years in my life, between work, kids and taking on more volunteer responsibilities, God has ordained and orchestrated so perfectly.  I've been so challenged personally and spiritually in such an awesome way! It has been a year of growth in the most unexpected way and it has been so good for me personally. And I found some awesome friends and leaders  in the process (Love you Pastor Sid and Heather!)

I am not the same person I was a year ago. Praise God! And as scared as I was going into this change, I'm so excited to be here now! God knows exactly what he is doing and his timing is always perfect, even if it scares us! We just have to be patient and trust him in the process!

The Power of the Gospel

I took the kids to see The Star at the theater today. They all really enjoyed it. I'm always a little hesitant to see movies that take a Bible story and remake it for the sake of entertainment. I'm a little leary of what changes have to be made and how it will alter how people view God and his plan, but this one was pretty good. The main thing I saw that wasn't Biblical (apart from the fact that there is an additional storyline about the animals looking for their purpose) was the wise men showing up at the manger, which is definitely not uncommon.

When the end of the movie was near and the sweet baby Jesus was born in that stable and laid in the manger, all the animals bowed down to give him the honor due to the Messiah. Even through the animation and goofy characters and talking animals, the power of the gospel message was clearly felt.

I was reminded how the Bible has power no other book has. How it's stories are not good motivational pieces, but life changing truth that carries through all time and all generations. Truth that even animation and an attempt to hold even the youngest child's attention cannot overshadow.

What a great way to go into the Christmas season! With a powerful reminder of the importance of the gift God gave. The gift of his son. The only gift perfect enough to provide a way for us to have relationship with God!

Praise God for his selfless gift!

Holiday Humbug

Consider yourself blessed if your Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations don't include a little bit of drama. The kind brought by misunderstandings and hurt feelings within the family you are at least somewhat obligated to see during these 6 weeks.

So here's my 2 cents...starting with 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 NLV

When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ's authority for your benefit so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

Holding grudges is stupid. Unforgiveness, even when deserved and justified, only hurts the holder of offenses. It doesn't get even or make things fair, it only hurts you more and more. It hinders your ability to enjoy life. It keeps you from many good things God has for you.

We forgive others for ourselves and not because they have earned it or even asked for forgiveness. We forgive so our eyes can be opened to not only what God has but the devil's schemes. We forgive so we can move forward and live in the glorious freedom only God gives. And even though it can be hard, forgiveness is worth the letting go.

We are able to forgive by God's power in us. Yes, it takes time to remind yourself you have forgiven them.  I've had to consciously pray for certain people multiple times a day to keep myself from picking back up the hurt and the offense I had chosen to forgive.

But freedom is worth it.

So, I encourage you to reach out in reconciliation and show grace and mercy even to those who don't ask for it or deserve it. As you have been forgiven by Jesus, offer forgiveness. Show love even if it isn't returned.

And if there is no reciprocation, you can walk away knowing you have done your part and the ball is in their court.

Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

5 Years

Seth is five years old today. There is just something about the number 5 that seems so old. Like my baby isn't a baby any more. He's getting so big so fast! I'm so proud of all he is learning at preschool both academically and socially.

But this morning on the way to work I found myself wiping years from my eyes. Not because I was overly emotional my baby is growing up, but because I was reminded of a time in my life when this looked like it would never be for me. When I feared we would never have children, that we would always be just the two of us. I clearly remember praying and hoping that I would be next, that my turn would come. I remember being passed up time and again. Sitting through baby showers, trying  to be happy for others when I  felt like I was dying inside. I remember feeling punished and overlooked by God.

And I remember the still small voice deep within that kept urging "just trust me." Even though my emotions were a wreck some of the time and it was probably one if the hardest times in my life, I chose to trust in a God that had never failed me before over the monthly disappointment and tendency to live in despair.

And once again God was true to his word. So I can't get through another birthday without taking time to give thanks to God for his perfect plan. For his supernatural provision and perfect timing.

And when I'm faced with what appears impossible, I am reminded that while I am waiting, God is working. And nothing is too hard for Him.

Miserable

Life is tough sometimes. There are family struggles, financial struggles, health struggles, and the list could go on. I can't even imagine living life without the hope and comfort that only God can give.

But there are plenty of people who try to get through it all alone. Who choose to depend on people, circumstances, jobs, relationships and are eventually let down by all of those. When they think it can't get worse, it does and they just keep going through the motions one moment at a time.

And then they blame God. The one they've refused to turn to. The one they don't need who they are convinced caused all of their unfortunate circumstances.

The truth of the matter is that we live in a world controlled by the evil one and bad stuff happens. God doesn't cause our misfortune but sometimes he allows it. Not to punish us for our poor choices, but to open our eyes to the fact we need him with every passing day. And many times we need an eye opener.

Because our hope, our trust, is misplaced.

I will never understand God's ways, but I know that more than anything else he wants a personal relationship with you. With me. Not a Jeanie-in-the-Bottle kind of relationship where we run to him to "grant our wish" when we want him to but a relationship that involves daily communication, the building of trust and dependence, the exchange of unconditional love. A relationship founded on a sacrificial act, the giving of Jesus for you, done without strings attached but in hopes that you would accept his love and reciprocate.

So if you are miserable, maybe just maybe you should run to God and not from him. Maybe you should place your fears, your stresses in his hands and learn to be loved and held like only he can while the storm passes over.

Selfish Regret

I've been serving God for 29 years. And do you want to know how many people I've led to Christ? How many I've prayed the "sinners prayer" with? 4, all within the last 6 years, and they all live in my house. That's one person about every 8 years. That's pathetic!

I could come up with all sorts of excuses and you may even agree that they are legitimate. I could also provide a list of people who I feel like I've impacted for the kingdom even if I wasn't the one to lead them to Christ and that would also be a reasonable justification for my failure in this respect.

But the bottom line is this. I regret many things about how I've lived for God and this is a huge one.

In the past year I've realized just how selfish I've been. How apathetic I've become to the condition of the souls I come in contact with every day. How I've been quick to boast of my busyness and lack of time for other people, and stating that God would understand and he sees my heart. But was I really doing all I could so fewer people would go to hell? Not even close.

But I've changed that, or rather God is changing that in me. With God's help and his leading I've started investing in some souls. Sunday Pastor Sid posed the question, "What's a soul worth to you?" An inconvenience? An awkward conversation? A meal? A tank of gas? A moment of your time?

Maybe some of you would see this as an easy way out, but God has been leading me to text or send Facebook messages to certain people asking if I can pray with them about something specific and sometimes inviting them to church. (As a side note winning a soul for Jesus is not the same as inviting someone to church. It would be a step in the right direction, but people need Jesus whether they ever step foot in your church or not.) These are generally people from my growing up years. And people are just pouring out their hearts to me. It's amazing! And I'm trying to share the hope of Jesus with them. I would definitely say I'm a better writer than talker (which is why I enjoy blogging) and God is using that for His Kingdom purposes.

So I'm learning to invest in people. Not because I'm so awesome and everyone needs to know what I know, but because we all need someone or several someones who will invest in us. And I'm so thankful for those who are investing in me, during this time in my life. It all comes full circle.

As I read through the Gospels, I see time after time when Jesus invested in people. He saw a need and was willing to go there. To get in the mud and trod through when necessary. So I'm learning to be selfless and I haven't regretted it for one second.

It's amazing to me that even though I spend some of my time investing in others, there is still time for my kids and husband. There is still time for the mundane daily tasks. Because just like with the feeding of the five thousand, God has a way of multiplying my time as it is used for his purposes. Praise God!!

So I'm moving forward, learning to listen to God better, growing in obedience, and living selflessly with no regrets.