As much as I try to be chill, I would be lying if I said that I didn't place unrealistic expectations on everyone, including myself. I am perpetually setting myself up to be disappointed. I am not naturally a hugger or touchy feely kind of person so showing love when I am disappointed is really hard for me. Really hard.
I tend to focus on where my expectations were not met rather than the good that is being done. So I'm constantly asking God to help me love better, knowing that I will be disappointed. Somehow, even knowing that disappointment is a given, I constantly expect that when I'm able to love better (or maybe show love better is more accurate) that people will suddenly want to meet my expectations so they will change. The truth of the matter is that as I grow in showing love, even when I'm disappointed, God changes me and not them.
As I learn to be a better parent, to love better, I am constantly understanding in a new way how God must feel about me. I'm sure I've disappointed him a lot and yet he keeps pouring out love on me, keeps challenging me, keeps pushing me toward his greater purpose and plans. So I strive to love like he does and not give up like he doesn't give up on me, even if I disappoint him.
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