Being Martha

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” ⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

I am a planner and an organizer and that is how God made me. And I totally understand why Martha was upset at her sister. Because I am the one who is often behind the scenes, facilitating worship, at the piano, and doing what I feel is my part in ministry. But I struggle when I reach a crossroads and have to choose between being a facilitator and a participant.

There have been many invitations for special prayer or even just to come forward and worship that I have not responded to but would have if I wasn't where I feel like God has placed me. So I struggle to determine what is more important. To set the atmosphere so others can worship and receive from God, or to sit at the Lord's feet myself. 

And clearly, if I am indeed Martha in the above passage, I continue to make the lesser choice.  It should be simple, but I struggle.

Maybe its more of a pride issue. Because if I do stop playing the piano, everyone will notice, and everyone will see me and I just want to be like everyone else.

Or maybe it's my aversion to hype and emotionalism. I am all for God speaking to me, but I've learned that I don't need a big emotional event to hear God and quite honestly, he can and does speak directly to me without the fanfare. And his sweet presence and love can come to me so awesomely without anyone ever speaking into my life or praying for me at all.

Whatever it is, I have concluded they are all excuses for my disobedience. Because I can justify my actions until I am blue in the face with really good legit reasons that would persuade anyone I made the right choice. Except for the one who sees me and made me and knows me and knows I struggle. He is the only one I should be worried about, but I let all the rest consume me.

Ughh. I want so badly to hear God clearly and respond in obedience quickly, before I can rationalize away my inaction. But my feet never move from my place of comfort. Sure, I feel God's presence where I am at, but what would happen if I just got beside myself and my pride and simply responded in faith, knowing that God would meet me there?

And my disobedience has hurt me more than I will ever fully understand. I guess I just want someone to give me permission to leave my position as Martha and allow me to be Mary. There I go, wanting man's approval again. I guess I just really don't know what is best, even though the scripture seems so clear.

Because I know that Martha's are so important to God's kingdom. They are the reason so many can respond when God calls and can receive from him. After all, God made me to be a Martha, so surely he understands my dilemma.

God, help me to be a Mary. To sit at your feet and receive from you. Regardless of what other things I feel at the moment are so important. Regardless of my fear of other's opinions of me. Give me the courage to step out from what is my normal in order to be closer to you. Because that is really what I want. From the core of who I am. Just to be close to you. To feel your heart beat. And your loving arms holding me.

Mid Summer Catch Up

Summer is almost half way done. Already.

This week the kids started at daycare for 4 weeks.  I like to put them in some organized childcare for 4 weeks during the summer to give them some structure and time to socialize. They get to go and do cool things and overall love it. And the grandparents get a break.  Well, at least from the older kids. Seth is still with them, but it is much easier to have one than four.

This week is also unusual because BJ is working nights. He is setting the Back to School module at Walmart and the easiest time of day to do that is the middle of the night. So, he has been taking a nap for a few hours in the evenings before he goes to work and then trying to sleep during the day while we are all gone.  He also picks the kids up from daycare and takes Haley to Mathnasium for an hour. I pick her up on the way home and we have dinner (which he has been handling before he goes to try and nap a few hours.) This week has definitely been different for us.

I know that I already posted on facebook, but so I can find and track it, Seth has been going to sleep when the kids do without really a fight at all. Babies thrive on a schedule, or at least he seems to.  He also got his first tooth breaking through his gums yesterday. He's been druling and teething for what seems like forever, so I'm glad he finally got some relief when his tooth broke through. He is eating so well and I really feel like he has a routine going. I will probably recap some of this when I do his 8 month post in a few days. He will be 8 months old on Sunday. It is just so hard to believe my little guy is not a tiny baby any more.

Jill, my sister, and her family got moved down to San Antonio the weekend of Father's Day, so they are only 4.5 hours away now. She was able to come up for her birthday and the 4th of July and we really enjoyed seeing her.

