I love lists...

especially when you get to check them off. Honestly, sometimes I make lists of things to accomplish after they are done, just so I can mark them off and visually see what I've been able to complete. We do this at work too, since we are cool like that. Ha! Today has been a very productive day and I feel fabulous about it. The past couple of weeks have been trying, but I have survived and I was able to celebrate by having a productive day. On my day off I was up at 7 (not on purpose, trust me. I love my sleep even more than being productive. Sometimes.) and had showered, been to the grocery store and bank and back home by 9:30. I had great plans to go to Cardio Dance at the gym at 11, so I ate an egg sandwich and got all ready to head out, only to discover that Charlotte wasn't teaching today, so I nixed that. Then off to get my shopping done. Ulta, New York and Company, and JC Penney. Home by 1. My list is completed and I still have half of the day left. Don't be deceived and think that I am completely out of things to do. If you know me, you know that simply will never happen, by choice. So, now I'm on to the normal things I do on a typical Saturday - mainly getting ready for church tomorrow and all that involves. And dishes and laundry. Is it just me, or do these just seem to never end? Relative to some of you, I know that we have fewer dishes and laundry since there are just two of us. What's the point of making the bed or doing the dishes or laundry? I mean they are just going to get dirty again, right? And yet, because I like a made bed and I need clean clothes to wear and dishes to eat on, and I know they won't clean themselves, off to dishes and laundry I go.

Adopting God's Kids

So I know that some of you keep up with our adoption process via this blog, so I thought I'd give a little update. Actually, nothing new has happened since the last update that is even blog-worthy. We keep getting information and kids and submitting our home-study but are yet to hear anything back from anyone. We have "put our application in" for lack of better terms 4 times. Sometimes you hear something, sometimes you don't, so we are just here waiting. Sometimes we forget that God is concerned with the details, so I remind myself that he is working the timing out for our adoption perfectly with our schedules (which can be a little much at times). See, his will is not just that we adopt, but that we adopt the kids he picked for us before the creation of the world at the perfect time he planned before we even existed. I love planning, so I can appreciate that God is working out all the little details so everything is perfectly according to his divine plan. I haven't had time to really think about the waiting, so time is just flying for me. I just finished (well, almost finished) our crazy month of year end payroll deadlines. And before that was the holidays. So, we are definitely staying busy for the most part. Starting in January, I am no longer helping with children's church, but I have taken over coordinating our Wednesday night girls groups at church called Missionettes. I've had a lot of help this month (thanks, LeAnn!) but things seem to be going smoothly for that. Everything is pretty much been planned out the same as prior years, so its not like starting from nothing and creating a system. Most things are already in place and I am just carrying it through and making sure it all gets done and organized. I've been slowly but surely going through things in our house and getting them ready for a yard sale we are having at the church in April. I figure whatever I can get rid of now I won't have to later, and adding kids and their things to my house will be easier and not seem so unmanageable. Getting rid of stuff we don't need or use feels so good. You should try it sometime, really! We did buy a new kitchen table and chairs/bench over the holidays that seats 6 or 7 for our family, so we can accommodate our kids for meals together in the kitchen. At this point we can't really buy anything else because the furniture we need is very dependent on what age kids we get. It could be a crib or it could be twin beds, so we are just waiting to see before we go spending unnecessary money. I secretly think I have been driving to lunch at work because they know that as soon as we get our kids, there won't be room in my car. Shannon, my coworker, told me to buy car seats and put them in my car so I could get out of that already. Ha! Life as we know it will definitely change when that time comes. On a totally separate note, I have problems blogging about things sometimes because I know that one of the girls in my Sunday School class reads this pretty regularly. Often when God shows me something, it becomes the subject of my Sunday School lesson, so I try and wait until after class to blog about it, but after the lesson is shared, the urgency to share is gone, and I feel like I'm being redundant. Does that even make sense? All of that to say, when there is a real adoption update, trust me that it'll be posted here. But for now, we are praying and submitting and waiting for God's will, whatever that is. So if you want to, pray for God's will for us in this whole adoption journey. We know that God is faithful, always!

