Relationship

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

Spending time with God is a treasure. A vital part of my every day life. Because the relationship I have with Him is mutual. It's not me talking to a wall or spouting out prayers from rote memory but having a friendship with someone who cares for me and wants to talk to me as much as I want and need to talk to Him.

God has been speaking to me using older songs lately. I love when God takes something I've read or sang many times and just opens my eyes to see something I haven't seen before. This time God showed me that when I spend time with God, it's not just me who benefits, but God also gets joy.  When we spend time together we both, God and I, share in the joy. There is nothing I want more than to bring God joy and when I spend time with Him, that is exactly what I am doing. Sharing in joy with God that no one else will ever experience or know the way we do. 

When we spend our days together, God walks with me. Not ahead of me calling me to hurry up. Not on the sidelines shouting orders, but with me. Each step of the way. God talks with me. Not at me shouting out commands or belittling me for my mistakes. But loving me and sharing conversation with me. And the thing he continues to reassure me is that I am his.  Why do I need to know that I belong to him? Because sometimes I feel lost. I feel out of place or misunderstood. I'm sure we all do. But God reminds me that I am his and he loves me because he made me. I am his creation, his prized possession.

God desires relationship with me, with you, so much that he draws us to himself. He tugs at our hearts and calls us to come to him because he wants our friendship, our love, as much as we need his. Because that's why he created us.  So he wouldn't have to be alone. I am not in any way assuming that God needs anything, because afterall, he is God and has the ability to not need or want anything, but he chooses to be pleased with having a relationship with us.

So we don't have to live lonely lives, but we can walk day by day with God, sharing our heart with him and knowing that his love is so much more fulfilling than any other relationship will ever  be.

The Nineties

Honestly, I don't have a clue where my kids come up with these things.  In the past few weeks my kids have started asking questions about the nineties.

Were there schools in the nineties?
Were there cars in the nineties? 
Were you alive in the nineties? (And because I was, I must be really old. And since I was born in the eighties, before the nineties, I must be ancient. Ha!)

According to them, if something happened a long time ago in history, it must have been in the nineties. I laugh and realize what our parents thought about all of our questions about the seventies when we were growing up. 

I'm not quite sure what the interest in the nineties is, but something got their curiosity peaked.

While we are on the topic of random discussions, Katelynn is just the queen of random, and just talking in general  Friday night I was taking her to a church event (it was just her and sleeping Seth in the car with me) and the girl wouldn't close her mouth for more than 2 seconds.  If you've ever met my sweet girl, who is the definition of social, you'll know she thinks out loud. All. The. Time. So we know exactly why she does everything, what thought process she went through to make every decision, and basically everything she has ever thought in her lifetime.

My life is definitely different then when I didn't have kids.  There is never a dull moment and I laugh a whole lot more often.  Kids are good for me. They help me relax and not take myself so seriously.

Great is thy Faithfulness!

All day yesterday and this song and phrase has been going over and over in my spirit.

Great is thy faithfulness!

I have been through times in my life where I was desperately waiting to see God fulfill his promises to me and I continued to believe that God would be faithful. During those days, I repeated again and again that God was faithful, but that was a statement based on God's character and definitely not based on what I was seeing or feeling at the moment.

Great is thy faithfulness!

And I can look back and see where I am now and can say with certainty that God is indeed faithful. Not even a year and a half ago I was in such a dark place. A struggle. And I could not see how or when God would keep his word. And yet here we are, with 4 beautiful kids that God has given us as proof that God is indeed faithful. And he sees us and knows the desires of our hearts and is working everything out behind the scenes when we don't even think he's paying us any attention.

Great is thy faithfulness!

And he has provided for us in financial ways beyond what we could ever imagine.  I don't usually discuss our finances here because it's kind of a personal matter and I don't want people to think I am being prideful or bragging about myself. Please know I am bragging on my God. This past year we bought and sold a house, got a bigger car, had Seth and paid related medical and other expenses, went without a normal paycheck for 6 weeks while I was home with Seth (on top of the normal Christmas expenses), but we never even felt the anticipated financial strain. We had extra money come in from unexpected sources. We have survived 3 months with 4 kids and really haven't changed our standard of living or had to cut back. And we have an adoption credit coming when we file our taxes. Because God always takes care of his own.

