New Beginnings

Exodus 12:1-2 The Lord said to Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt: "This month is to be the beginning of months for you; it is the first month of your year."

 I know this is kind of an odd verse to speak to you about but I had a God moment this evening while I was spending time with God and His word and I want to document it, if only for my reference later. 

Ok, so the Israelites are in Egypt in slavery. God has sent Moses and Aaron to bring the people to deliverance from their bondage. At this point, they have been through all of the plagues God sent, except the final one where the first born male is killed. They are not free yet. They are still in bondage and God is telling them that today is the new beginning for them.

It struck me as kind of odd.  You know, a lot of times we are waiting for God to bring us deliverance from our junk to have a new beginning and a fresh start. But God's new beginning for Israelites started before they had even been delivered. While they were in the trenches so to speak.  I kind of wonder if Aaron and Moses really thought there would ever be deliverance for the Israelites. At this point they had gone back and forth between Pharoah and God numerous times and Pharoah had changed his mind again and again about letting the people go. I'm sure they were discouraged and ready to just be done with the whole thing. And that is exactly when God said today will be the beginning for you. The day you will mark down and note that I started something new. The day you will mark all other things in your life in reference to.  That day.

We can't live in limbo waiting for the someday when we feel like we have total freedom or we feel like we have it all together. Because God is ready to give you a new beginning now, the day you let him start working on you and not waiting for you to be all put together. And when God says its a new beginning, embrace it and don't question him. Step into those new things in faith knowing that even though you don't feel like you have it all together in the least bit, when God says something, he is more than able to do what he's promised. And he is the ultimate author of new beginnings in your life.

Everything

Find me here, and speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in, take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything 

I love this song. It's by a band of Christians that wouldn't necessarily call themselves a Christian band. That made it a taboo worship song at SAGU. I guess it could be written to/about anyone you love and not necessarily God since the word "God" doesn't actually appear in the lyrics. But I have felt His presence so real when singing/hearing this song I can't even imagine it being written from any place other than a hungry soul who is longing to feel God.

And the lyrics speak once again on something I have held to for many years. There is a lot of hype in the church and hype isn't salvation. It isn't relationship. It is only emotion that does not in itself produce anything except those chemicals in your brain that make you excited. I define hype as anything that makes you feel better but doesn't necessarily provide anything spiritually but only a quick emotional fix. 

Hear my heart. I see hype in the form of big worship productions/concerts that focus on the singers and the songs instead of the God that is to be praised. I see hype in the form of a hug when you are down or crying. And those things can help you, at least temporarily. But it can't last and it can't change you or create spiritual depth for the journey of life.

Most of you would understand why I loathe a worship service that is so emotion driven with highs and lows, put together in a big performance.  I know that God can move in those as I have seen it. But I just don't like when primarily newer Christians run to those things to fix their problems. When there is no devotion life. No foundation on which to stand when the devil attacks. And he will attack because if you are serving God, the devil just doesn't like you. You leave feeling good, but if no one has taught you to cling to the unchanging word of God, you haven't gained anything more than the thrill you get from riding a roller coaster (and I love a good roller coaster and the rush it brings.)

I feel the same way about hugs and emotional support when someone is hurting.  Once again, this is not a bad thing, but when you feel down because the devil is beating you up, you need more than a hug and pat on the back and a "I'm praying for you." You need a backbone and the ability to know what Gods word says and throw it back at the devil and stand your ground. In  Matthew 4 when Jesus had been in the wilderness and was tired and the devil came attacking, he didn't run to his disciples for a group hug. He gave the devil a one two punch of God's word and saw victory.  The victory comes when we stand, not when we get an emotional high.

Ok, back to the song.

God can be your everything, you could have your priorities all lined up and you could be right where God wants you and still have moments (or hours or days) where you don't feel him. And that is fine. It doesn't mean you have lost contact with God or that he's mad at you. That is just the normal spiritual walk. If you felt God's presence so real for every hour, at every moment, you wouldn't have to live and walk and move by faith. And our ability to have faith in God, through the dry times is how we are able to please God. We have to believe that he rewards us when we seek him, even though we may or may not be able to feel him all along the way (Hebrews 11:6)  It's easy to believe God when you feel or see him moving. It's the days where you feel like your blindspot is larger than your visibility that you have to just keep going and walking by faith. Because he is still there and you will see the fulfillment of his words if you just keep going and don't give up. 

Because he really is more than enough for you. Your everything.

The Name

The name of the Lord is a strong tower.
The righteous run into it and they are safe.
Proverbs 18:10

I woke up singing the song from this verse this morning.

Sometimes we just want a place where we can be safe. We need a refuge. A place to hide from the struggles. A place to rest and recharge. To gain strength for the next challenge.

So what's in a name? A name carries with it authority. Reputation. Power.

