The Gift of Hunger

Without it we would never pursue.
Without it we would never leave what is comfortable and step out to attain a goal.
Without it we would never eat.
Without it we would die.

Matthew 5:6 
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

 Psalm 107:9
 For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

In my head and heart I want to be hungry for God and to pursue him, but if I'm being honest, there are days when I'd rather just survive. It's easier to just stay status quo than to pursue God.

Seth is a pretty happy content baby for the most part. But when he is hungry you had better watch out. He knows exactly what he wants and is not satisfied with a bottle of water or a pacifier or his fingers. Nothing satisfies him except his milk. Nothing.  You can distract him and make him forget his hungry for a little while, sometimes, but he will not be totally happy and content until he is fed.

And I wonder, am I that hungry for God? Or am I easily distracted and forget all together what I was hungry for?

Right now, it is hard to get in my time with God. I always make time for him, at least on a minimal level, but it isn't what I really want. I want more. I want time for more. We've all heard that you make time for what is important to you. And I know that, but find myself at the end of the day just wanting to go to bed. Or falling asleep on the couch before I get my Bible read. So I get up, rush through my time with God and head to bed. It isn't the best situation and I know that.

I am not a morning person. Have never been. I get up as late as possible to get myself totally ready before I get the kids up for school. We pray together on the way to school in the car, but that is more for their sake then mine. Or at least that is how I feel. And we listen to worship music and open ourselves up for God to speak. I know that we all have better days if we at least do that. It gets our attitudes in the right place and allows God to speak to us throughout the day.

I've tried spending time with God in the morning more times than I can even remember or dare to count, but it always fails. Now I have the additional distraction of Seth in the mornings. I never really know when he will wake up hungry or disturb my routine. He's like a ticking time bomb about to explode. If he could be more consistent with his sleeping/waking pattern, that would help some.

All that to say, I know I could do better. I know God wants more from me. I just have to find a better way to make this all work for me and the new normal with 4 kids. 

If you never eat, you never get hungry.  Your body goes into starvation mode and starts eating at your muscles. So I know that no matter what, even though I am not where I need to be right now (and I think God understands that) no matter how small it seems I have to have my time with God each day or it will get harder and harder to be hungry for him. Deep down I know that I need him, but my mental and physical exhaustion just makes it hard for me to pursue him like I want to right now.

Hunger comes from God, so I need to ask him to place hunger for his ways in me. 

Deuteronomy 8:3

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

Hunger requires that I admit I can't do things on my own and I need God.  Like the Israelites in the wilderness.  Sometimes God allows me to go through valleys and struggles to show me that he is still God and until I realize I need him, he is unable to take care of me. He is teaching me to depend on him. Teaching me to hunger after and desire him.

God give me hunger, desire to pursue you like I should. That everything else will become secondary to my need for you.

Because that really is what I want, even if my decisions haven't truly reflected that lately.