Just for the record

This may not exactly be the most exciting post, but for the sake of keeping records, I want to record somethings about Seth and his schedule/how he is doing.

When I started this journey of nursing Seth, my goal was to make it to 6 months. Well we have made it past that and now I am shooting for a year.  Once we got the hang of things, it's really been relatively easy. In some ways it is very convenient feed him when he gets hungry and I am with him.  He is down to taking 3-4 minutes a side which is soooo nice! Feeding him used to consume my day (or at least felt that way), but we pretty much have this down to a science. The downside of exclusively breastfeeding is the pumping. It gets old. Fast. I was mostly excited about my 4 day trip to Galveston last weekend because I would have Seth with me and wouldn't have to pump. I think we can make it to a year pretty easily. Assuming he cooperates. The hardest part is behind us.

We are feeding him some baby food (about 2 tablespoons 5 times a week) but he isn't totally interested yet. He's getting better but really likes to eat with both hands and the spoon in his mouth. Yeah, he's a mess. But at least its a cute mess. Last night I had to give him a bath after dinner. Which by the way, he loves. 

My mom has been giving him a bath every Wednesday (just so he has a schedule) and I've been bathing him when needed between those baths. He just splashes and loves being in the bath tub. He is big enough now that he can sit up and have fun without him being so wet and slippery like little babies are.

Back to food. He likes to eat puffs, sometimes. We are going to try the baby oatmeal. He never really took to rice cereal. I think it was a consistency thing.  So far I have been making all of his baby food. He's only had carrots and squash and prefers carrots out of those two. This coming up long weekend I have plans to make and freeze some different veggies like avocado, sweet potatoes, green beans, peas and zucchini. I also plan to buy some all natural applesauce to start feeding him. I've been delaying the fruits mostly because I want him to like veggies and have been told once you give him fruit, he'll prefer it because it is sweeter.

No teeth yet, but I do believe he is teething some. I don't know how long that process usually lasts, but maybe we'll have teeth in the next month or so.

Tonight was night two of letting him go to sleep on his own/crying it out. We got home from church at about 9, so the timing was different altogether from yesterday. I was concerned it wouldn't work. We got home, I put his pajamas on and then laid him in his bed while the older kids were still getting ready for bed. He cried for probably less than a minute and then was asleep before we finished Bible Time with the kids. This is going way too well and he is making this way too easy. I'm sure it won't always be this way, but for now, it couldn't be going better really.

Tomorrow is his 6 month appointment with shots, so I'll update some cute things he's doing and stats after that appointment. I am praying for a good report about his growth. I kind of dread going to these appointments and actually never made the last appointment (which was just a weight check). It just seemed silly to keep going back for them to tell me how much he weighed and that they weren't happy when I think he's happy, healthy and fine. I know they are just doing their job, but it seems a little overboard if you ask me. Last time he got shots he cried through them and then was fine. He just slept more that day, so I am praying for much of the same. Thank God for a generally easy baby! He is such a blessing!!

Super Mom

With my new perspective on life (which is primarily God teaching me to chill out some and trust him more to take care of things instead of stressing about them), I really feel like I am getting a lot done as a mom and wife. And it feels good.

Life is still busy, but I really feel like I am getting to have quality time and conversations with my kids and not just rushing to the next event I can check off of my list. I love my kids and husband so much and am just glad we get to be together. I love having a house full of activity and I love their energy (even though it has taken some getting used to). Seth is such a perfect fit for our family. His siblings love him so much and he brings so much joy to our house. They are all really good at making him smile and laugh and he just loves it when anyone talks or sings to him.

A couple of weeks ago in Sunday School I said something about how we always see that person who has it all together and we start to compare ourselves to them.  I nearly fell out of my chair when one of the "students" said that's what she thought about me.  To set the record straight, I do not have it all together, but it did feel good to know I have someone fooled. Ha! It did make me look at my life a little differently. I can be a little frazzled, but for the most part, things in my life are pretty organized and I feel like I have a handle on it (with God's help, of course.) Nothing right now is so overwhelming it is unmanageable. Without someone telling me I'm doing good, I tend to only see what is wrong and needs fixing.

