Worth the Risk

Tonight I was looking over the past months and how God has changed me. I wrote a post on 05/06/13 about an internal struggle I was going through and thought I should update. Things have definitely changed since then.

I took the risk. To open myself up to a friendship that had previously left me burnt. Hurt. And lonely. (I am not placing blame here. It was both of our faults. We agree on this.)

I had multiple friends discourage me from opening myself up again. Because they had seen the damage done to me. And like good friends, they wanted me to protect myself. Not walk blindly into the fire again. 

But God was prompting me. He was leading me to a path of forgiveness. Openness that would allow past wounds to be healed as only God can.

At first it was awkward. We weren't really friends. Just not enemies or adversaries any more. 

I cautiously began to open the door more and more over time. Becoming a part of that life again. Trying so desperately to not butt in where I wasn't wanted and offer unsolicited advice (one thing I am infamous for. I really am only trying to help, but it often comes off as arrogance or looking down on others. And it is the reason I have been hurt more than once. That and saying what I think, assuming people know that I am not saying their opinions are wrong or even care if we agree. I am totally okay to agree to disagree and we can both be right.  Others don't always take it that way.)

All the while God was healing me. Restoring emotions I had since written off and rebuilding me into the person he created me to be. And it was amazing! I can't really pin point a certain time where things were completely restored, but I do know that I am not the same person any more. 

And I can now call her a friend. Unreservedly. Without hesitation. 

Although it took a while, I am so glad that I took the risk and obeyed God as he was leading and didn't stay where things were safe and comfortable. Because I would have missed so much. And would still be that old me. I don't like her much and don't intend on becoming her again. God's redesign is better. It always is. Because his ways are better than mine.