Getting Up

I know my last two posts were kinda downers. Not typical of me (or at least not in my posts lately) but it happens. I had some concerned friends who contacted me to make sure I was okay and I am. We all have our moments where we get down, but don't worry. I don't stay down for long. It isn't worth the energy, honestly. I am brutally honest on this blog and when I need to vent, I often do it here.  Not necessarily so I can get help or comments, but just because I feel better after I've processed what is going on through writing it out.  I do edit my posts when I am in a more somber or angry mood because I don't want this to turn into a place where I vent ALL the dirty laundry and in turn people get mad at me.  There are some details that are not anyone's business and I don't want this to turn into a gossip column. (Although I'd probably get more readers that way. My last post, which was relatively negative, had the most viewers of all my recent post.)

My best friend and I are starting The Battlefield of the Mind By: Joyce Meyers together with the study guide and devotional. We are both really good starters, but not so good at finishing things.  I can't tell you the number of devotionals or group Bible studies I have started and not finished. I always have the best of intentions and start out really excited and motivated, setting up a plan that gets me through the material in record time (did I mention, I am competitive?). Somewhere along the way life happens and I get behind, then I try to catch up which gets overwhelming and when I feel that I am too far behind to ever get done or meet my own standards, I quit. It's really silly how much I've let my own over-zealousness keep me from just enjoying and growing from a Bible study. Instead everything is a competition, everything has goals that are a little too lofty and in the end set myself up for failure. And I hate failure. So I choose to quit rather than face the fact I can't fulfill my own expectations. So, Shay and I are doing this together so we can 1) grow spiritually and 2) keep each other moving forward and not let each other quit. This time when I get off schedule or get behind, which I will, I am going to take my own advice. I won't quit or give up, but I'll get back up and keep going. I'll ask God to forgive me for failing and will forgive myself.

That's the hardest part.  Somehow, we hold ourselves to a higher standard than even God. He forgives us when we fail and yet we won't forgive ourselves. We think we should never mess things up and we should be perfect, that we can be perfect if we just try hard enough. And that's exactly what the devil wants us to believe. That we aren't trying hard enough. That we have a fatal flaw because we can't be perfect. So we have to learn to forgive ourselves, dust ourselves off, get back up and keep on living for Jesus. Whether it be a Bible study we can't finish or anything else God asks of us, when we fail, we have to ask God for forgiveness, believe that he has forgiven us as His word promises, forgive ourselves and get up and keep moving forward. And by the grace of God we will keep moving closer to his side. Because the devil wins when we give up. And we can't let that happen. Ever. We must always get up. Always.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14