On a little rabbit trail, I read the other day something about comparing ourselves to others that really made sense to me.  Comparing is never a good thing because it either leads us to be critical of others and prideful that we are better or feel worthless about ourselves because we don't have it all together as others appear to.  Really good book I am reading. It's called "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Berth. (If you keep up with me on facebook, this would make 4 books I am reading at once. Crazy and so unlike me, but they are all really good.)

Today I am feeling a little super momish, but only because I have a super God and super kids. God has just blessed me so much! Now onto the kids, which is really what you all want to know about anyways, right? 

Tonight I put Seth to bed to "cry it out" for the first time and he did so well. At first, he was just happily laying in his bed. He did cry for about 4-5 minutes, but before I got a chance to go check on him and reassure him, he was out like a light. And that was at about 7:30. I expect he'll wake up here soon to eat one last time before his long stretch of sleep. I am so grateful he did so well. I haven't really pushed him to go to sleep by himself before for a few reasons. 1. It wasn't my priority. 2. He and Katelynn share a room, so I have to plan to put him to sleep before her with enough time for him to be out before she went to bed. With tax season and other things, by the time I get home and we do supper, there just hasn't been time for that.  But I did it tonight and Seth made it really easy on me. See, I do have super kids. I will do Seth's 6 month post later this week after his has his 6 month appointment Thursday morning so I can have the most recent stats on his weight and height.

Haley is really growing up. She is such a helpful girl and really wants to do the right thing most of the time. She is so loving and isn't afraid to show it by showering me with hugs. And not fake hugs, but the real, tight, ones you can feel to your very soul.  She likes to use big words to make her sound important, but she uses them incorrectly and leaves me guessing what she is trying to say. It can be pretty funny.

Daniel is such a sweet guy. Every day when he gets out of the car at school, he makes sure to blow me a kiss. I don't know when or why this started but I love it. He is so sweet with his brother and loves when Seth lights up from him talking to him.  Today Seth was throwing a fit because I wasn't holding him (Seth is pretty clingy to me after I get home from work) so I gave him to Daniel to occupy. Seth continued to cry while I was cleaning the table, and I know Daniel wanted to fix it and couldn't, but he was just so patient with him through the screaming. Today when I put Seth to bed and he was crying Daniel immediately ran up to comfort him. I had to stop him and tell him that Seth needed to learn he was safe and he could self soothe and put himself to sleep.  Daniel didn't like it one bit that we were just letting him cry. Thankfully, it didn't last long. He takes his job as a big brother very seriously and just loves Seth to pieces.

 Katelynn is really growing up so quickly. She is reading really well for her age and we are really hoping she is getting a firm foundation for her future years in school. My baby girl is getting to be a young lady. She has recently made up her own language. Seriously. Some day she will publish a dictionary of words she has made up for things. The funny thing is that when she calls something a weird made up name, Daniel and Haley go along with it. Like the adults who don't have a clue what she is talking about are the ones who are the outsiders.

Having kids has definitely taught me to laugh at myself and at life in general more and not be so stiff and rigid about everything.

BJ is working on updating my blog and I am so excited! Soon!

Ok, so its off to bed for the night. I hope you've enjoyed my ramblings.

The Gift of Hunger

Without it we would never pursue.
Without it we would never leave what is comfortable and step out to attain a goal.
Without it we would never eat.
Without it we would die.

Matthew 5:6 
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

 Psalm 107:9
 For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

In my head and heart I want to be hungry for God and to pursue him, but if I'm being honest, there are days when I'd rather just survive. It's easier to just stay status quo than to pursue God.

Seth is a pretty happy content baby for the most part. But when he is hungry you had better watch out. He knows exactly what he wants and is not satisfied with a bottle of water or a pacifier or his fingers. Nothing satisfies him except his milk. Nothing.  You can distract him and make him forget his hungry for a little while, sometimes, but he will not be totally happy and content until he is fed.

And I wonder, am I that hungry for God? Or am I easily distracted and forget all together what I was hungry for?

Right now, it is hard to get in my time with God. I always make time for him, at least on a minimal level, but it isn't what I really want. I want more. I want time for more. We've all heard that you make time for what is important to you. And I know that, but find myself at the end of the day just wanting to go to bed. Or falling asleep on the couch before I get my Bible read. So I get up, rush through my time with God and head to bed. It isn't the best situation and I know that.