Great is thy faithfulness!  Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed thy hand hath provided.
Great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.

Teaching Faith

Tonight Haley asked me to pray over her before she went to bed.  This isn't a rare occurrence at my house.  And I can't say no to that, from any of my kids.  I think as parents, our kids learn to love God or ignore him from us. To have faith that God can move mountains or to doubt from us. So I take every opportunity, especially an invitation to pray, and run with it. I pray very purposefully so that they hear my heart and it re-establishes the things we have taught them about God and his love and how valuable they are to him and to us.  Because every kid needs reassurance, especially mine.

And then she asked me to pray for her biological parents. Haley is very concerned about her parents' salvation.  Because she loves them and always will.  They are, after all, her parents. So I pray for them. That God will send someone to tell them about His love for them. So they can have the opportunity to choose to serve God.  So they can go to heaven.

After I walked away, I began to wonder why she asks me to pray. Part of it is the affirmation she gets from her request. But the other part is that she sees faith.  Faith that doesn't give up, even when it doesn't seem like God is moving. Faith that is based on God's word and promises and not on the circumstances.

I am in no way some super Christian who sees God move every time I ask him for something. But I have been serving God long enough to know that he does hear me. And my faith does not waver when I don't get my way or when I feel like my prayers are hitting the ceiling. And God is always faithful. And that is what she sees in me.

Honestly, I have moments where I feel like my efforts to teach my kids to live and love like Jesus does is pointless. And then God reminds me that the effort is worth it.  That the seeds are being planted and he is watering it and letting it grow up in them.  Praise God!

Happy 3 Months, Seth!

Wow! I can't believe you are three months old already! Where has the time gone? At your doctor's appointment last week you were weighing in at 10lbs 12oz and 23 inches long.  You are still in size 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers.  Since you are so skinny, some newborn pants fit you if they are long enough. We have finally got you eating often enough to gain enough weight to keep the doctors happy.  I promise I would never deprive you of food intentionally, you are just so laid back, it took a while to realize you were hungry even if you weren't making your needs known.  We had your baby dedication on February 3rd at church.

In the past few weeks you have really changed a lot.  I think you are at my favorite stage so far.  I do love  a tiny sleeping baby, but one who smiles and coos at you and has a personality makes my heart smile. Your smile lights up a room.  All the people at church love you and love making you smile and talk to them.  You are eating 4-5 ounces every 3 hours during the day and less often at night.  I thought you were aware of your surroundings before, but you are definitely becoming a people person.  You love when we talk to you or about you. When you get excited you kick your legs and wave your arms as can be seen in most of your pictures where your arms and/or legs are blurry.  Since we switched you to eating every three hours during the day, you have a much more predictable night schedule.  You sleep for a 6-7 hour stretch and then a 4 hour stretch at night time. And you are pretty good at laying down tired, but not asleep, and putting yourself to sleep. Some times you want to talk yourself to sleep and I'm afraid you'll wake up Katelynn, so I let you sleep in your pack n play in our room instead of your crib. You have found yourself in the mirror on the changing table and in the car and love to watch yourself and talk to yourself. You are quite a social little guy.

In the past months you have definitely stolen some hearts. Besides your family, which is a given, Mrs. Lydia and Mrs. Margie who watch you at church have fallen in love with you. Also, you have some adopted great-grandparents in Ken and Linda Everly. They got to watch you one day when Nana was sick and Martha was sick and you have them wrapped around your little finger.  Also, Lisa Pruitt always asks to hold you.  I guess you are just so cute, everyone loves being around you.  That's what happens when you are the only baby at a church that is pretty much like a big family.  And when they have all also been praying for us and for you for years. But no matter that you are social and really pretty good with anyone, you always know when I walk in a room.  You hear my voice and immediately start looking for me.  Not always so that you can go to me.  You are usually content with anyone, but just want to know where I am if I'm near.