I often hear my kids telling each other what to do. They don't get far unless they add "because mom said so" to the end (whether I really said it or not). Why? Because whomever they are talking to knows that if I really did say whatever it is, there is more authority behind the directions they are being given. And they should listen.

We can be safe under the authority of Jesus. In his name.  Knowing that he's bigger than the enemy and strong enough to protect us while we seek refuge in him.

But not just anyone can seek refuge in the name of Jesus. But only those who have surrendered their way and chosen to live under the authority of Jesus. You can't continue to control your life and then expect to have a refuge to run to when things go wrong. Yes, God is gracious and loving, but he is under no obligation to provide anything to those who aren't his kids.  You can't have things your way and get the benefits of his provision at the same time. You have to choose to either give up your own control and live under the authority of God or do things your own way. 

In the name of Jesus there is power. There is peace. There is joy. There is provision. And there is no where else I'd rather seek refuge than in that powerful name.

Happy 8 Months, Seth!

 Seth, you are such a big boy. Smiling all the time, talking all the time, sitting up by yourself (except when you get so excited that you fall over).  Your favorite sounds are dadadadada, babababa, and tatatata. I think that last one is you feeling your teeth with your tongue. It kind of sounds like you are whispering so I whisper back and you giggle.  You have really gotten chunky in this past month and I am so grateful! It is almost hard to imagine that they were concerned that you weren't gaining enough weight.

 You are wearing 6-9 month clothes mostly, except for pants still because you are kind of a short little guy. I can't imagine where you get that from. You are in a size 3 diaper and I'd guess you weigh about 20 pounds, but you haven't been weighed at the doctors since 6 months.

 This month you have gotten your first two teeth and really found a love for food. You are still eating 6 times a day about 5 ounces each time in addition to 2-3 4 oz bottles of baby food. I was really cautious introducing you to any fruit because I wanted you to love veggies and other things too. Now you pretty much anything I give you. I am trying to teach you baby signs for "all done" "more" and "milk." Sometimes it sounds like you are saying all done, but no signs yet.

 You roll both directions pretty well (front to back and back to front) but haven't gotten the hang of getting around except by rolling back and forth. If we put you on your stomach, you are pretty good at pushing yourself backwards, but then you get mad because you aren't getting what you are going for.  When we hand you something to play with you always say a few sounds to us, so we have taken that to mean thank you and respond with your welcome. You are waving your arm hi and bye at people when they wave at you.

This past weekend you ate so much at lunch (a jar of food mixed with oatmeal to make it a thicker consistency that you like) that you went 5 hours during the day between nursing. I really want you to keep nursing until one year, so I am trying to be cautious to nurse you first and then fill you up with food and not the other way around or I'll be putting myself out of a job.

This month was the first time I have actually realized how much easier my life is because you are a boy and not a girl. You are just so easy and accessories are minimal. You prefer to be barefooted and I'm okay with that since you aren't walking yet. Grandpa calls you a hillbilly since you are always barefooted. I think your fat feet are cute.

I really can't imagine life without you. You are so much fun and so sweet. I think you've changed us and everyone you come in contact with leaves with a smile.

This month I wrote you a name song and it always makes you smile.

S is for super boy
E is for extrordinary
T is for talks to me
H is for happy, happy

Seth, Seth, SETH Seth. I love my boy and he loves me SETH Seth.

I love you so much and my life is so much better with you in it.

~Mommy.

Freedom from Burdens

Great services today at church. I don't usually share testimonies on here. I guess I sometimes feel that by sharing on here, I am opening myself for more attack or for people to watch my every attitude and judge me more when I fall back from what God has given me. 

But not today. Today, I am leaving a post to mark this day as a day of victory in my life.

Today during church service, an altar car was given for people who needed freedom from bondage. I don't even really know why I responded except that as soon as the word was given, I could feel God's presence so strong, beckoning me to come. And just to make sure I responded (or that's how I see it) Haley asked me if she could go because she needed freedom from some bad habits. So once I got up there for prayer, with hands lifted, I felt God's presence so real. The best way I can describe it is I was shaking from the inside out and God was doing something. At this point, I still didn't know what bondage I was being freed from, just that God was moving.

Then my mom came over and began praying for me as God led her.  And God revealed to me that I was in bondage to fear. Fear of failing as a parent. Fear that my kids would never love God or serve him like I want for them. I was carrying too much. The responsibility of my kids was dragging me down. Not that responsibility is a bad thing or that I don't need to take raising my kids seriously, but because I was trying to carry a burden I wasn't made to carry. And I needed to trust God more and fear the future and my failure less. Because in fearing, I was being too hard on myself and I expecting perfection from my kids, both of which eminently lead to the very thing I feared-failure as a parent.

