Next Generation

Today at church, God ministered to some of our teenagers and all I could do was smile.

It started with Brooke speaking in the staff prayer meeting about God having great plans for us all (Jeremiah 29:11). She said that she likes to have all the details and it all planned out, so she is learning to trust that God's plans are good and to know he provides hope she can hold on to even when she can't know and control it all. Yeah, if you know me, I could have written/spoke about the same thing. It just blessed me to see her learning things I've had to learn. We all struggle in different ways, but every once in a while, you find someone you is going through something you've already been through, and you feel connected in a new way and are able to encourage them that God will be faithful to teach them to trust him more.

Then God showed his love to some by giving them freedom from feelings of condemnation and guilt. I remember when I was so hard on myself and never meeting my own expectations. (I still struggle on occasion, but most of the time am able to be free from those feelings.) It's amazing how God can forgive because of his great mercy, but we hold on to unforgiveness for ourselves and live feeling so unworthy. But God once again provided freedom from those feelings. I was so blessed to see God be God and to know that their lives can be so much different. I pray they'll remember who God says they are and stop listening to the lies of the devil.

There are not many things that bless me more than seeing younger generations grow and let God change them for his glory. I feel kinda old saying that. :)

God is so good!!

12w3d

 I am only posting today because I was asked to post more preggo pics, so here you go!

How Far Along: 12Weeks 3 Days
Size of the Baby: About the size of plum, 2.1 inches long a .49 ounces
Total Weight Gain/Loss: None.
Maternity Clothes: Yes. On occasion I can wear a non-maternity top if it's a less fitted style, but pants are limited to either maternity or loose like lounge/pajama pants.
Gender: Don't know yet. I'd like a girl (since I've never had a baby girl to dress up and such) but Seth was such an easy baby (at least partially due to being a no fuss boy) so maybe we need a boy who is less high maintenance than a girl and all her accessories. We do have names picked out (if I don't change my mind) but don't think we'll share until we find out if we are having a boy or a girl.
Movement:I really think I've felt movement, but it hasn't been consistent. Since this is the second time around, I think I'm more aware of what it feels like.
What I Miss Most: Energy. I am easily irritated,  but I'm not sure if that is due to the pregnancy or gearing up for tax season.
Cravings: Nothing too specific. Last week I wanted ranch and salad so I could cover it in ranch dressing. I also bought some veggies to dip in ranch, and then the craving subsided. I may cut up a cucumber to dip in ranch today as it sounds good again. Food cravings come and go pretty quickly. I can eat whatever I want but I tend to steer clear of large portions of meat.
Symptoms:Nausea is gone. If I overeat I am more uncomfortable than before pregnancy in similar situations. I tend to get out of breath easier. I believe this baby/my uterus is up higher this time around and I feel it more in my lungs/rib area.Weirdly enough, I am still able to sleep on my belly. I am pretty sure that by this point with Seth, that was not comfortable at all. I don't think I'm sleeping straight on my belly, maybe turned to the side a little, but on my belly none the less.
Best Moment of the week: Nothing really special since the last post. Pretty much life as normal. Next doctor's appointment is on 03/02 so you'll get another post around that time.

Teaching Freedom in Worship

Yesterday at church, God chose to use one of the teenage boys to minister to others in the congregation. The power of God was on him so strong and whoever wanted prayer was invited to come and he prayed for them. It was so awesome!

Daniel approached me and said he wanted to go up for prayer but was scared. See, my kids have been around the presence of God for the past 3 1/2 years so they know what it looks like to an observer for God to touch someone. Sometimes they fall over, sometimes they laugh uncontrollably, sometimes they dance, sometimes they cry. And I'm sure they've been prayed for at least once or twice in a church setting. But it's all still a little foreign to them. Maybe I blame everything on them not being born to us and not having been here there whole lives when in reality the timidity is just something that every kid deals with at some point. I remember it a little bit, but I was also filled with the holy spirit and spoke in tongues at the age of 6 (I know, it's young and many people can't believe that). At that point (which was only a few months into my "Christian walk") I became a worshiper. I learned to feel God's presence on a daily basis. I learned to not really care what people thought and just to worship. Honestly, at my church, the ones who aren't worshiping, hands lifted, etc, are the ones who look out of place. I remember being scared to lift my hands during worship and I remember feeling like everyone was watching me. But at some point I had to decide whether I cared more about what the people were seeing or what God was seeing. I know you do not have to lift your hands to worship, but I also know that when you do, it helps you focus, or at least it helps me focus on what I am at church for any ways.

So both Haley and Daniel went up for prayer yesterday. Daniel said he would never be scared to go up for prayer again.

Last night when they were all doing there Bible time, I turned some worship music on my phone and gave them a few minutes to pray/worship after they were done reading. And they worshiped and it was nothing like I see at church from them.

I try to encourage my kids to worship at church. Not because it matters what other people think, but because it is a time set aside for just that purpose and it's easier to worship at church then to find time later at home. (Both are good so I'm not saying one replaces the other.) They say they are scared of what people will think. My kids, who are probably the craziest kids on the block, are scared to worship. I guess that just shows that they know church is a place of reverence for God.

This leads me to my real dilemma. How do you teach the difference between worshipping freely and putting on a show so people will look at you? I want my kids to respect and reverence God, but I also want them to feel free to worship but not turn worship into a performance. I think its a fine line even for adults, so I guess I will just show some grace and try to teach by example. Which is really hard to do from the piano with Bj in the sound booth.

And I'll keep praying that my kids will fall more in love with Jesus every day and that worship will overflow out of their hearts. That they'll be comfortable to worship and loving Jesus will be worth the risk of embarrassment.

