Happy 15 Months, Seth!

I know I never did Seth's one year post and I may get to that some day, but today I am catching up to Seth's most recent statistics from his 15 month doctor's appointment.

Seth, you weigh 21 lbs, 3 oz and are 30.5 inches long. This is down 4 ounces from your 1 year appointment, but you are just getting over being sick, and walking everywhere, so I blame it on that. You had a 5 day spout of throwing up and not eating well, but I am happy to report you are over that.

You wear size 12 month pants and can wear either 12 or 18 months for everything else. Your shoes are a size 3 or 4 and haven't really changed much in a while. You are still nursing before bed and when you wake up. You have 9 teeth and your 10th is on the way in. This includes 4 on the top, 3 on the bottom (almost 4) and then 2 upper molars that have just come through.

You eat table food mostly, and recently decided you would like to drink juice out of a straw sippy cup. This partially started when we were giving you pedialite when you were sick so you wouldn't get dehydrated. We have moved you to 5 or 6 ounces of milk (in addition to nursing) so that you will eat more. You love your cherrios and are quite upset if we try to feed you something that is not what the rest of the family is eating.  Since decreasing your milk, you seem to always want to be snacking on something, and that is good and will help you keep growing right.

After you got over being sick, I decided I would officially get you to go to sleep in your own bed. Previously, you got spoiled with falling asleep in my arms and then I would move you to your crib later. Then you woke up in the middle of the night (when you were sick) and since you would cry when I went to put you back down, I gave in. I hate to see you sick and got you in some bad habits (mainly sleeping part of the night in our bed).

I realized I wasn't getting good sleep after you were better (and still thinking you needed to sleep with us after you woke up in the middle of the night) and decided it was time to sleep train you. The first two nights you slept what I think is most of the night standing up next to the rail of the bed. Every time I would go to put you down you would cry and wail. I would leave and you would stand yourself back up, get against the rail and fall asleep there. I was afraid you would either fall down and hurt yourself or fall out of the bed.

The third night I made you lay on your back and stayed with you a while, stroking your head with my hand and comforting you until I was sure that you would not stand up, but would lay down until you fell asleep. And it worked. I have been gradually staying with you less and less and you are essentially going to bed on your own and staying asleep all night. You are such a big boy!

 You have found a lot of places you like to sit that seem to be just the right height including the lowest refrigerator shelf and the bottom stair.  We haven't had to use the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs lately. The novelty of climbing the stairs has worn off and you are becoming quite the listener.

 You copy what we say (or at least the last word of a sentence) and are starting to express yourself more. You can sign more and please and all done and know what they mean. You also say what sounds like "Hi, there" "dada" and "mama" as well as "nana" "uh oh" "all done" "more" and I'm sure some others that I can't remember.

I recently taught you to tickle other people and you love it when we laugh in response. You bring me your shoes to put them on in the mornings and can identify your nose, feet, ears, and eyes. You are a smart little boy! You can stack and unstack your cups and nest them together. You love music and have a sweet little singing voice. In the evening you like to spin in circles with your hands raised "praising Jesus."  You like to point your finger and do all the motions to the Wheels on the Bus and the Itsy Bitsy Spider.

You are growing and learning so fast! It is amazing to me how quickly you learn things. You are such a blessing to us and bring us joy every day. My newest nick name for you is "Sweet Thing" and it fits you perfectly.

I love you little guy!

Just Ask God

How often do we just deal with our problems instead of asking God to fix them? 

God really convicted me of this last night while I was sleeping.  See, my sweet boy, Seth, has been throwing up. He doesn't act like he feels bad or run a fever but he goes from fine to crying without warning and next comes the vomiting. And as quick as it comes he's back to normal.

So we have narrowed it down to car sickness, teething, or potential lactose intolerance. And we have thought through multiple solutions: switch him back to backward facing (when this initially started), try almond or soy milk, and the list goes on. I've gotten advice from multiple people and we have all racked our brains to figure this out. (He has a pediatrician appointment on Thursday and since we are making sure he is staying hydrated and he isn't running a fever, we have opted to wait until then to see the doctor). We have googled and searched the internet and are really not any closer to where we were all the time.

Last night, God plainly asked me why we did just ask him to heal him. Well, duh!  I was so busy planning and fixing it all, I hadn't even thought of that.

Aren't we all like this sometimes? We see the problem and want to fix and get information and prepare ourselves for the inevitable, when God is saying "Didn't you forget I am God? What is impossible for man is possible with me!"

