Growth

In the past days, I have been looking back at what God has done and he has been showing me how much he has changed me and how much I have grown spiritually.  (On a side note, if we don't take time to look back, we sometimes forget who we used to be. The change in us is sometimes so gradual that we don't even notice unless we are purposefully comparing ourselves now to then.) I am so grateful that God has been stretching me and growing me, even though it has definitely not been easy.

7 years ago this month, I walked through an opportunity God was speaking to me about. That is when I started teaching the college/career Sunday School class at church. This was very difficult for me. Moving from teaching K-2nd graders to a class of young adults who were basically my peers. This was definitely a faith building time for me. During the first few years, I learned how to hear God more clearly as he gave me fresh words for them every week (without curriculum mostly). I also learned how to be obedient when I didn't always see the results of my labor. Often times the lesson didn't go how I thought it should, but I had to learn to trust God and that his word would not return void as he promised. I had to get past myself and the fear of what people would think about me and just do what God was asking of me.

5 1/2 years ago we started trying to conceive our first child. If you've read my blog any length of time, you know that led to many tears and years of dealing with unexplained infertility. It also allowed my spiritual foundation on God's word and promises to go deeper and deeper. During this difficult time in my life, I had to choose to either believe God, as I had claimed I did all my life, or shrink back and let it destroy me. It is during the difficult times of life that you learn what you really believe and what you are made of. I was so grateful to have some dear ladies and friends from the church who had been there before who I could look to. I knew that the God they served, who came through for them and provided them with families, would do the same for me if I just remained faithful. And he did.

3 1/2 years ago we decided to explore our options with adoption and started the process to adopt through the foster care system. The fact that we had to get to this made me very mad initially (it wasn't fair), until I remembered God's gentle words to me as a teenager. When he touched my heart and gave me compassion for the orphans and had prompted my heart to be open to adoption as an adult. I had forgotten all about that until God reminded me and then I knew we were exactly where we needed to be. (Well, that and the sense of peace I found with BJ by my side as my spiritual head, ready to do this and go into the unknown.) I learned to let BJ be the head of our family and to trust him to support me and to follow God into the new chapter of our lives.

2 1/2 years ago we learned about three beautiful kids who needed a home (This was actually the second time we had seen their pictures and submitted our home study to be considered.) October of 2011 they came to live with us. All in God's timing. All in God's plan. And I had to learn to trust him in a whole new way. More unknown territory where I needed wisdom and compassion to lead them according to His plans. This is definitely not a completed chapter as we are day by day dealing with new struggles as new parents with a house full of kids. But, this too, has been a place of growth for me.

2 years ago we found out we were expecting our sweet boy, baby Seth. God was fulfilling his word in me, again. And more would be expected of me and I would learn to lean on God's strength in a whole new way. 

So here we are. About to embark on a new chapter again.  A place where I will learn more of God and will gain his strength in a whole new way. I am not free to reveal all the details right now, but I do know that God is faithful. He often has required me to take steps of faith to show him I trust him and he has graciously confirmed his word to me. Time and again. This time feels so much bigger than before (although I probably would have said that as each new chapter was beginning), and I am scared, honestly. I really have been waiting for some confirmation before I step out there, but I think God is requiring me to take the first step this time.  

Scared or not, I do know that whatever God asks of me, he will also provide me with everything I need to fulfill his plans. Praise God! And I'll be able to look back and see that this time too, God has caused me to grow and stretch me so that I can be perfectly molded and made for God's perfect plans.