Another Year

Each year I try to look back and think about what all has happened in those last 365 days. I don't usually write blogs or share all those thoughts (I don't think), but this year I think it's worth documenting.

Let me start out by saying the older you get the less significant each birthday becomes. Maybe that's why my previous years of reflection haven't been blog worthy. And why I didn't even remember it was my birthday until I got on facebook this morning. Or maybe we can blame that on too much going on right now. I mean we will become a family of 7 in less than a month.

I can look back at this past year, and more so even the past months and just see very clearly where God is changing me. I've been serving God for almost 27 years and yet, in this past 6 months, my relationship with God has grown so much. It's really hard to explain in words, but it has just been amazing. He's been speaking to me in new ways and using me for his glory and I just stand amazed at his goodness!

And he's helping me become a better mom for my kiddos who need better. By nature, I'm a perfectionist and that just doesn't work with my kids. I end up being disappointed and angry and spend all our "quality" time griping and complaining while telling them not to do the same. So God has mellowed me out some. I'm learning to pick my battles and help my kids without being so controlling. It's always a work in progress but I feel like I'm actually able to love my kids better, if that even makes any sense.

And I'm so proud of how far they have come. This weekend Haley decided she would start copying my sermon notes during church while I was taking notes to make sure she got everything.  She gives me hugs for no reason and has really seemed to connect with me recently (once I learned to back off a little). And while we were talking about Gage (their biological half brother), Daniel said he was glad that his mom learned to be responsible and make better choices so she could be a good mom for Gage. Such a grown up thing to say for a 10 year old. He is growing into such a kind young man. And Katelynn is becoming so independent. She has learned her multiplication facts over the summer with my mom in advance of her grade level. They are just growing up in front of my eyes.

And there are friendships that God has placed in my life that have just blossomed and strengthened me and encouraged me. People who God has used to speak into me and I into them and it has just changed me. I've never been one to have close friends, but God is changing that too. We don't go out often, if ever, but I can email/call them when I need them and they will offer encouragement and prayers and we hold each other up.

This has probably been the best year of my marriage to BJ yet. Marriage is hard, but he loves me in my craziness and has made my life better. He knows me, he gets me, and we have learned that we are better together than we could ever be apart. He is my leader and my rock and I am so grateful for him, especially in this last year! We've grown closer together by the grace of God.

It's just been a year of new things and changes I would never have pursued necessarily, but it has all been good. I'm really loving this life God has given me and am so grateful for another year. I'm excited to see what God does next!

The God Who Grieves

Last weekend God spoke something very clearly to me. I've been chewing over it and thinking about it since then and decided now was the time to share with you.

As a mom, there are a lot of times when we grieve for our kids. When they make bad choices. When things don't turn out as we wished for them. When they have to struggle with issues we never would have anticipated. When we feel like we are losing them.

Because we want what's best for them. God's best. And when we don't see that happening and feel like things are out of our control, we grieve for what could have been.

And as alone and helpless as we feel sometimes, we are not alone. Because God grieves for them too. As their father, creator, lover. He too wants them to choose life and not death, to follow his ways and see his power in their lives.

But he also sees the end from the beginning. And even as he grieves with you, he is working on their hearts. To change things for his glory.

We have to learn to trust God and cling to him in our grieving. Because he understands and is the only one who can help us and our children in these trials. We are never alone.

2 Days Down

So this week looks like its gonna be a busy one. On the schedule we have the big kids starting daycare (which is just different from the normal), Seth still going to grandparents, dentist appointment for the big kids, Daniel starting 4 day a week football practice, and just throw in Bj being out of town for training, which he has never done before.

The good news is we are already 2 days through and tomorrow is our break day, kinda.

Day 1 of football was so so for Daniel. New things are hard for him so couple that with getting kicked in the shin accidentally with another kids cleated foot, lets just say it wasn't a great first impression on him. He is pretty hard on himself, so he was disappointed to not be a superstar on day 1.

I just kept encouraging him and telling him day 2 would be better and it was. When I picked him up today he had a smile on his face and said, "I think I'm gonna like playing football." I'm really hoping he'll learn teamwork and to work hard for something and achieve it, finding satisfaction in that. I want all my kids to be self-motivated,  but if you never push yourself to do something hard and see it happen, you don't ever learn that.

So far at daycare, the kids have been to the park, roller skating and tomorrow is laser tag for Katelynn and skating for the other two. Friday they go to Cowboys Stadium. I really love that they are able to do fun things in the summer with summer camps at daycare. They really enjoy it so I'm glad we can let them go to daycare for a few weeks each summer.

Bj is at interrogation training for work. He is learning how to ask questions without being leading and to interpret answers to find people in their lies and get to the truth. In case you didn't know he is an asset protection manager and basically is in charge of investigating suspect behavior from his employees and then helping with interviews so that theft/misappropriation can be documented and dealt with from the legal side. It's very interesting stuff and he's really enjoying it.

After this training/certification he can conduct the interviews instead of assisting the interviews. Yeah he is totally happy to be the assistant, but it'll be good for him to be pushed out of his comfort zone. God has a way of pushing us farther than we ever thought we could/would go and using that not only to advance us in our physical lives (like in his job) but also to translate that for His purposes.

He's Got You

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge, and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.
~Ecclesiastes 2:26

This week during my devotions, I read this verse and it resonated with me. You know if you weren't raised in church and you are choosing to come from a mostly comfortable lifestyle to one that requires sacrifice, physically and spiritually, it can be a difficult decision. I think even if we are able to rely on God emotionally and spiritually, it can be a leap to rely on God financially. Because God is spiritual and finances are physical, tangible.