So last night I prayed for him and have been continuing to do so every time we feed him, every time he gets in a car, every time anything reminds me of the possibility that he could throw up. God is still in the healing business and nothing is too small or too hard for him. I fully expect it to just dissipate and not be an issue any more. Because God is big enough. I feel so silly for enduring this without ever even thinking to ask God to heal him.

I am so grateful I serve a God who wants to help me on a daily basis, if I will just learn to ask him.

Growth

In the past days, I have been looking back at what God has done and he has been showing me how much he has changed me and how much I have grown spiritually.  (On a side note, if we don't take time to look back, we sometimes forget who we used to be. The change in us is sometimes so gradual that we don't even notice unless we are purposefully comparing ourselves now to then.) I am so grateful that God has been stretching me and growing me, even though it has definitely not been easy.

7 years ago this month, I walked through an opportunity God was speaking to me about. That is when I started teaching the college/career Sunday School class at church. This was very difficult for me. Moving from teaching K-2nd graders to a class of young adults who were basically my peers. This was definitely a faith building time for me. During the first few years, I learned how to hear God more clearly as he gave me fresh words for them every week (without curriculum mostly). I also learned how to be obedient when I didn't always see the results of my labor. Often times the lesson didn't go how I thought it should, but I had to learn to trust God and that his word would not return void as he promised. I had to get past myself and the fear of what people would think about me and just do what God was asking of me.

5 1/2 years ago we started trying to conceive our first child. If you've read my blog any length of time, you know that led to many tears and years of dealing with unexplained infertility. It also allowed my spiritual foundation on God's word and promises to go deeper and deeper. During this difficult time in my life, I had to choose to either believe God, as I had claimed I did all my life, or shrink back and let it destroy me. It is during the difficult times of life that you learn what you really believe and what you are made of. I was so grateful to have some dear ladies and friends from the church who had been there before who I could look to. I knew that the God they served, who came through for them and provided them with families, would do the same for me if I just remained faithful. And he did.

3 1/2 years ago we decided to explore our options with adoption and started the process to adopt through the foster care system. The fact that we had to get to this made me very mad initially (it wasn't fair), until I remembered God's gentle words to me as a teenager. When he touched my heart and gave me compassion for the orphans and had prompted my heart to be open to adoption as an adult. I had forgotten all about that until God reminded me and then I knew we were exactly where we needed to be. (Well, that and the sense of peace I found with BJ by my side as my spiritual head, ready to do this and go into the unknown.) I learned to let BJ be the head of our family and to trust him to support me and to follow God into the new chapter of our lives.

2 1/2 years ago we learned about three beautiful kids who needed a home (This was actually the second time we had seen their pictures and submitted our home study to be considered.) October of 2011 they came to live with us. All in God's timing. All in God's plan. And I had to learn to trust him in a whole new way. More unknown territory where I needed wisdom and compassion to lead them according to His plans. This is definitely not a completed chapter as we are day by day dealing with new struggles as new parents with a house full of kids. But, this too, has been a place of growth for me.

2 years ago we found out we were expecting our sweet boy, baby Seth. God was fulfilling his word in me, again. And more would be expected of me and I would learn to lean on God's strength in a whole new way. 

So here we are. About to embark on a new chapter again.  A place where I will learn more of God and will gain his strength in a whole new way. I am not free to reveal all the details right now, but I do know that God is faithful. He often has required me to take steps of faith to show him I trust him and he has graciously confirmed his word to me. Time and again. This time feels so much bigger than before (although I probably would have said that as each new chapter was beginning), and I am scared, honestly. I really have been waiting for some confirmation before I step out there, but I think God is requiring me to take the first step this time.  

Scared or not, I do know that whatever God asks of me, he will also provide me with everything I need to fulfill his plans. Praise God! And I'll be able to look back and see that this time too, God has caused me to grow and stretch me so that I can be perfectly molded and made for God's perfect plans.

Super Sunday

This morning's church service was amazing! God showed up to love on his people and spoke directly to me. There is nothing I love more than feeling so loved by God! There are some big things God is about to start doing in me and through me. Praise God!

Today we sang one of my favorite worship songs "The More I Seek You" and God very clearly showed me some things in the lyrics.

The more i seek you,
the more i find you.