Grace Vs Law

As Christians we hear many sermons, Bible studies, discussions about God's grace and mercy. Grace - getting more than you deserve. Mercy - Not getting the punishment you deserve for your sin. Grace and mercy are a big part of serving God because we couldn't even come to him if it weren't for his grace. We don't deserve to approach him. We don't deserve to be a part of his family. Quite frankly, we don't deserve anything that God provides for us, but his grace covers us. God's grace truly is amazing, but somewhere we have come to believe that God's grace is an excuse to do what is comfortable for us and what comes easy. You speak what you know and you live what you believe, so even if you'd never admit it to yourself or others, our actions say something else. Somewhere, God's law has become second to his grace. We don't hear lessons on the Ten Commandments or the requirements we have as a part of our relationship with God. We have turned our nose up at legalism and rules and have decided that we will preach the nice, warm, fuzzy parts of the Bible and overlook the ones that make us less comfortable. And we forget that just as we expect God to provide for us and love us, he expects us to obey his law. The Old Testament talks a lot about the covenant relationship we have with God. And whether you want to see it or not, this covenant, like any other, has conditions. I'm not trying to say that we have to be perfect because I know we are imperfect people, but maybe, just maybe, we should revisit what it is that God is requiring of us. To many of us, the Ten Commandments seem like common sense. You know you shouldn't steal or kill or lie, but what about the one that says don't take God's name in vain? Everywhere I go the air is filled with God's name over and over, in vain, just like another curse word. It is so common that there is even a shortened way to take God's name in vain. We type OMG as fast as any other word and give it no second thought. I don't expect the world to live to God's standard but God's people should know better. God's grace doesn't make it okay to disobey his law. And my heart hurts for God. In the Old Testament, God's name was so holy, so revered, His people wouldn't say His name aloud. It was sacred and special. But we've made his name an expression of frustration or anger and not given him the due respect. We've replaced God's law with his grace and mercy instead of allowing both to live in unity as God intended. We have ignored the Holy Spirit, who convicts our hearts of sin, for so long, he doesn't even bother any more. As if we don't need to concern ourselves with our actions, but just count on God's grace and mercy to cover us. We've made God human and forgotten that he is God and he cannot stand our wickedness. Our sin hurts him and we are too busy or too comfortable to even notice. Yes, God loves us, and yes, he forgives, and yes, his grace and mercy cover us. But that is not license to live as you please and do what is your habit and what is normal. God, forgive us for making you one of us and not the awesome, holy God that you are. Forgive us for making you common and familiar.

New Year=New Opportunities

On New Year's Eve, BJ and I went to a short church service at RLC before coming home, and BJ going to bed. He had to work on New Years Day, so staying up to ring in the year was out of the question. I did stay up and watch The Sound of Music, one of my favorite movies/musicals of all time. I really enjoy being by myself. Not that I don't love people or love spending time with my hubby, but when I'm by myself I just get to decompress. Ok, back on topic. At the NYE service Sis. Edna shared a verse from Revelation 3:7:

"What He opens no one can shut, and what He shuts no one can open."

I haven't really given the verse second thought until today. I am believing God for a lot this year. This verse has reminded me that God is the one who is in charge of the opportunities laid before me. So, I trust him to lead me by opening and closing doors according to his plan. I am believing for a year of new opportunities to do things I haven't done before. I am not satisfied being the same me for 2011. I want God's heart and God's plans for me and I expect him to do GREAT things beyond what I can even imagine. Even in just these few days, I have seen God's hand at work. I know that he is changing me everyday and getting me ready for whatever this year may hold. I know that it is all in his hands and he will lead us. Speaking of opportunities, just today B.J. has gotten two new websites to create for clients. God just knows what he is doing. We don't see the whole picture but he does and what he sees is good.

