The Right Choice

Well I am almost two weeks into my new normal of part time work and being available more in the evenings for homework help and mom duties. The first week back to work was not good. In 2 days, I dealt with 4 school behavior issues. You know it's bad when you are on the phone with the vice principle talking about two different issues with two different kids. Definitely not one of my proudest parenting moments. (On a side note, I have learned that kids who make bad choices are not always the result of bad or uninvolved parents. You can only do/teach/say so much. Kids have to make their own choices.)

By the end of week one, however, I started seeing some changes for the better. They are making better decisions and becoming more self motivated to do well.  My kids fluctuate from not caring (or acting like they don't) to setting lofty goals that aren't realistic and setting themselves up for failure and disappointment. So we are learning that doing well at school is more like a marathon than a sprint. They are doing better at continuing to put forth effort, asking for help, and letting me help them.

And God is providing our needs financially. Where I didn't expect a paycheck until November 9th, I met some production goals in my absence and got a $4000 bonus.

So I'm seeing that this was the right choice for us. That God led us to this place and he is taking care of us like he promised.

Back At It Again

Today I got the opportunity to preach at my home church again. Since about half way through the pregnancy, I've been taking a break from this kind of ministry. I can't imagine why anyone would think I was exhausted or needed a bit of a break (Ha!Ha!).

Like most other times, I felt a little unprepared to share God's word. I do all that I can to prepare as far as studying but God requires that I depend on him, and I think that feeling a little unsure is God's way of making sure that happens.

Since God has started opening these doors, there is one thing I have prayed and desired more than anything. That God would confirm His word with signs following. (Mark 16:20) And today he did just that. Praise God!!  There is nothing better than God saying "Good job! You did exactly what I asked!" by choosing to use the word he spoke through you to touch others in a very visible way.

Back to preaching today and back to work tomorrow. I'm ready to get back to my new normal.

New Season

It's a new season. It's a new day.
A fresh anointing coming my way.
A season of power and prosperity.
It's a new season coming to me.

As I've alluded to in some previous posts, I've felt like God was preparing me for some new things in my life on multiple fronts but wasn't really sure what was coming. I guess we never really know what God is preparing us for until the doors open and we walk through it.

For a while I have been stretched a little thin between my parenting/family responsibilities, church responsibilities, and work responsibilities. But I was so used to working in those situations and getting things done, I just felt like this was my life. And I was okay with it and felt like I was doing pretty well on most fronts. Of course I'd have my moments when I'd break down, but I would recover and keep on trucking.

But God has been expanding my mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity. In the past, I was more than happy to be a team player and work whatever it took so that all things were being covered both at church and work. No one had begged me to help, but I also didn't see anyone stepping up to take on what was doing and to make sure things were taken care of well, I did them. I wasn't bitter or mad, but it definitely  took more out of me than I realized.

Well since Julia was born, I've stepped back on Wednesday night and really feel that my girls are being taken care of well. It has allowed me to breathe a little and be able to sit in the Bible Study and learn. I expected to pick that back up after things got settled, but that has been postponed indefinitely as Melanie has offered to teach until further notice.

This week I was given an opportunity to reduce my work hours to 30 a week (of course at a price) so I can better take care of my family and other priorities. The past 7 weeks I have really gotten in a groove with taking care of my kids and really feel good about how they are doing at school. I've been a little worried about how I would maintain what we have going when I return to work. After prayer and discussing with Bj, I've decided this opportunity is what I need to be able to do what is best for my family. This will allow me to drop off and pick up the kids in school every day and cook dinner and handle evening time without nearly as much stress as before.

In our deliberation, God reminded me of something I said sometime after we became parents. "If money wasn't an option, I'd take my kids to and from school and work during the day while they are at school." Well last fall Bj got a new job (that he wasn't really looking for) that has allowed me to reduce my hours and pay first, down to 35 hours and now down to 30 hours. Wow! What an awesome God I serve! He sees me and knows me and has given me the desires of my heart. To be a mom and be available to my kids to help them with God's strength and without as much outside pressure from my job.

I feel like God is freeing up my emotional and mental stress for something else he's about to drop in my lap. He could just be allowing me to be more fully invested in my kids or take a mental break for a while. Whatever it is, it will be new to me. I'm excited to see what happens next!

I Didn't Even Cry

The past two days, I have gone to three different teacher meetings. This are standard meetings in MISD for all students. Katelynn and Daniel's went pretty much as planned. Haley's meetings always make me nervous. I feel like I have a good idea of what is going on based on what she tells me and usually leave crying from what she didn't tell me. Maybe it's so emotional because I try every year to be hopeful and leave the meeting disappointed. In my ability to help her. In her ability to take help and let it move her forward. Feeling hopeless.

But by the time I left her meeting today, I felt really proud of her. I feel like her teachers and I have a common understanding and I'm really hopeful to see her growth this year. In the past week I feel like Haley and I have reached an understanding and she's trying, at least for now, to be open with me and stop trying to hide things from me. And by herself, without grade adjustment because she is labeled special ed, she passed all her classes the first 6 weeks. I praying things only go up from here.