I am not a morning person. Have never been. I get up as late as possible to get myself totally ready before I get the kids up for school. We pray together on the way to school in the car, but that is more for their sake then mine. Or at least that is how I feel. And we listen to worship music and open ourselves up for God to speak. I know that we all have better days if we at least do that. It gets our attitudes in the right place and allows God to speak to us throughout the day.

I've tried spending time with God in the morning more times than I can even remember or dare to count, but it always fails. Now I have the additional distraction of Seth in the mornings. I never really know when he will wake up hungry or disturb my routine. He's like a ticking time bomb about to explode. If he could be more consistent with his sleeping/waking pattern, that would help some.

All that to say, I know I could do better. I know God wants more from me. I just have to find a better way to make this all work for me and the new normal with 4 kids. 

If you never eat, you never get hungry.  Your body goes into starvation mode and starts eating at your muscles. So I know that no matter what, even though I am not where I need to be right now (and I think God understands that) no matter how small it seems I have to have my time with God each day or it will get harder and harder to be hungry for him. Deep down I know that I need him, but my mental and physical exhaustion just makes it hard for me to pursue him like I want to right now.

Hunger comes from God, so I need to ask him to place hunger for his ways in me. 

Deuteronomy 8:3

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

Hunger requires that I admit I can't do things on my own and I need God.  Like the Israelites in the wilderness.  Sometimes God allows me to go through valleys and struggles to show me that he is still God and until I realize I need him, he is unable to take care of me. He is teaching me to depend on him. Teaching me to hunger after and desire him.

God give me hunger, desire to pursue you like I should. That everything else will become secondary to my need for you.

Because that really is what I want, even if my decisions haven't truly reflected that lately.

For Us, With Us, In Us

Today was really a great day at church. God's presence was so awesome!  

One of the things God spoke to us just really stuck with me. God wants to move for us, with us and in us. To some this may just be a way to repeat the same thought for emphasis, but for me it was an eye opener.

For us - Brings me back to the song "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe. (Okay a lot of things in my life bring me back to Kari's songs right now. It's not that she is anything other than a vessel, but God is really using her to speak to me at this time in my life.) God is working for our good. On our side. He has our back and the result of God's working for us is not disappointment or dissatisfaction, but just the opposite. When God is on our side fighting for us, there is victory and encouragement and the strength to go on, even when our current state feels like we are wading through the mud.  And when we feel lonely, God is still on our side and he won't back down or change his mind.   Because we are his chosen people, created for his purpose, and it is his pleasure to work for us.

With us - Often times we feel like we are so insignificant and that God doesn't really need us to get his purposes fulfilled. And he doesn't. Because he is God. And yet he desires to work with us. Not in a master-slave kind of relationship, where we are forced to do things against our will, but in a fellowship with us. As a part of his plan for us. God created us because he wanted to have relationship with us. Not as a dictator and lowly subject, but as a friend. I am not understating the awesomeness of God or making myself equal to God at all, but God wants to work with us, side by side, in unison to accomplish his great plan. God chooses to use us so we will grow closer to him. He delights in taking us along side him to teach us his ways and to build relationship with him. So we can trust him more and he can trust us more. The Holy Spirit is described as one who comes along side and that is exactly what God was saying. He will come and move and work with us, if we will just have our spiritual ears open to hear and learn from him and obey him. When God is with us, we are being taught how he works and being shown his ways.

In us -
He's still working on me. 
To make me what I ought to be...
How loving and patient he must be. 
He's still working on me.

That's why I am glad that not only is God working for our benefit, and with us to accomplish his purpose, but in us.  Because we are a mess, or at least I am. I have been a Christian for almost 25 years and I have certainly not arrived yet. This is a journey and every day I strive to be more Christlike and to let God show me where I fail him and strength to allow him to do some remodeling in me. Allowing God to change me is hard. Today Pastor said "it isn't easy being broken" and that is exactly what it takes for God to mold me into the image of his son and to make me perfectly fit for the plan he has for me. I have to continually have my way and my plans broken and replaced with God's perfect plan and his perfect ways. God working in us doesn't meant he's trying to make us all the same, like clones with the same personalities and abilities. On the contrary God is molding me to be the best me, the way he intended me to be for His glory. And you to be the best you. That is what is so awesome about God. He moves in us so we can fulfill the job he has created us for.