Bad Blogger Award

I am awarding myself with the first ever "Bad Blogger Award." Not because my blog is bad or that I am a bad person blogging, but because I have been bad at posting blogs on a regular basis. I know what it is like to check blogs for updates and get nothing. I know what it is like to be bored out of your mind, hoping, praying, that someone will post something, anything worthy of wasting a few minutes to read. I'm sorry, really I am. I know you have heard it all before and there is really no excuse except that life often gets in the way. And work hasn't even been busy and we don't even have any kids...yeah, there is absolutely no good reason. And so, if you have humored me by reading through this first paragraph, you should know that this will be really random, just because it can be. And just because random is my middle name, you know, right after Kay. (I have two middle names) And because sometimes it is fun to say random things that run through my mind with no purpose just to see what kind of reaction you will get. Really I should carry a camera to capture the expressions received as a result of utterly pure randomness. That is a thought. Christmas has come and gone. As is usual, I put up the Christmas lights and decorations inside myself. Some people say I should get B.J. to help, and sometimes I think that would be a great idea. And other times I realize I really do like doing things myself. I get some sort of satisfaction or pride in doing things myself. So this year, we have two trees in our living room. I love them both. One is random homemade ornaments and ornaments from vacations, yearly ornaments, etc and the other is red white and green. I love it. I bought the second tree this year and it is a 9 foot tall skinny tree. love. it. While I was putting everything out and as I continue to look around at the Christmas decor, I can't help but think that next Christmas, I'll have children in my house and traditions to be started. Maybe they'll love decorating as much as I do. And as long as I can do my one pretty tree my way, I am okay to give control of the other decorations over to whomever will help. Kids make Christmas more memorable. I love Christmas decorations. I don't know what you think, but since it takes me a day and a half to put the decorations up, I don't want to take them down the second Christmas is over. I am thinking I'll take everything down just after B.J.'s B-day (which is the 6th). The decorations will be up a total of about 6 weeks. I like it. They make me smile and anyone who knows me, knows if leaving decorations up will make me smile more, then leave them up we shall. I tend to be too serious about life and must get over that. We have submitted our home study for a couple of groups of kids. If you've talked to me, you know more of the details about the kids. For now, what you need to know is that we are submitting our home study for kids that meet our original preferences, and trying to move on to the next kids. We have probably received info on 150 kids or so in the past 2 months. For some regions in Texas, we will know when a decision has been made, and for some regions we won't. The kids' case worker narrows down the selection pool to a few families based on what they think is the best fit for the kids and families. Then our "case worker" goes to a meeting with the kids case worker and advocates for us. For this meeting, where we will not be present, I am working on a photo book for our representative to take with her. I should get it mostly done tomorrow or next week hopefully. So we are waiting and praying and moving forward, one day at a time. Waiting for God's will and praying that God matches the right families with all these kids need forever families. It is quite overwhelming, but God is able to do so much more than we could even begin to understand. I am going to be an aunt in August! My sister and her husband are expecting and we are very excited for them. I'm sure its going to be hard for her being pregnant and living in Chicago away from all of her family, but they'll be fine. So it looks like next Christmas will be full of new traditions and our Christmas activities will change simply by the addition of one or more children into our family. And the fun begins! For Christmas I got a Kindle and I love it. It fits so nicely in my purse and is so much smaller than the typical book I read. I am reading a Ted Dekker book right now and it is just so nice. I also got a Cricut, which I have played with a little and love as well. I will be using it for my photo books I'm going to try and do tomorrow. Love. it. Jill and Sam were here for a couple of weeks and this morning they and my parents headed to Omaha for my mom's family's Christmas this weekend. This will be the second year we haven't been able to go because it is basically impossible for BJ to get off that weekend. I am praying this gets worked out someway so we can go next year, especially if we have kids by then. I'll fight a little harder for our kids than just for us to find someway to at least see my grandparents, even if it isn't when everyone else is there. Payroll is coming and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for long weeks again. It is so hard to go from having nothing to do to having SOOOOO MUCH to do. But we always make it. This first week of January is still pretty slow, so we are using the time to do some training and planning for the year. And then the three week tornado hits and then we get a break. Its the nature of this business, so you'd think I'd be prepared every year, but I still have to get myself pumped up for it. This year I am off the week between Christmas and New Years and its been nice to spend some time with my sister while she was here. I have also gotten some cleaning done and just odd jobs around the house at least started. Yesterday we ordered a new kitchen table and chairs for our eat-in kitchen. We are trying to prepare our house that is so used to having 2 people for a family so when we get the kid(s) the only thing we have to plan is their rooms. I love to plan and have goals, but for me, yearly goals are just too long and too hard to attain. And I tend to be overambitious with my goals, so they are never really reachable. And like most Americans, a few days or weeks into the new year, we fail. And we give up. So I don't think I'll make any new years resolutions this year. I anticipate the upcoming year will bring a lot of life changes for us, and I am so ready for some changes. As ready as I can be with so much being in limbo. So as we go into a new year, let me leave you with a verse that has really spoken to me and I hope will encourage, strengthen you.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

Come Home

God speaks all the time to us, but do we really listen to him? God has been bringing people to mind lately that I haven't spoken to or thought about for some time. And when he does this, I have learned to stop what I'm doing and pray for them or send them an encouraging e-mail or note. Because God always has a purpose for doing things. So he knows where they are and what they need and for whatever reason, that day he chooses to use me. And I am honored. So almost every day on the way home from work I have heard this song on the radio. And I think of people who used to serve God, who grew up in church, and have since made decisions that have led them away, to live life as they please and in the process they got lost. And they feel like its been too long and they've done too much. And they aren't sure where to start on their journey back home. And I am reminded that God's compassion and love for them never changed. He still loves them as if they never left and He is waiting for them with open arms. It's never too late. My heart hurts for them. I just want to find them and hug them and tell them they can come back. I am reminded it is a decision they must make for themselves. So I pray for God to open their hearts to feel his love again. That they will realize it may be hard to come back, but it is worth it. Coming back to God isn't like returning to a parent who hurt you in that the wound gets reopened and festers again. As far as God is concerned, if you are ready to come back, he is ready to forgive and move forward. You don't have to make it right or earn the forgiveness, but he is offering it, no strings attached, if you'll just come back. And he already loves you more than you could ever know.

For I Know the Plans I Have For You...

Jeremiah 29:11 has become a pivotal verse for me in the past few years. Knowing God has a plan that is for my good and is better than my plan helps me to trust more, to lean more, and to let go of my plans more. And yet, we all have thoughts about what we think God's plan for us will look like. We speculate and we hope we know what the plan looks like for us. So when we see someone around us living out what we think is God's plan for us, we get mad. We get jealous. We get disappointed. We get angry. We don't understand, and we never will. Because God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are higher than ours. Today a friend reminded me that God's plan for me is special. It's not like his plan for the people around me, but it is just for me. That statement gave me hope. It's hard to trust God when there is nothing concrete to hold on to. And yet I see his hand at work in my life. He is leading me one step at a time, giving me guidance, day by day. It is my personality to compare myself to others and to compare God's plan for me with his plan for others. Why is everything so easy for everyone else, but I have to struggle? Why do I have to go through so many more valleys before I reach the mountaintop? And I am reminded that I am not them and they are not me. In the same way, God's plan for each of us is unique and special. And all his plans are for our good.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. " Jeremiah 29:11 The Message