The teachers said great things about her behavior, and they all really enjoy having her as a student. She tried to push some boundaries at first but has settled in and generally does what she should. They had a lot of positive things to say about her and I'm really proud of her maturity.

I really feel like she'll be able to keep doing better and be successful in school this year and in the future. Praise God!! There have been a lot of prayers for my sweet girl and I'm glad to see improvements on all fronts!

Provider

I very rarely talk about finances and especially not on this blog. It's just kind of a private thing people either don't talk about because they aren't good with money or they are and feel guilty about it because other people around them are having a hard time. We fall in the latter category mostly (depending on what group of friends we are around).

We have just always been faithful tithers and have been able to have extra money to give to others as God leads or we are able.

When we started planning to expand our family, I immediately started looking at how much it would cost to have Julia. Not living cost, but just her actual delivery and hospital stay. We have a high deductible health insurance plan and our family deductible is $5,000 before they cover 80%. Shortly before we were pregnant, we found out that our insurance was dropping the only hospital my doctor delivers at, so we decided to self pay (which is cheaper than running through insurance with a $15,000 out of network deductible). So we got pregnant knowing we would be using savings to pay for the baby. Praise God we had savings to cover it all!

Long story short, we have paid about $7,000 (doctor, hospital, etc) so far not including the epidural. We got the bill for $3800 for the epidural without insurance. Most of the doctors/services have been on our insurance, but not the hospital itself. I called to provide insurance info and should get another bill in 45 days. Yes, we have the money to cover the costs, but I don't want to deplete our savings, and it makes me nervous! I have been praying (kinda secretively) that God would just keep giving us favor and taking care of us and that I wouldn't worry about it. I won't get another pay check until November 9th, so our savings, the short term disability payment received, and Bjs checks have to be enough to cover us in the mean time.

Today I went to my doctor for my 6 week check up. I paid him $2,200 in May for the delivery and haven't really thought about it since then. I intentionally spread out the payments, knowing I wouldn't have normal income after the birth. This is about what I paid him to deliver Seth a few years back. Before I left, he told me they owed me some money because of something with the insurance and more being applied to my deductible . I was thinking some small amount like $100. The check was for almost $2,000!

Right there in the doctors office I found myself saying "Praise God!"

Sometimes I wonder if God will help me when my need isn't as big as someone else's. Not as dire or necessary. After all, we do have money to cover all these expenses, so we don't NEED his provision as much as someone living paycheck to paycheck. And yet, I know better than to doubt him. As we are faithful, he will continue to be faithful to us!

I'm so thankful for how God takes care of his own!

Marriage and Kids

Marriage is hard. Much harder than any unmarried person will ever understand. It can be even harder with kids if you aren't careful.

Things for us have never been conventional. The whole adoption process including many parenting and what to expect classes actually really helped our marriage. They made us discuss things and we decided to be a solid unified front. In preparation for kids, we were forced to share goals and dreams for them and how our family would look. It unified us.

Before kids, we could very easily be two adults, living separate lives and sharing a house. (Before marriage or even the thought of it, we already knew we agreed on the bigger issues, so I'm talking more about the day to day.) We could very easily get up, go to work, come home, spend the evening on our phones and then retreat to bed (especially since I tend to be a night owl and he a morning person).

I am not denying the fact that life with kids is more difficult than life without, but it has at least made us discuss things together as it relates to them. Now, we could still not take time to work on us, but at least we were going to talk about them and make decisions as a team about them.

After we had Seth, our marriage went through a rough patch, as I'm sure most marriages do. I was tired, dealing with a whole new set of stressors including getting a feeding/sleeping schedule for a new born and I felt like he was not involved and couldn't be. I chose to exclusively breast feed until Seth could have cow's milk, which again isolated us. His territory was the big kids and mine was Seth. Some of that is natural for new moms, but we didn't make time to connect for our marriage. And I won't even discuss the physical side of our marriage, but that was a big part of our issues at that time stemming from before we had kids.

At some point, we both realized that the marriage we were living was not the marriage we wanted. And we both looked for answers. I have to give Bj a lot of credit. I totally believe it was a God thing, but in this one area of our lives he chose to not be passive. We started having serious discussions about what was broken and needed fixing and what steps needed to be taken to do that. God led us to some good resources and we have since been able to enrich our marriage to a relationship I only dreamed about in the earlier years.

All that to say, after Julia's birth, it has been totally different. I have since realized that where I felt like the kids were adjusted when we had Seth, his birth and the subsequent adjustments compounded on what we were already dealing with/working to figure out for our family. Or maybe I am different. Yes, God has changed me as a mom, as a wife, as a person. (Goodness, if God can change stubborn, type A personality, selfish me, he can change anyone!)

I no longer look on from the outside wishing my marriage was as good as the next person. I don't resent my children or wish to be more like someone else who I was convinced could juggle the life God has chosen for me with better success.

Things are far from perfect, but I am starting to believe that God has and will provide the strength I need, one day at a time, if I'll let him. I guess I should point out that all this self reflection is coming at a time where I am not back to work yet. I'm sure when we through that back in the mix my stress levels will rise, but even in that I can choose to let God lead me and not get so overwhelmed. I have a great husband and awesome kids. I want to look back some day and smile at this life I've chosen for me and how in general I lived it, enjoying the moments, being gracious and thankful instead of disappointed and angry. Choosing for my home to be a place of love and growth and not strife.