God is moving. For us. With Us. In Us. If we let him. He won't force us to change anything or do anything. But I want God's way. I've tried my own way for far too long. And it always ends in failure and disappointment. But his way is perfect and to me, its worth the pain of being renovated from the inside out.

Around the Mountain

So many people are a victim of their own "stinkin' thinkin'". I am currently going through Joyce Meyers' The Battlefield of the Mind and God has really opened up my eyes to the torture we put ourselves through, especially women, because of the thoughts we let permeate in our minds that the devil sent to destroy us. We listen to them long enough and repeat them to ourselves and eventually believe negative things about our ability to be good moms and friends and such. And we feel hopeless all because of a lie the devil told us and we begin to believe, we get stuck in a vicious cycle.

Just like the Israelites. In Deuteronomy 1:2 we see that the Israelites wondered

In the desert for 40 years on a trip that should have taken 11 days. All because of the thoughts they allowed themselves to become the victims of. Wallowing in sorrow and self-pity, complaining the whole way, dragging their feet and whining as God was leading them to the promised land. 

We waste so much time when we are losing the spiritual battle in our thoughts by entertaining and dwelling on lies. Just like God said in verse 6 of the same chapter, we have been going around the same mountain long enough. God is waiting for his people to stand up to the devils lies and start winning back our thoughts and minds. We have to break those bad habits and let our minds be renewed by God's word on a daily basis.

So we can be the victors and no longer victims.

Free and no longer bound by our thoughts.

All that God has planned for us to be and do starts with us taking back our minds and living according to what He says about us and not the lies we've let control us for years.

Healer of my Scars

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart 
 
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan
And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart 

So this morning God was speaking to me, again, through this song by Kari Jobe which is called Steady My Heart. The line that I couldn't let go of described Jesus as the "Healer of my scars."

In our natural mind this is an oxymoron, contradictory, does not compute.

Because scars are the permanent reminder of a past hurt. Permanent. Like writing on paper with a sharpie. Not going away. Yes, scars fade over time, but never really disappear.

Often we pray for God to heal the hurt in our hearts and he does (Thank you, God!), but we don't really think about the scars that are left behind. We get used to our scars. They don't hurt any more and we just accept them as a part of who we are. Like the small scar I have on the corner of my eye from when I was little. No one really notices it, but I know its there. So why does God want to heal the scars? Or does he? This is, after all, not a scripture but just a writers interpretation of what God can do.

The definition of being healed is to be brought back to original purity. As if it never happened. God's desire is for us to be whole, complete, pure, free from the past and healing our scars is a part of his plan. There is a difference between having a scar and remembering the pain that caused the scar.  The struggles, the pain, and the victory over that is what grows us and matures us.  We don't have to relive the pain, but we can never return to life like it was before that.  Because the struggle made us stronger and we don't want to go back to being weak and vulnerable to the devil's attacks again.  So we must let God heal the scars and hurts and learn to forgive and move forward, stronger than before, in God's strength and not our own.

One Desire

Kari Jobe is my BFF. Seriously!  Every morning and afternoon on the way to and from work (and sometimes during the day) her and I share a special time with God in the car (or at my desk), singing praises to him. We are really close. I am convinced it is a God thing, but the way she says things in her songs is exactly how I would say them. The phrasing and melodies comes so naturally to me.  I got a new Kari Jobe CD for Mother's Day (thanks to BJ and the kids) and I just love it. My new favorite song is One Desire.

In Your presence Lord
I will find my strength
You're the breath in me
You're my everything
With my heart bowed low
And my hands held high
All consuming fire
You're my one desire.

I am praying for a great week. I know that my trip to Galveston this weekend isn't intended to be a time of anything more than relaxation, but I am praying for a time where God can really speak to me and I can be free from the stress of life and just enjoy Him. Just hear him clearly as he leads me into his perfect plan for this season of my life.  Because that doesn't take a great church service or a multitude of people or anything other than just He and I.