The more i find you,
the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath,
hear your heart beat

This love is so deep,
it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

"I wanna sit at your feet"
-This is the place of discipleship and learning. Like Mary in Luke 10 sat at the Master's feet while Martha was busy being an accommodating host and taking care of other matters.  Do we really want to take the time to sit and learn what God wants us to know or are we too busy to pause our life and our schedules for that?

"Drink from the cup in your hand"
-The cup holds all that God has for us and all that he wants us to participate in. It could be a cup of blessing or it could be a cup of suffering. As Jesus cried in the Garden of Gethsemene, "Let this cup be taken from me. But not as I will but as you will."  Are we willing to partake in the fullness of God, knowing that sometimes it is not what we would choose for ourselves? Will we obey when we don'y understand?

"Lay down against you and breath"
-Ever need a breather? A moment to rest?  I know I do and when I draw close to God, I can get a break. There I can find rest for the weary soul. Refreshing for the tired and restoration from the toil the struggles have had on my mind and emotions. This is the place where we learn to "be still and know that (he) is God."

"Feel your heartbeat"
-The more time we spend seeking God and being in his presence, the more we begin to understand his ways and his motivations. We learn what moves the very heart of God and our heartbeat evolves to his.

A relationship with God involves all of these things. Times of learning. Times of obedience and surrender. Times of rest and trust. Times of just being with him and learning from him.

A friend posted this week on facebook "We are as close to God as we choose to be." And when we want more of God, we can seek him more and we will find that he is all that we've ever needed.

Drawing Me

As much as I would love to say I always do want God wants, I don't. I am human and I fail. Often times because obeying God isn't always convenient. It's stepping out of your comfort zone that shows God he can trust you. 

And as much as I strive and try, the thing lately that keeps me going and working is the fact that God is desiring to be with me more than I with him.

 We are so blinded sometimes to think that our struggle to please God is a one-sided journey. God wants us. To be with us. To have us close to him and not just for our benefit. For his too. After all he created us to worship him for his pleasure.

He is ever drawing us to his side, yearning for us to respond and choose to draw close to him.

Do you hear him? He's there and he loves you and desires you more than you will ever know. 

A New Way to Fight

Today the theme of our church service, as directed by God, was gaining our victory and freedom in Christ. As we were singing  God very clearly brought me to a story of Moses. It is found in Exodus 17: 8-13. This is the story of the Israelites battle against the Amalekites. Joshua was leading the army into battle and Moses was standing on a hill over the fight with his hands raised to God. When he got tired and would drop his hands, the Israelites would start to lose, but when he raised his hands, God would bring the victory.

Many time we (and by we I mean me) go about fighting all the wrong way. We come to God, laying our burdens, our struggles at his feet, and beg and plead for him to bring us to victory. We tell him how to fix each part and how to bring it all together the way we think it should happen (again, I am sure I am the only one who has it all planned out and am glad to share some of my insight with God because I know he needs my opinion).

But we need to learn to fight like Moses did. With upraised hands. With our worship. If we will lift up the victor, who has gone before us and already won the victory through his sacrifice on the cross, we will see His hand moving and bringing us to the victory. And quite honestly, our perspective changes when we look to the victor and remind ourselves of who he is, getting lost in worship, lifting him up instead of fighting the fight by carrying our burdens and bringing them to God again and again. There is nothing wrong with bringing our needs to God. He actually tells us to do that. But I think we forget the part that says the battle isn't ours. That says cast all your cares on him and he will sustain you. That says fix your eyes on Jesus. Not on the battle, not on the problem, but on the problem solver. On the way maker. On our victor.

We must learn to worship through the struggles. Through the storm. To lift God higher so he can be bigger in our lives. To thank God for the victory instead of begging him to help us. The victory has already been won. The devil is defeated. Praise God!

God just keeps reminding me that he knows the end from the beginning. I don't see it all. I really wish I could sometimes, but I don't. God knows it all. Where he is leading me through this journey. How he is going to use me and my struggles for his glory. What he had prepared for my kids. How he is gonna show himself in their lives. In our lives. 

If I can learn to fight like Moses did, always giving God praise. Always coming before him. Thankful in advance for what he will do even though I don't see it, I can live victoriously. Not because I see the end or that the struggle is over, but because the journey too will be a time of living in God's presence. Not a time engulfed with the fears of tomorrow and the worries of "what ifs." But a time of being drawn closer to his side. A time of rejoicing in how great my God is!