On July 4th, I was able to scrapbook a couple of pages from her wedding scrapbook. My goal is to get it finished by her 5 year anniversary in November. That is all fine and good, except I haven't even touched it since February. But I was able to get most of it finished on Saturday the 6th. I think I only have 2-3 pages left. The kids really enjoyed watching me work on it, so I think we are going to try and get some of my past scrapbooking caught up and let them help, or at least play with some of the paper and stickers I have. I have so much stuff I will never get rid of it all. I have a tendency to buy big paper packs, so there is always some paper I don't prefer. I think I have 1 or 2 vacations from before we got the kids (almost 2 years ago) and the first months with the kids to scrapbook and then I'll be caught up. I think I am going to make digital photobooks for each year for Seth and then just keep a family scrapbook going of vacations and special events as we go.

It feels so good to get some scrapbooking done.  It makes me remember why I fell in love with it to begin with. It's fun to relive the memories, which I guess is the whole point anyways.

I am liking our new schedule as far as work and kids at daycare is concerned. Too bad it only lasts for 4 weeks before it changes again. The older kids are going on a small vacation with my inlaws the first full week of August and they are really excited.  I am not ready to send Seth with them, but next year he'll really enjoy going, if they want to take him. I'm not sure I would want to take a 21 month old on vacation with 3 older kids. They get along well, but he will definitely not be self sufficient at that point and may just be an extra burden. We'll let them decide when the time comes. 

Time is flying, busy as usual, and life is good. I am so blessed with the family God has given me. It's a little crazy at times, but that's what memories are made of.

Shrinking Back

Today's services at church just confirmed to me that God really wants us to get past being uncomfortable and have faith that God is drawing us to himself for our good, even if it feels different at first.  All I can say is wow!

During praise and worship this verse came to me:

Hebrews 10:39

But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

 Paul is writing to the Hebrews and encouraging them by stating, as if it were a fact, that they aren't quitters or those who run away when things get difficult or uncomfortable. I am sure there were some in that church who didn't choose to have faith. Who didn't choose to trust God.  Because faith is a risk. It isn't easy. And our natural response is to run and not to get over ourselves and move forward toward the thing God is calling us to.

Yeah, responding to God when he speaks requires us to humble ourselves. To put God's plans in front of our need to control the situation and fully understand what God is doing. Because some of us need those things.  Or at least we think we need them.  

Responding to God requires us to repeat to ourselves one more time that God is for us and his ways are higher than ours and trusting God when there is no physical evidence, against all hope, is really the best choice. (Or maybe I'm the only one who has to convince myself that what I know in my head to be true is really true in my gut and my heart.)

And yet, sometimes I am one of those who shrink back. Who run away, with my tail between my legs, to hide until I am sure I can handle what God is asking of me. Because, quite honestly, it scares me. 

And God is gracious and merciful to us, despite our shortcomings and continues to call us to come, to obey, to have faith, to trust him and not shrink back.

 

Uncomfortable

We live in world where comfort is at a premium. If something makes us uncomfortable, we avoid it. It a situation is awkward, we walk away. If we are hungry, we drive through to get a snack. If food is cold, we throw it in the microwave. Whatever we can do to meet our needs as quickly as possible to avoid discomfort at all cost.

And so it is no surprise that when God makes us uncomfortable we shy away from him. Or church. Or anything that may make us uncomfortable in our spirit man again. 

But what if that uneasiness was really a blessing? A way for God to get us out of our normal and closer to himself instead of running us away?

I am pretty sure that it is.

In a world where we live by our feelings, when God starts to do something that we aren't used to, instead of assuming it's God, we assume its the devil. Because its different. Because it makes us feel different. 

I am not discrediting the spiritual discernment that God gives us to warn us when things aren't right, but in order for us to be able to chalk up our uncomfortable feelings to discernment, we have to check our "discernment" with God's word.  For most of us, there are things that God did in the Bible times, that we haven't seen in our days. That doesn't mean God isn't moving that way anymore, but just that we haven't seen it. So when God starts showing himself in ways like he did in the Bible, we shouldn't be surprised and call it the devil's works.

