Ever had one of those moments where God speaks and you get a glimpse of understanding into the big picture as God sees it? I had one such moment today. Let me start by saying I know that no words will fully explain what I now understand as God's plan, but I'm gonna try anyways.
For me, I kinda feel like I'm two different people. On the natural side I am Sandra the mom and wife. Those are important roles and God has put my family together and placed me in this position.
On the spiritual side, God has placed certain callings and anointing on me for use in his kingdom and within the church body.
I have been going through a time of change for the past 4 years. From my naturally rigid, perfectionist self to someone who can be flexible and go with the flow. And it has been very good for me and has helped me adapt to my "new" role as a mom of many and dealing with the unexpected nature of parenting and big families. And other parts of my natural life have benefited as well.
But today God showed me that although my kids are a blessing from Him and being their mom is a ministry, they are the tool God is using to make me more flexible for his bigger kingdom plans and purposes. There are ways God wants to use me that require me to trust Him more and be flexible enough to obey one step at a time. In order to see the fullness of what God intends, I have to continue to allow him to make me flexible.
God made me the perfectionist, orderly person I am. So it seems weird that he is changing me to be different than how he made me. But I have learned that both structure and flexibility have their place. Structure and being rigid have served me well. Those tendencies are why I have been stubborn enough to not give the devil a foothold, to become grounded in God's word, to build a strong foundation in God. I am not saying I'm perfect or never fall, but I have been blessed enough to learn to stand my ground against the devil at an early age and have been practicing it for many years. Because I naturally don't do anything half hearted. I am driven and determined and those things came from God.
The rigidity has served its purpose in seasons of my life. It has made me who I am. But now its time to learn to be flexible and obedient if I am to become the fullness of who God intends.
Some days (if I'm honest, most days) I wish I could see how all this turns out. But alas, I can't so I have to keep trusting that God hasn't left out any details. I have no problem believing God for the big things, but my personality hesitates to believe that anyone can remember all the details like I can. But he is God and even though my need for control makes it hard for me to let go, I know and say by faith that he also can handle all the details of my life perfectly and I will choose to trust him in this.
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