Haley's Birthday Shindig...2 month late

 For Haley's birthday, her friend, Angeles spent the night. I think their favorite part is that all the little siblings, except Seth, go spend the night elsewhere so its just them.  I let Haley decide what she wanted to do for entertainment.

 They chose to have a Free Willy marathon. They watched 3 out of the 4 movies. I would have been bored and actually didn't watch a single movie all the way through, but Haley was determined to be able to say they watched them all.

 The girls helped decorate the house and the cake and Haley was so proud of her creation. She chose a puppy dog theme, green icing, and sprinkles.

We had a small family party where she got cowboy boots as her gift from us. She was so shocked! After Katelynn got her cowboy boots for her birthday, Haley was so upset and complained about how not fair it was, so she was quite surprised that I had bought her boots as well.

Haley  - I tell you all the time how glad I am that God picked you to be our oldest child. Your place in our family is very important and custom made by God just for you. I know that you are learning to hear God and to make choices that please him, and I couldn't be prouder. You are such a great big sister and daughter.You are a beautiful young lady and we love you so much!

~Mom and Dad

Happy 4 Months Seth!

 Happy 4 months, sweet boy! Each new month with you brings more new experiences for you and for us as parents. And we love every moment!  You are still wearing size 0-3 months clothes, but on Sunday you wore a size 3-6 month onesie and it almost fit, so you are definitely a growing boy.  At your doctors appointment you weighed 12 lbs 12 oz and were 24 inches long. Your face and thighs are getting more chunky all the time, even if the doctor still thinks you aren't growing enough.

 You have started grabbing and holding things a lot more, so we got out your activity mat that Aunt Jill loaned you.  You can stay happy under there for a while. You are consistently rolling from tummy to back (when you are in a good mood. When you are mad, all bets are off.)  You are becoming quite the efficient eater. Mommy is so glad that it takes less and less time to feed you and I don't feel like nursing you is dominating my life any more.  Thank you for that! You still get up once a night to eat and I am okay with that. My body is quite used to waking up once a night to eat, so I am not pushing you to drop that feeding. Well, that and the fact they are still wanting you to gain weight. 

You are all smiles when we talk to you and we carry on conversations all the time. I can't seem to capture your smile on camera very often as you are so interested in what the back of the camera looks like and I haven't tried to use teamwork to take your picture.  You love to squeal or yell at us when you are excited. Sometimes I think you are upset, but really you are just being loud. I guess you are trying to make sure you are heard around here. You are not the quiet soft spoken baby you once were.

 On your 4th month birthday we got the go ahead to try and feed you rice cereal and I have tried to feed it to you every evening since.  You eat it for a little while, but really aren't that interested in it. I keep feeding it to you until it makes you upset and then I don't push the issue. You eat the cereal a lot better when the entire family is sitting at the table to eat dinner than when you are the only one eating. You have become quite partial to mommy, especially in the evenings. Daddy is learning to get you to calm down while I am not around, but as soon as I come in the room you cry until I hold you. I am okay to hold you in the evening, but am glad that you are still sleeping in your crib, at least once you got over your 4 month shots, which made you pretty fussy for a few days.  You are just the cutest baby in the world. And so loved. And so wanted. 

We are so glad God chose you to be a part of our family. You are such a sweet boy!

Strong

Joshua 1:9

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

So what does it mean to be strong?  

When I hear these words I immediately think, "Okay, Sandra. Just suck it up, and keep on going one step at a time. Don't show weakness. Don't show fear. Just keep going. Then you will be strong. You can handle this. BE STRONG!!  God is watching. Pull it together. Stand strong for him."

And God gently taps me on the shoulder and I fall apart in his arms, because I am tired of being strong by my definition of the word. 

And God has to reteach me what it is to be strong again.

Being strong is not being without fault and without fear. Being strong is learning to deliberately depend on God. Not suck it up. Not hold your head up high. Being strong is deciding to let God be the boss and let him provide the strength that you need.

Every time I try to be strong in my own power, I will get overwhelmed, and I will stress out and ultimately, I will fail. 

So I'm learning to make myself intentionally surrender and be okay with the idea that I can't do it all. Because only when I realize I can't, do I give room for God to be God in my life and allow him to be the only source of my strength. 

Jesus loves me this I know

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to him belong. 

They are weak but He is STRONG!

Relationship

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

Spending time with God is a treasure. A vital part of my every day life. Because the relationship I have with Him is mutual. It's not me talking to a wall or spouting out prayers from rote memory but having a friendship with someone who cares for me and wants to talk to me as much as I want and need to talk to Him.

God has been speaking to me using older songs lately. I love when God takes something I've read or sang many times and just opens my eyes to see something I haven't seen before. This time God showed me that when I spend time with God, it's not just me who benefits, but God also gets joy.  When we spend time together we both, God and I, share in the joy. There is nothing I want more than to bring God joy and when I spend time with Him, that is exactly what I am doing. Sharing in joy with God that no one else will ever experience or know the way we do. 