So today God gave me freedom from that fear and the burden I was carrying. Not that I know that anything dramatically changed in me, but I know that God is able. I know that I can trust God with them and stop wearing myself out trying to be the perfect parent raising perfect kids and setting myself up for disappointment.

And from today on, I will lean on God more to give me the strength I need to be more patient with the kids, and with myself, and to love them more and yell at them less. And I will not pick up that heavy burden again. Because I give God my kids completely today. And I'm not holding anything back anymore. I can't do it by myself and God doesn't expect me to. They are a blessing and I am choosing to see them that way and to love them to Jesus. It is not an easy task and I fully expect to fail at this, but I know that God is able to change me, so I expect that from him. And I'm not asking for too much.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message

Lessons from Job

Been reading in Job. Not exactly my favorite book of the Bible. I love the story itself of being faithful through disaster and God restoring Job's life to be greater than before. It shows how amazing God is. But I don't particularly enjoy chapter after chapter of Job's friends and their bad attitudes.  It just can seem a few chapters too long if you ask me.  But in the past few days I've seen some things I haven't seen before.

1. God will put you in your place.

Job got a little full of himself at the end and started demanding God answer him. You know, like a rebellious kid who thinks they know more than their parents.  I'm sure we've all had moments where we didn't exactly treat God like he knew what he was doing. I've tried to help God more times than I can count which from where I am sitting is a pride issue. When I can't trust God enough to stop myself from offering suggestions or doing things the way I know is best, I definitely need some humbling. And God knows just how to do that. I love chapters 38 through 41 where God basically asked Job who did he think he was. If we won't humble ourselves and come to God, realizing he is God and we are not and that we need him, he has his way of humbling us.  Remember, the devil got thrown out of heaven because he thought he could do things better than God, so we need to be careful and not let pride keep us from what God has for us.

2. Job had to forgive his rude friends before God restored his life back to him. 

I have never realized that God required Job's friends to ask for Job's forgiveness and him to pray for them before he restored everything back to Job. It is hard to forgive someone who has wronged us and I would definitely say Job's friends weren't exactly being nice to him. They were basically accusing him of sin he didn't commit and calling him a lier. I am sure he wasn't too happy with them and forgiving them didn't come easy.  And in addition, before Job knew that God was going to provide for him in such a huge way (giving him back double of what was taken from him) Job was asked to pray for his enemies and for God to bless them. I have had to do that before and it is very hard. My tendency was to pray "God, get them good. Pay them back. Make their lives miserable." But that is not what God wanted me to do. Somehow, when we let ourselves sincerely pray for God to bless that person who gets under our skin or has hurt us, God heals us in the process. At least for me, I began to get a better understanding of who that person was and the struggles that they had gone through that has contributed to the pain they caused me. I am not excusing what they did, that is between them and God, but I could understand and have compassion for them and genuinely pray that God would bless them despite what they did to me. Often times God asks us to do things that aren't comfortable, knowing that he plans to bless us when we are obedient. He doesn't tell us his plans because he wants us to obey him, whether or not he blesses us in return. That's called faith. Obedience without getting anything in return.

Flaws

Since I am not God (and I'd guess you aren't either) I have flaws. (Shocker, I know!) There are two ways to deal with flaws: hide them or embrace them.  Stay with me as I make a comparison here.

I have always had bad skin. I remember being in the 5th grade when I first started breaking out. And I have tried all sorts of things to fix it. We did oral meds, topical meds, face wash, birth control. But at some point I just decided this is what I look like.  And I have never successfully been able to cover up my blemishes with make up. I don't like looking over done (I'd guess I've learned that from my mom) and at some point the effort to hide blemishes is no longer worth it.  Most of the time I don't even realize there is something wrong with my skin and then someone tries to offer me a new way to fix it. And it makes me self conscious again.  Because I realize that when people see me, they see my skin as an issue that needs to be fixed. I hate it. It isn't fixable, unless God wants to heal me. It isn't because I don't wash my face or because I eat some certain food. It is genetic. The way God made me.

Ok, for the comparison.  We all have parts of our personality that we see as flaws. Maybe its impatience or anger or the need to control. Or maybe it's the other extreme: soft-spokenness, inability to step up, complacency.  We can try and cover it up, but eventually it will come out. By embracing our flaws and being honest where we are weak, we are able to help each other. When we hide the parts of ourselves that we don't like, others who are watching us think they are the only ones who struggle. And they feel alone instead of encouraged or strengthened. So I refuse to act as though I don't struggle and I don't have issues, because I'm convinced that my struggles will be strength to others for the glory of God. That goes back to why I blog, which I posted about yesterday.

I am not denying that our flaws need to be worked on, especially if it is a personality trait that is in conflict with the way God says his people should live. But we must remember what we were so we can relate to those who are coming from that place. We should share our struggles so we can gain strength and defeat the devil together.

Because two are better than one.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12   New International Version (NIV)

⁹ Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.