Day 4 - A Bad Habit Your Wish You Didn't Have

I am a perfectionist and tend to be very critical. Of others. Of myself. And I hate it.  I have been working on changing this for a long time with God's help, but for me it is such a hard habit to break.

I think it's hard for me to get past for a couple of reasons.  1) I justify my actions by telling myself I really just want to help.  Yes, I am loving and I do want to help, but that is not the place my thoughts toward others start and I know that.  It starts when people do things differently than they should do them.  I use my Bible knowledge to assess what others should and shouldn't do and it is bad. Not something I am proud of. 2) In general when I share my critical thoughts with others (about someone else), people usually agree with me and once again I am justified for what I think.  As if some benefit is being gained by being critical.

It is very hard for me to respect people as leaders or authority when I can clearly see their faults and it irritates me.  I know, we all have faults but somehow I hold others to my standard and not God's standard.  Don't get me wrong, there are somethings that are just black and white that God asks from us, but there are other areas where God deals individually and I have a hard time when people don't make choices like I think they should.

I know this is wrong but I am a work in progress and God is helping me see people through his eyes of love and compassion and not through my critical eyes.  One of the things that is helping me break this habit is praying for those I am the most critical of.  I learned long ago that praying for people is allowing God to give me a burden for them and to see them as he does and it really changes me in the process.

Let me take this opportunity to apologize to anyone I may have hurt unknowingly.  I know that being critical also means I say things without thinking about them, a lot.  I never intend to hurt anyone, so please forgive me. Have grace on me and pray for me as I am a work in progress.  

"He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be...How loving and patient he must be.  He's still working on me."

Day 3 - Picture of You and Your Friends

I would guess my closest friends are my family.  We get together and play games or we used to before kids were in the picture.  That quickly changed in our family in the last year.  But still, I'd say my closest friends are probably my sister and mom, and BJ of course.  They know me and I don't have to pretend for them.

I don't guess I have pictures of my other two closest friends, Melanie and Shay.  I am not good at taking pictures as I'd rather just enjoy the moment.  Not good for scrapbooking, good for the moment. I've known Melanie almost my whole life and until we were both adults, I'd say she was more of a mentor than a friend. She is 10 years older than me, but at some point none of that matters any more. I met Shay in high school and we have been through a lot over the years.  We don't always make time to hang out, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off.

This post about friends would not be complete without adding my coworkers, which are probably the people I spend the most time with.  They have known me for 10 of the craziest years of my life through the most changes I'd guess.  They probably know a side of me most others don't see as often.  I think we are all a little different in a work environment than we are just alone at home.

To be honest, I don't really have a BFF (which I think is such a middle school term by the way).  My life is too busy to add "hanging out" to my schedule. I guess I've never had a close friend for longer than a year or two at a time. People change, life changes, and people have come into and out of my life as long as I can remember.  And I'm totally fine with that. Maybe that's why I think my best friends are my mom and sister.  Because they are constant.  I guess this all adds up to the fact that I am more of an introvert than an extravert.  I am totally fine being by myself and don't need other people to feel energized or fulfilled.  When I am around people I enjoy their company, but history has told me I don't crave that interaction enough to seek it out.

Day 2 The Meaning of Your Blogger Name

At first our blog name was B.J. and Sandra.  When B.J. started his own blog, I felt like I needed to change the name of the blog since he would no longer be contributing to this one.  At about the same time, we got placement of our kiddos and our family grew from 2 to 5 overnight.  Hence the name, Fowler Five.

The one problem with the blog name would be what God has next for us.  As you should be well aware, we fully expect God to continue to grow our family.  No, we are not the next Duggar Family, but when this family of five becomes more, the blog name will definitely need a facelift.

I have a friend, who has just started the plan to domestically adopt an infant. I only share that because she pointed out a verse this week on facebook that just blew me away.

God will be done when he is done and he will see us through to the fulfillment of his promises in our lives, whatever that means.  I'm excited to see what God has next for the Fowler Five.

Foundations

My friend Raven has been recording Bible Studies on YouTube for the past month or so and yesterday's episode gave me a perfect place for jumping off here.  Don't mean to steal your thunder Raven, but God spoke so clearly to me I feel like I must share! :)

Her Bible Study was primarily out of Matthew 7:24-27 and she talked about the wise and foolish men who built their house on the rock and sand, respectively.  We can choose to build our lives on the firm foundation of Jesus by hearing his word and obeying what he says to do.

I think a lot of people don't make this choice because they don't see the necessity of it.  They think life is just fine and there is no need to change anything.  Because change is hard and takes work.

But, guys, we are living on the beach in Galveston and Hurricane Ike is coming. When building a house in a flood zone/hurricane zone, a lot of precautions have to be made.  The garage on the bottom floor is required to have break away walls that give way to whatever storm comes so the house can stand. The piers that hold the house up have to be made of a certain strength and drilled down a certain depth so the house can stand.  The windows should withstand high winds so the inside can be protected from the storm.  All because they expect to see some hurricanes or storms.  If you want the house to survive at all, these are necessities.  We aren't talking about paying for a luxury, something extra, but the bare minimum.

A foundation in Christ isn't optional.  It is life or death. 