You have found your hands and have a strong grip on anything you can get your hands on. Of course, everything ends up in your mouth. You also try to imitate others when they talk to you or make noises for you.  Your cute little tongue seems to get in the way of you talking as you haven't figured out what to do with it.

When you were first born, I found myself calling you "Sweetheart" a lot. That is also what I call your brothers and sisters.  Recently your nickname has been shortened down to just "Sweets" or "Little guy" or "Sweet boy."

I could hold you and watch you all day.  We are so blessed that God gave you to us and are so grateful he has allowed us to be your parents.  I think you are the cutest baby ever, but I'm a little partial.  I love you more than I ever thought possible.  You are amazing because God made you perfectly to become who he planned for you to be! I can't wait to see your personality form and to see you grow up.  But don't rush it! I'm enjoying you right now while you are little. I don't want to miss a moment.

Love,

Mommy

Life Goes On

Yes, it most certainly does.  I must apologize for my blogging hiatus.  I have so many thoughts going through my mind and yet life's a little busy right now and I haven't made it a priority to get some things documented here.

If you'll notice, the last time I blogged was the second day back to work after being off with my sweatheart, Seth. So I am definitely having to adjust to a new normal.  You know, the work full time, mom full time normal.  I was both of these things before with my older children, but its different when this tiny human depends on you so much for everything. 

And most evenings BJ is on the computer so I just check facebook and such from my phone while watching TV in my hour or so of downtime after the kids go to sleep and before I do.  I could blog from my phone, but it takes a lot longer to type.

There is another reason the blogging has stopped that I haven't really wanted to address until now.  Things were going swimmingly until Seth's 2 month appointment. That is when the other frustration began.  I am sure I didn't need something else to be thrown in the mix in order for my life to be over-full, and yet, here we are.  I was totally ready to post a "Happy 2 Month" post, but I didn't come back from the doctor happy and it just ruined my plans.  (And being busy at work with January payroll didn't make blogging easy on me.)

At the two month appointment began the struggle of weight.  Not mine, his (although some would say I need to gain weight too).  Because the doctor wasn't happy with the amount of weight Seth was gaining. I thought I was doing everything I should and Seth seemed to be eating well and was generally a happy baby so I was crushed to learn he wasn't gaining enough weight.  If you'll remember, we had this issue shortly after he was born. He was too small, wasn't gaining enough weight, blah blah blah. It's hard to be a mom and its even harder to exclusively breastfeed., and then they tell you he isn't eating enough and it rocks your world (remember, I am still hormonal, so what might not bother you bothered me.) So the consensus at that doctor's appointment was that my milk didn't have enough calories in it so Seth wasn't getting enough calories.  I admit, I haven't done the best at eating, not really because I'm too busy, but because my stomach shrunk when I was pregnant and I am just not really hungry a lot of the time. So the plan was for me to eat more calories (2500 a day) and drink more whole milk to increase my calories and fat intake.  So we tried that for a week, took him back to the doctor and Seth still didn't gain enough weight. And I cried again. So plan B included feeding Seth more often and me intentionally eating more calories each day. Two weeks later we were back at the doctor and finally got the okay on his weight gain. I know that doesn't seem like that big of a deal to anyone else, but to me, it was just one more frustration on top of everything else.  I felt like Seth and I had a schedule and were doing well on it and then we got the disapproval of the doctors (or that's what it felt like to me) and had to start over again.  But, praise God that is over now! I am still eating more and feeding him more because I don't want to have to deal with another emotional blow when we go back at his 4 month checkup if they aren't happy with his weight gain again.

So all of that to say, now the elephant in the room has been addressed (and I feel better about it all), I hope to be able to blog more often.  I still need to do a 2 month post for Seth, Haley's birthday extravaganza post and then Seth's three month post as he will be 3 months old on Thursday.  It is so hard to believe my sweetheart is getting so big. Oh, and God has been speaking to me and I haven't had the energy to share here, so maybe some of that will be coming in the next few weeks or so.

Let me leave you with a few pictures, just because I can.

So excited! 12 weeks 4 days

Some days, they even like each other.