When we feel uncomfortable in God's presence or when God shows himself in unusual ways (based on our understanding of Him) he is calling us to action. Maybe he's trying to deal with the sin we'd rather not admit is there. Dealing with our stuff is not fun. I'm sure we all have things we'd rather not deal with, even though we know that in order to be closer to God we have to take out the garbage. 

Or maybe he's trying to teach us that He is God and we don't and won't ever fully understand him or be able to put him in our nice little box. Faith is spelt R I S K. If we could understand him all the time, it wouldn't be faith and there would really be no point in serving him. I don't know about you, but I don't want to serve a God I can fully understand. If I can understand him completely, he isn't big enough to take care of my needs or have plans for me that are beyond my wildest dreams. Faith is a risk worth taking.

So don't run away when things get uncomfortable, but run to God instead and dare him to show himself to you and I promise he will show himself to be God in your life and you won't regret it.

Happy 7 months Seth!

Seth you are growing just way too fast!

 You are in size 3 diapers and size 6-9 month clothes mostly, but your pants are size 3-6 months.  You went on your first out of state road trip to Colorado to see family. You did really well in the car. You got into a routine of naps in relation to your eating every three hours (usually 30 minutes to an hour before it was time to eat again.) You still only nap about 30 minutes 2-3 times a day with an occasional longer nap.

While we were on vacation I made a habit of feeding you baby food at least once a day and we have now gotten a schedule where you eat half a jar of food twice a day in addition to having bottles every three hours.  You pretty much always wake up only once a night. 

You are so close to being mobile. You can roll both ways (front to back and back to front) and are really good at pushing yourself backwards to get around some. I'd guess you'll be crawling by 8 months, but maybe not.

I also think you may be getting teeth soon. You've been teething (slobbering a lot) for at least 6 weeks.

You say dadadadadadada a lot, but haven't really associated it with Daddy yet. 

You love to grab anything, fingers, necklaces, glasses, earrings, faces.  The cutest thing you do is when I give you a kiss on the cheek you pull in and give me a kiss on the cheek with a rasberry. 

Grandma saw you waving goodbye to someone at the pool, but it may have been more of your grabbing motion with your hand. If you do wave, you don't do it consistently.

 

Only 4 plus months (since I'm posting late) until you are one. I am not ready for you to be one. At all. I am still nursing you and really don't want to give that up. I like you being connected to me and being the only one who can provide for you that way. It makes me teary eyed even thinking about it. Well that, and you spending the night with someone else.  I am going to miss this sweet time we have together. I love you so much!

You are so social, still. You went to all of the family members without exception on vacation and just smiled and talked to them. You are just such a sweetie!

This past month has been one of a lot of growth!  We are so proud and happy that you are our son. You are such a blessing and so loved. So very loved.

~Mommy & Daddy

Connected

There are two women in my church family that I feel very close to spiritually.  It isn't because we are best friends or that I know all about their circumstances and have grown a relationship that would warrant closeness or compassion, because we haven't and I don't. 

It is these two people that I find myself burdened to pray for more than others. That God speaks to me about and gives me direction for prayer and encouragement. I am more sensitive to see or feel what they are going though and to pray for them. 

One of them God told me a while back that I would be her prayer support. And I have been quietly praying for her on a daily basis. I haven't told anyone, including her. Because when God does something or speaks to you, you don't need a big parade and fanfare to announce it. God will reveal when he chooses, if he chooses.

That's what the body of Christ is about. Loving each other. Supporting each other. Being connected to each other in a way that is more than physical. Without the labels or public recognition and just because God says so. I tend to think that God has laid me on someones heart and it all works full circle. Like a family should.

The end of Vacation

We left on Wednesday June 20th to head home. Our destination for the night was Amarillo where we stayed in another KOA Kabin. We went on Thursday morning to see the Cadillac Ranch. Our trip on the way back took a while, since we got stuck in DFW traffic on the way home. What a bummer!!

We were all very glad to be home, but really miss our family and look forward to seeing them again soon!

Daddy and Seth on the porch

Cadillac Ranch

Leaving their mark. Don't worry, it's legal.