Cause the storm will come.  The difference is whether it will kill you or make you stronger.  Whether you are clinging to your ways, your methods, your strength, or His firm foundation. Cause His is unshakeable and your own strength, no matter how strong you perceive yourself, will fail you.

I've been through a lot of storms and my foundation made all the difference in the world.  I truly don't know what I would have done during the hurricanes of my life if I didn't have God.  Holding my hand. Making me stand through it by His strength. Because He is enough. Our hope in the darkest nights.  Our strength when we feel our weakest.  Our everything.  Our firm and steady foundation.  The reason we can be unmovable during the storms.

Blog Challenge

For me, half the struggle of blogging is figuring out what to say. It's actually kinda hard since I can't post my kids names or pictures and because at some point normal life is kinda boring, especially without pictures.  So I've decided to join a blog challenge I ran across this morning.  I am sure I won't blog every day for 30 days, but it'll at least give me something to blog about 1-2 times a week when I get time to sit down.  Here's the list of blog topics:
•Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself (will do today!)

•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn't have, or something that you are looking forward to.
•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

•Day 09- Something you’re proud of

•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

•Day 11- a person you would love to meet.

•Day 12- Your Blog Story.

•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

•Day 14- A picture of you and your family

•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)

•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

•Day 20- What does your future hold/where would you like to be?

•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

•Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

•Day 24- A letter to your parents

•Day 25- What I would find in your bag
•Day 26- What you think about your friends
•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
•Day 30- Who are you?

This is one of the pictures from our family photo session in early December. I know it isn't up close, but I still like it.  Ok, onto 15 interesting facts about me.

1. I love to memorize scripture.  It is very rewarding to be able to quote verses or to know where passages of scripture are during a sermon.  It also helps when fighting off that pesky devil to know the Word and use it to fight him.

2.  I played the bass guitar in a Christian rock band from ages 14 - 21.  I would say I can probably still play, but I wouldn't know since my bass guitar has been sitting in the corner in its case for over 3 years. Ha!

3. I love teaching.  Whether it is Sunday School, or doing homework with my kids, or helping someone at work.  I really enjoy seeing someone else "get it" when I've helped them.

4. My first movie to see in a theater was "Princess Diaries" on my 19th birthday.

5. I went to Nicaragua on a mission trip when I was 13.

6. I am very competitive. Very. I don't care what it is (except playing sports which I like to do, but know I am not good at) if I have a chance to win it, I will compete and you will see a totally different side of me.

7. I have been at the same church since I was 4 and I love it.  It is my family and my home and I wouldn't ever have it any other way. 

8. Me and my husband met on the internet in March of 1999, before meeting on the internet was cool or popular.

10. I have been at the same job for almost 10 years, a third of my life.

11. I can't whistle.

12. I love organizing but hate cleaning.

13. I love to bake when I have time.

14. I was born in Nebraska, but have lived in Texas for most of my life.

15. My first job was in college at a daycare watching 11 two year olds and I still miss it sometimes.

General Update and While you Serve

I've been MIA from the blogging world for a few weeks because life has been just crazy.  This week, BJ is off with the kids, so I'm going in to work early and trying to get some extra hours in.  I would be lying if I didn't say I was jealous of their spring break, but that's just the way life is in the CPA world.

Now that I'm not in charge of our Sunday School class, I don't get to choose what we are teaching about and that is totally okay.  We have started a study on the life of David. 

Before, when God would speak to me I would ask him for specific direction as to whether he was speaking to me for me or for the class or just in general and would feel liberty to share certain things on my blog based on the purpose of his revelation. So now, because it isn't my job to find God's word for our class, I know that when God speaks it is just for me and I feel free to share out of my heart to whomever is listening to my ramblings (as many or few as that may be).

So this week sometime I was reading in Luke 1 about the story of Zechariah.  It says in verse 8 "as he was serving as a priest before God...then the Angel of the Lord appeared to him." I have probably read this 5 trillion times.  And God hit me square in the face.  If you want me to speak, if you want me to answer your prayers, get busy serving me as I've called you to serve me. So often we put our life on pause, and devote all of our efforts and prayers to asking God and seeking him when the whole time he is saying obey me, serve me and I will hear you and move on your behalf.  Duh!! How many different ways does God have to say it? Seek first my kingdom and my ways and all this will be given to you as well.

The second thing that struck me is that it says is that Zechariah's prayer was heard.  It made me wonder how many years did he and Elizabeth seek God for a child.  Since scripture says they were both old and she was barren, I would guess a long time.  A lot of us would have probably long given up on God and forgotten what he'd promised.  But not Zechariah.  He kept on for years, praying and serving, praying and serving, and knowing that when God's time came, he would see God's plan unfold before him. Now that is faithfulness.

In other news, adoption is quickly approaching.  We are looking at about 5 weeks now. Maybe less.  

And BJ and I have about a month until our "A Weekend to Remember" marriage retreat.  We are really excited about getting a well needed break from the kids.  And not hearing mommy this or daddy that for 2 whole days. Two. Whole. Days.  Peace and quiet. And just the two of us.  Sounds like heaven. :)

And before you know it, summer will be here and we will be heading to Kansas to camp for a week with my mom's family.  I am really looking forward to the kids getting to meet everyone and not having a thing to do in the world besides hang out and catch up with the family. Good times.