When we spend our days together, God walks with me. Not ahead of me calling me to hurry up. Not on the sidelines shouting orders, but with me. Each step of the way. God talks with me. Not at me shouting out commands or belittling me for my mistakes. But loving me and sharing conversation with me. And the thing he continues to reassure me is that I am his.  Why do I need to know that I belong to him? Because sometimes I feel lost. I feel out of place or misunderstood. I'm sure we all do. But God reminds me that I am his and he loves me because he made me. I am his creation, his prized possession.

God desires relationship with me, with you, so much that he draws us to himself. He tugs at our hearts and calls us to come to him because he wants our friendship, our love, as much as we need his. Because that's why he created us.  So he wouldn't have to be alone. I am not in any way assuming that God needs anything, because afterall, he is God and has the ability to not need or want anything, but he chooses to be pleased with having a relationship with us.

So we don't have to live lonely lives, but we can walk day by day with God, sharing our heart with him and knowing that his love is so much more fulfilling than any other relationship will ever  be.

The Nineties

Honestly, I don't have a clue where my kids come up with these things.  In the past few weeks my kids have started asking questions about the nineties.

Were there schools in the nineties?
Were there cars in the nineties? 
Were you alive in the nineties? (And because I was, I must be really old. And since I was born in the eighties, before the nineties, I must be ancient. Ha!)

According to them, if something happened a long time ago in history, it must have been in the nineties. I laugh and realize what our parents thought about all of our questions about the seventies when we were growing up. 

I'm not quite sure what the interest in the nineties is, but something got their curiosity peaked.

While we are on the topic of random discussions, Katelynn is just the queen of random, and just talking in general  Friday night I was taking her to a church event (it was just her and sleeping Seth in the car with me) and the girl wouldn't close her mouth for more than 2 seconds.  If you've ever met my sweet girl, who is the definition of social, you'll know she thinks out loud. All. The. Time. So we know exactly why she does everything, what thought process she went through to make every decision, and basically everything she has ever thought in her lifetime.

My life is definitely different then when I didn't have kids.  There is never a dull moment and I laugh a whole lot more often.  Kids are good for me. They help me relax and not take myself so seriously.

Great is thy Faithfulness!

All day yesterday and this song and phrase has been going over and over in my spirit.

Great is thy faithfulness!

I have been through times in my life where I was desperately waiting to see God fulfill his promises to me and I continued to believe that God would be faithful. During those days, I repeated again and again that God was faithful, but that was a statement based on God's character and definitely not based on what I was seeing or feeling at the moment.

Great is thy faithfulness!

And I can look back and see where I am now and can say with certainty that God is indeed faithful. Not even a year and a half ago I was in such a dark place. A struggle. And I could not see how or when God would keep his word. And yet here we are, with 4 beautiful kids that God has given us as proof that God is indeed faithful. And he sees us and knows the desires of our hearts and is working everything out behind the scenes when we don't even think he's paying us any attention.

Great is thy faithfulness!

And he has provided for us in financial ways beyond what we could ever imagine.  I don't usually discuss our finances here because it's kind of a personal matter and I don't want people to think I am being prideful or bragging about myself. Please know I am bragging on my God. This past year we bought and sold a house, got a bigger car, had Seth and paid related medical and other expenses, went without a normal paycheck for 6 weeks while I was home with Seth (on top of the normal Christmas expenses), but we never even felt the anticipated financial strain. We had extra money come in from unexpected sources. We have survived 3 months with 4 kids and really haven't changed our standard of living or had to cut back. And we have an adoption credit coming when we file our taxes. Because God always takes care of his own.

Great is thy faithfulness!  Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed thy hand hath provided.
Great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.

Teaching Faith

Tonight Haley asked me to pray over her before she went to bed.  This isn't a rare occurrence at my house.  And I can't say no to that, from any of my kids.  I think as parents, our kids learn to love God or ignore him from us. To have faith that God can move mountains or to doubt from us. So I take every opportunity, especially an invitation to pray, and run with it. I pray very purposefully so that they hear my heart and it re-establishes the things we have taught them about God and his love and how valuable they are to him and to us.  Because every kid needs reassurance, especially mine.

And then she asked me to pray for her biological parents. Haley is very concerned about her parents' salvation.  Because she loves them and always will.  They are, after all, her parents. So I pray for them. That God will send someone to tell them about His love for them. So they can have the opportunity to choose to serve God.  So they can go to heaven.

After I walked away, I began to wonder why she asks me to pray. Part of it is the affirmation she gets from her request. But the other part is that she sees faith.  Faith that doesn't give up, even when it doesn't seem like God is moving. Faith that is based on God's word and promises and not on the circumstances.

I am in no way some super Christian who sees God move every time I ask him for something. But I have been serving God long enough to know that he does hear me. And my faith does not waver when I don't get my way or when I feel like my prayers are hitting the ceiling. And God is always faithful. And that is what she sees in me.

Honestly, I have moments where I feel like my efforts to teach my kids to live and love like Jesus does is pointless. And then God reminds me that the effort is worth it.  That the seeds are being planted and he is watering it and letting it grow up in them.  Praise God!