Disappointment

With the new year approaching, I've started thinking about what I'd like to change for the new year.  Many of us make new goals and resolutions, knowing we will probably not finish the year with as much determination as we started. And some of us choose to not even make resolutions to begin with.

The new year is as good a time as any to work on ourselves.  To set new goals and start to strive towards them.

As a Christian, every year I strive to be closer to Jesus. To be more obedient when he speaks. To spend more time in prayer and his word. (My goals are usually more specific than this so that they can be measured.)

And about a month in, we have failed ourselves, totally forgotten our goals and given up again.  Promising to never waste our energy on making silly unattainable goals and deceive ourselves by thinking we can actually change our habits and routines.

And if you are anything like me, you get disappointed with yourself. With your inability to follow through. With your unsuccessful struggle to be more like Him.

But God hasn't given up on us and he is certainly not disappointed.

Let me be totally honest here. I've been really disappointed with myself lately for not being all things to all people. For not being a perfect mom and wife (which should result in perfect children and a perfect marriage.) For not spending as much time with God as I'd like. For not being the perfect example I feel like everyone at church expects me to be. After all, in my mind, this is totally doable. I'm only working part time. I only have 5 kids, most of who "take care of themselves." Other people have accomplished such a feat, right?

And when God is silent (as he is sometimes), I'd be lying if I said I didn't entertain the thought that maybe it's because of something I've done or not done (if only for a moment as I know this is the devil's work).

We are human and we will fail. That is normal.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
All we like sheep have gone astray. Isaiah 53:6

 But God is gracious and His love remains, even in our faults and failures.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. I Corinthians 12:9

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

So instead of being disappointed in my failures, I am reminded that I just need to learn to lean on God a little more and depend on him instead of foolishly thinking I can handle it all on my own.