Obeying God

I am by nature a person who wants explanations and understanding before I act. I don't like to be spontaneous and I don't like to do things that are without purpose, or at least seem that way from my perspective. Yes, I was the "why?" kid when I was growing up. I always needed a reason for everything.

So obeying God, just because he said so, is hard for me. Not impossible, but not something I look forward to either. I know that God knows better than me and his "why" (even if I don't know what it is) is for my good because he sees the big picture and knows the end from the beginning, but that doesn't make it easier on my fleshly man to obey.

I was reading in Jeremiah today and this verse stuck out to me:

Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God. Jeremiah 42:6

Now that, my friend, it total trust in God. Obedience even when our perspective says God is leading us to something that will be unpleasant for us.  Time and time again God has proven to me that he knows what he is doing and still I go kicking and screaming into the things he is asking of me. Just being honest here. 

That is not the person I want to be and yet I find myself in this vicious cycle over and over.

God please use me.

But I don't want to do that.

Can't you ask me to do something that comes naturally for me or something that I want to do like fill in the blank.

God, I'm sorry I didn't obey. 

Please give me a second chance.

Over and over again. 

I am growing in this, but it is still what I struggle with the most I think.

(Besides patience. Yeah, I'm not good with that either especially with my kids. But I am definitely not praying for patience, because I've heard that only brings more trials to help you develop patience. I have plenty of that for now, thank you very much. Now, back to your regularly scheduled topic.)

I know God sees my heart and I really do have good intentions, but I am definitely not there yet. I guess none of us have arrived yet. And that's okay. I just get tired of going around the same mountain again and again. But whatever it takes, God to get me where you want me to be.