2014 - The Year I Lose It

Sunday morning at the Fowler household was bad. Really bad. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was done. On the way to church I apologized for overreacting and being frustrated with everyone and everything.  I knew that I blew it. I admitted I messed up and I knew something had to change. I didn't like life the way it was. It wasn't my best and it was doing nothing for my Christian witness in front of my kids. Not a good example for them at all.


But even then God was speaking ever so gently in my ear.

Sandra, you have to give it up.

I really thought I had done so well adapting to life that is less planned and less orderly (in other words life with 4 kids). I was okay with things not being perfect, or so I thought.

Daniel very clearly and sweetly told me what the problem was. My kids didn't know how to please me or how I would respond at any given moment. I would yell at them for not helping and then yell at them for helping but not doing things the "right" way. So I had put myself in the place where I desperately needed help but wouldn't allow myself to be helped at the same time.

Control - I have to be in charge. I have to do everything. I have to be the boss.
Perfectionism - It has to be perfect. All of it. To my standards which I can't even live up to.

And it isn't pretty. At all.

So for 2014, with the help and grace of God, I will lose it all. The control. The perfectionism. The critical attitude. All of it.

Not to say I no longer care or that my life and house will be utter chaos, but I will try to let go, a little more every day, and let my family help me.

So here are my new years resolutions:
1. To ask for help when I need it and not wait until I am overloaded.
2. To not complain about how something is done as long as it is getting done. Most of the time, they just need some direction which leads to the next one.
3. To give clear directions of my expectations which should be attainable depending on who is helping me.
4. To be more compassionate and less critical.
5. To be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry (James 1:19)
6. To respond with a gentle answer. (Proverbs 15:1)
7. To catch my kids doing good and make a point to publicly (in front of the other kids) recognize them for it.
8. To focus on the good things and not the bad things about life in general. Because God is good and life really is good because of the mercy of God when you make yourself see it.
9. To spend more time with God each day.
10. To sing/play piano/play worship music around the house more.

Okay, we'll stop there. This list is pretty tall, but I don't plan to be perfect in all of this in one year, but just to do better, one day at a time. And intentionally strive toward those things. Because I must be the representation of the love of God for my home to be a place of peace for us all.