Freedom from Burdens

Great services today at church. I don't usually share testimonies on here. I guess I sometimes feel that by sharing on here, I am opening myself for more attack or for people to watch my every attitude and judge me more when I fall back from what God has given me. 

But not today. Today, I am leaving a post to mark this day as a day of victory in my life.

Today during church service, an altar car was given for people who needed freedom from bondage. I don't even really know why I responded except that as soon as the word was given, I could feel God's presence so strong, beckoning me to come. And just to make sure I responded (or that's how I see it) Haley asked me if she could go because she needed freedom from some bad habits. So once I got up there for prayer, with hands lifted, I felt God's presence so real. The best way I can describe it is I was shaking from the inside out and God was doing something. At this point, I still didn't know what bondage I was being freed from, just that God was moving.

Then my mom came over and began praying for me as God led her.  And God revealed to me that I was in bondage to fear. Fear of failing as a parent. Fear that my kids would never love God or serve him like I want for them. I was carrying too much. The responsibility of my kids was dragging me down. Not that responsibility is a bad thing or that I don't need to take raising my kids seriously, but because I was trying to carry a burden I wasn't made to carry. And I needed to trust God more and fear the future and my failure less. Because in fearing, I was being too hard on myself and I expecting perfection from my kids, both of which eminently lead to the very thing I feared-failure as a parent.

So today God gave me freedom from that fear and the burden I was carrying. Not that I know that anything dramatically changed in me, but I know that God is able. I know that I can trust God with them and stop wearing myself out trying to be the perfect parent raising perfect kids and setting myself up for disappointment.

And from today on, I will lean on God more to give me the strength I need to be more patient with the kids, and with myself, and to love them more and yell at them less. And I will not pick up that heavy burden again. Because I give God my kids completely today. And I'm not holding anything back anymore. I can't do it by myself and God doesn't expect me to. They are a blessing and I am choosing to see them that way and to love them to Jesus. It is not an easy task and I fully expect to fail at this, but I know that God is able to change me, so I expect that from him. And I'm not asking for too much.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message