On the 14th of this month, we will have survived 4 years of life as parents. I almost can't remember life before then. I've learned to love the constant activity and enjoy the moments (although it is a constant choice I must make). My life is richer because of them. My marriage is better because the addition of kids made us intentionally work on us and not be lazy or passive. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Football Mom

I have been very careful not to overstretch my family with commitments over the years. Each kid has taken their turn playing sports and doing an extracurricular activities. In the spring I finally bit the bullet and committed Daniel to play football. This has been the biggest time commitment by far and I knew that going in. If I wasn't off on maternity leave for 7 of the 10 weeks, I honestly don't think I would have signed him up, at least not for the first year when I really wasn't sure how much time it would require of us.

But I am glad I let him play. He practices 3 days a week and has been pretty good at getting homework done right after school. Most of the time BJ is home in time to take him to practice and then pick him back up after the other kids are in bed. His team is 4-0 and Daniel is so excited! His basketball team never won a game, so it feels good to win. Even though he doesn't get to play a lot, it does something for his self esteem to see his team win. He was the first captain last week which meant he got to lead the team in stretches and got to talk to the refs (his words) at the beginning of the game on Saturday.

Last week Daniel almost had an interception. The ball came right to him but he wasn't able to hold on to it. Now he prays for another chance at an interception each week. He hasn't complained once about not getting to play as much as some kids (it is his first year), but he eagerly await his turn on the sidelines and cheers on his team while he waits. His coaches are doing really good teaching and encouraging him, so this has been a really good experience for him.

And I love football! We go to the games as a family and cheer him on. Seth is so funny copying whatever he hears people yelling. He likes to yell "Go Daniel!" as loud as he can regardless of whether Daniel is on the field at that moment. He'd has also sweet talked other parents out of candy and other food during the game.

When football is over, I'm sure he'll feel like he has so much free time. Hopefully he'll continue to do his homework first thing without complaining and enjoy time to play. I think he'll want to play again next year, and as long as he can keep a good attitude and stay in top of his school work, I'm happy to sign him up again.

Prayers Please

As I'm sitting here feeding my sweet girl, checking facebook, email, etc, I ran across a simple request from a friend. It wasn't directed at me specifically, and yet I took it upon myself to entertain the request.

Prayers please.

I know that facebook has made the world a lot smaller and has provided a place to express oneself, to share our lives in small bits with each other. I also know that facebook is not the complete picture (at least not for most of us).

And yet, it is not that uncommon to see a request for prayer. It made me wonder what this request was really asking for. Do people actually expect us to pray or is this one small way to let others know we are going through something? That we'd appreciate support during this time. That we and our lives are not perfect but that we are struggling.

And does every person who likes that status actually pray or is it an acknowledgement that we see the posted status and recognize or understand the sentiment?

And who do they expect their friends to pray to? As a Christian I would assume the status refers to the god of the Bible, but there are others who pray to another god. Or does the poster just want someone to do something to help them? Do they want a "like" so they don't feel alone.

Today I took up the request, and asked God for a miracle on their behalf. Because I actually believe God still does miracles. That he isn't some pie in the sky idea but a real, loving, caring God that is able to even move mountains and control nations and rulers so that his will is accomplished on earth. To show his love for people who only call out to him when their plans and methods aren't getting the desired result (in addition to those with relationship with him).

And I wonder how many times God moving on behalf of someone with no relationship with him has brought them to a place of gratitude. To a realization that they are not alone and God does desire to be near to them. To a realization of their need for a savior.

Today at church we sang a song that says "you do miracles so great" and it made me question my faith level. Yes, it is easy to look back and see what God has done, but do I pray expecting miracles now? In my current situation of life. So I used this song as a statement of faith. Declaring God to be a miracle worker for some of the needs I see around me. Calling miracles by the hand of God into the lives of his people.

So if you ask me to pray (and i see your facebook status and I'm reminded of my obligation as a servant of a miracle working God) you can know that at least one person is lifting up your need before a God who can and will meet you where you are.

Because I don't take prayer lightly and I KNOW in whom I believe and HE IS ABLE!

Choose Joy

"...One of the most powerful mood changers God has ever taught me was to open my mouth and say "I choose joy. I may not feel it, but God has appropriated it and I choose it." " Beth Moore

I was working on my Sunday school lesson today and ran across this in some of the literature we are using.

There are a lot of things in our lives we get to choose. Our spouses, where we will live, our occupation, our job, our school and education, and the list goes on. And each of these decisions in turn affect our future.

But none of these affect our day to day as much as the decision to choose joy. Joy is not happiness. Joy is not a change in circumstances but a change in our perception. How many times has my day been horrible because it started with griping at the kids and being irritated (probably irrationally so) at my kids and their choices? Or my spouse? More times than I can count, I have let others choices affect my mood and day.

So starting tomorrow, I plan to start my day the way Beth Moore recommended, by choosing joy. Will you join me?