Learning to Listen

I've been on a spiritual journey lately. (I suppose we are always learning and growing.). For me, I tend to focus myself more to see what God is saying when I have an upcoming ministry engagement. I am preaching next on March 1st in the 2pm service at my home church. I never can know what God is going to speak through me and he usually changes it last minute just to see if I am listening.

But this time has been different. I have a primary piece of scripture that I am going to speak from (or at least I think so at this point.) I have been reading the passage over every few days and God has been showing me new things each time. So much so that I now feel like I know where he is leading.

It always amazes me how God speaks through his word.

I pride myself in knowing a lot of scripture and it is actually one of the main reasons I believe I've been able to stand through some difficult situations. To God be the glory! It just excites me when I can read through a passage of scripture and God can show me something totally new. In my finite mind I reason that eventually I would get it all, there would be nothing new left to learn. But God is so infinite and so big we will never fully understand everything he wants us to know.

So I. am really excited about sharing what God has been speaking! I really believe it will be life changing!

On another note, I have a dear friend, Sabrina, whose husband, Paul, is in ICU after some surgery complications. If you would take a moment to pray for his lungs to heal, I'm sure she would appreciate it. They have 3 small children and a teenage daughter, so as a mom, my heart goes out to them. I also know that nothing is impossible with God and prayer is powerful.

Here we go again!

Strong Enough

Today on the way home from work, I was listening to my Hymns CD, which has become one of my favorites. The verses of Jesus Paid it All really spoke to me.

I heard the Savior say, " Your strength indeed in small.
Child of weakness watch and pray. Find in me your all in all."

So some days I feel like I am just not strong enough to handle it all. Being a wife. A mother to 4. A good employee. And a baby growing machine. I am not at all complaining about the blessings of God but just being real here. It can be overwhelming at times.

And that is okay. Our flesh wants to be strong and gets all defensive when we are described as weak. But only in our weakness is His strength perfected in us.

I am weak. We are all weak. But we can find the strength we need in the shadow of His wings. In him we are made complete.

The presence of God was so real in my car as I was singing this song. I just couldn't stop praising him for being my strength through whatever comes my way.

Just like Daniel had strength to pray in the middle of the hungry lions.

Just like Elijah had strength to call out to God when he was faced with the challenge at Mount Carmel against the prophets of Baal.

Just like Esther had the strength to stand up for God's people even if it meant her own life.

Just like He provided strength to me as my family quickly grew and I became instant mom to 3 kids.

Just like when I've had to fight for Haley and endure her learning disability diagnosis and whatever that includes.

Just like when I've had to help Daniel with an anxiety disorder.

He has not failed me yet and this will not be the exception in my life. God is faithful and he will strengthen me to do whatever he has placed in my lap to handle.

On another note, I am scheduled to preach again on March 1st, and God is big enough for that too.

9w5d - Doctor's Appointment

The first doctor's appointment can be a little scary. I am so grateful that my mom has never been a worrier and didn't teach me to be that way. I tend to expect the best and not worry or what if something to death. When bad news comes, and it does sometimes, I grieve and I cry, but I really try not to waste time before hand borrowing that trouble.

After the normal questions, Dr. Wiegman got out his doplar to listen for a heart beat. He had warned me in advance that at this stage sometimes they are able to hear a heartbeat and sometimes they can't. It may or may not mean anything but just may be too early to find. Well he was able to find the baby's heartbeat pretty quickly from my perspective. It is just the most amazing sound.  The heart rate was 160 and he immediately said its a girl, which he followed up with how silly all the old wives tales are. Depending on where you look, each symptom leans to both a boy and a girl. I don't believe any of that stuff anyways.

It's nice to finally get some confirmation that we are pregnant besides the home pregnancy test and the way I've been feeling.

He thinks since he had no problem finding the heartbeat that I may be further along than my last menstrual cycle date would indicate. I would be happy with that since I'm hoping for an August birthday so the littles can be only 2 grades apart instead of three.

Back to the gender issue, I do know that I feel bigger up in my ribs than before. Seth was really low or that's where I felt the most discomfort when I was pregnant with him. I don't know if that difference means boy or girl, but I'll be happy with healthy.

I went and got my blood work done and have a sonogram scheduled for Wednesday. I'm ready to silence all of these twin talkers (mainly my father in law) with a sonogram that shows there is only one baby. But I guess we will all have to wait and see how that turns out.

Sweet Conversations

Today between services, I was blessed to be a part of a conversation with a sweet lady from our church. She is an older lady with grown kids who I really look up to and see as a spiritual mother/grandmother in many ways.  We've never really spoken much over the years, but I know she's been through the test of time and has stayed faithful to God, and I admire that.

As Sister Perez and I passed each other in the hallway, she took a moment to ask me how I was doing. I shared with her some of the daily struggles of being a mom and we were able to connect and share stories. I have learned to value her wisdom. One of the things she said today that stuck with me is that even if your kids don't take your advice or choose to do things in the way you want them to, they will never forget what you said. What I took from that is that even if it feels your unsolicited and unwanted "help" is a waste, give it anyways (especially if you are encouraging your kids in the things of God).  Don't give up helping your kids because God put you there to lead them. Even if they don't seem to follow, keep leading and directing anyways. 

It was nice to get a little encouragement. I generally feel hopeful about my kids, even though life isn't always peachy. I've  learned to trust God and that my worrying won't change anything for the better, but will ruin my day and attitude.

On a side note, I love the way Sister Perez dresses. She isn't super trendy, but is classic and always looks put together and appropriate. I hope I dress as nice as her when I get older.

Tomorrow is my first baby doctor appointment, so I'm sure I'll update you all tomorrow evening. Sometimes I wake up and still can't believe we are pregnant again! Squeal!!