And when we struggle that way, we look and see all the people who aren't serving God who have no financial struggles. And it doesn't seem fair. We may be tempted even for a moment to give up on God and do things the normal way. Not tithing, being greedy or selfish instead of giving and generous and take care of our own using our own ways.

And then there are verses like this one that remind us that God takes care of our financial needs even by allowing the unbeliever to earn wealth for our benefit.  I like the idea of God using the wealth of those who have selfishly earned it for us who have chosen his way, even though it isn't the natural/normal way.

So no matter the need, God's got it under control! I used to have a college professor who would pray that God would sell one of his cattle on a thousand hills to provide for financial needs. Always made me giggle, but its true that God's resources are limitless.

On a kind of related note, if God asks you to help someone financially, do it. We've been in that situation multiple times and God has always rewarded our obedience and always taken care of us. How awesome it is to be God's hand extended. The very one God uses to prove his faithfulness to other believers going through tough times.

Boys, Boys Everywhere!!

Tonight I taught the boys class at church. Let me be honest: I really didn't want to do it, but just like any other challenge, tell me I can't and watch me at least give it my best shot (So I'm a little more determined and competitive than many).

I have heard horror stories about this group of rowdy boys. About how wound up and out of control they are. So my plan going on was to purpose build in a game or some other activity that would allow them to move but still be reinforcing the lesson in some way. I also wanted to give them a tactile way to reinforce the lesson while I taught it.

By the way they are also used to about 15 minutes of lesson and then 45 minutes of playing outside. Yeah, that wasn't going to fly with me so i knew I had their expectation of "normal" to fight against.

I taught about 1 Timothy 4:12 about them being an example to others around them. The verse lends itself to challenging the boys to step up and be leaders.

Overall, I think it went pretty well. They were mostly engaged and participated and I think they learned something, or I pray they did. Yes, there were a kid or two who started asking when church was over (only 20 minutes in) and a few off topic conversations I had to redirect, but I think it went pretty well.

The looks on their faces when I told them to stop whatever or be quiet was pretty funny. Some of them are just used to getting their way and I guess they didn't expect me to maintain control. No, I don't want to teach them each week, but now I know I can handle it.

Feels pretty good to accomplish something new.

33W6D

How Far Along: 33 Weeks 6 Days
Size of the Baby: About 18 inches long, and 4 3/4 lbs, the size of a cantaloupe.
Total Weight Gain/Loss:14 pounds gained total, but I feel like a whale. Dr W is so proud of me. He says he wishes all of his patients would gain so little. It'd make his job easier. The thing is, Julia will gain her weight, and normal hormonal cravings, without going crazy, will take care of the extra calories baby needs. I looked back at my posts with Seth and the last time I updated (I think like a week before he was born) I had gained 19 pounds, so I guess I'm on goal to do about the same.
Maternity Clothes: Yes. I am so ready for normal clothes. I refuse to buy anything else for the remaining 6 weeks or less, so I just have to make do with what I have. I am feeling really huge and some of my blouse shirts that are not stretchy are getting really tight about my belly.
Gender:Girl~ Julia Renee.
Movement: All the time.She moves more in the evening than the morning, but I think maybe I'm just still enough to notice her moving more. My life as wife and mom to 4 kids doesn't slow down for anything or anyone, so yeah, I'm pretty busy.
What I Miss Most: Getting up and down with ease, flexibility, sleeping on my belly.
Cravings: None really. Been pretty careful with my eating and feeling overfull has helped.
Symptoms: sore breasts, tiredness, feeling tight in my stomach, shortness of breath, getting sore from being in one position too long, just feeling pregnant.
Best Moment of the week: Compliments from Dr W about my weight and feeling like I can eat whatever I want (because I'm eating so little at a time) and not worry about gaining weight. Also, I have one more 2 week appointment and then we go to once a week. Next appointment I have my Group B Strep test and I'll start getting checked for cervix dilation and effacement. This pregnancy is soon coming to an end.

Between now and the next appointment, I have two baby showers scheduled. I'm excited to see friends I don't see so often. It's really not about the gifts for me, although I am very appreciative of them and I do love to see girlie clothes since I'm not used to that. I just like getting together with old friends.

Speaking of old friends (not friends that are old, friends I've known for a while) one of my friends from my high school years is coming to see me in about 4 weeks from Virginia. She was one of my youth pastors and we have just staying in touch over the years. I'm excited to see her and catch up.

There is a lot to do in the next 6 weeks, some for Julia, some for the Missionettes (girls group at church I'm in charge of),  some to get the kids ready for school, and some for football (which Daniel starts next week and we are basically done with). That doesn't even count getting things wrapped up at work so I can be off with Julia. But I'm trying to just take it one day at a time and get done what i can when I can. It will all get done, it always does, and if it doesn't we make do.

Trusting the Source

When life gets hairy and we don't know how we are going to make it, God is faithful to take care of his own. And we are grateful for the provision. And as time goes on and we get used to the provision of God, we have a tendency to trust in the comfortable circumstances rather than the provider.

We trust in our job to take care of us instead of the one who provided the job.
We trust in the reliable vehicle instead of the source.
We trust in medicine and doctors for our health instead of our Creator and healer.

This morning I was reading about Elijah as God provided for him by commanding ravens to give him food and water from the brook at Cherith. And on purpose, God allowed the brook to dry up and the ravens to stop coming. Not because he was mad at Elijah but because he needed to test where Elijah's trust was. In the ravens and the water or in God, the provider.

When we get comfortable, it's easy to get our eyes focused on the wrong things. Or on things rather than the one. The source.