Drawing Me

As much as I would love to say I always do want God wants, I don't. I am human and I fail. Often times because obeying God isn't always convenient. It's stepping out of your comfort zone that shows God he can trust you. 

And as much as I strive and try, the thing lately that keeps me going and working is the fact that God is desiring to be with me more than I with him.

 We are so blinded sometimes to think that our struggle to please God is a one-sided journey. God wants us. To be with us. To have us close to him and not just for our benefit. For his too. After all he created us to worship him for his pleasure.

He is ever drawing us to his side, yearning for us to respond and choose to draw close to him.

Do you hear him? He's there and he loves you and desires you more than you will ever know. 

A New Way to Fight

Today the theme of our church service, as directed by God, was gaining our victory and freedom in Christ. As we were singing  God very clearly brought me to a story of Moses. It is found in Exodus 17: 8-13. This is the story of the Israelites battle against the Amalekites. Joshua was leading the army into battle and Moses was standing on a hill over the fight with his hands raised to God. When he got tired and would drop his hands, the Israelites would start to lose, but when he raised his hands, God would bring the victory.

Many time we (and by we I mean me) go about fighting all the wrong way. We come to God, laying our burdens, our struggles at his feet, and beg and plead for him to bring us to victory. We tell him how to fix each part and how to bring it all together the way we think it should happen (again, I am sure I am the only one who has it all planned out and am glad to share some of my insight with God because I know he needs my opinion).

But we need to learn to fight like Moses did. With upraised hands. With our worship. If we will lift up the victor, who has gone before us and already won the victory through his sacrifice on the cross, we will see His hand moving and bringing us to the victory. And quite honestly, our perspective changes when we look to the victor and remind ourselves of who he is, getting lost in worship, lifting him up instead of fighting the fight by carrying our burdens and bringing them to God again and again. There is nothing wrong with bringing our needs to God. He actually tells us to do that. But I think we forget the part that says the battle isn't ours. That says cast all your cares on him and he will sustain you. That says fix your eyes on Jesus. Not on the battle, not on the problem, but on the problem solver. On the way maker. On our victor.

We must learn to worship through the struggles. Through the storm. To lift God higher so he can be bigger in our lives. To thank God for the victory instead of begging him to help us. The victory has already been won. The devil is defeated. Praise God!

God just keeps reminding me that he knows the end from the beginning. I don't see it all. I really wish I could sometimes, but I don't. God knows it all. Where he is leading me through this journey. How he is going to use me and my struggles for his glory. What he had prepared for my kids. How he is gonna show himself in their lives. In our lives. 

If I can learn to fight like Moses did, always giving God praise. Always coming before him. Thankful in advance for what he will do even though I don't see it, I can live victoriously. Not because I see the end or that the struggle is over, but because the journey too will be a time of living in God's presence. Not a time engulfed with the fears of tomorrow and the worries of "what ifs." But a time of being drawn closer to his side. A time of rejoicing in how great my God is!

Stronger

I feel pretty weak right now. Primarily due to the fact that the battles I am fighting are totally out of my control. As much as I have learned I can't control everything, I still feel better and more hopeful when I see some glimmer of God moving in my circumstances or in me to bring me to victory. God knows I like to see the whole picture but he is teaching me to trust him when I don't understand and can't figure out what he is doing.

But whether I see all the pieces or how God is working it all together or not , I do know that I am stronger than I used to be. Because of the difficulties of life I have lived through and come out victorious. Because of the grace of God. I have been shaken to my very core and God has proven himself faithful. And I have learned to hold on to his unchanging hand a little bit tighter. I have learned he is trustworthy. I have learned nothing is impossible for him. 

So though I may appear frail and my flesh may be weak, the God in me is making me stronger. One trial at a time. And I can  say with certainty that He is good.

Katey Kate

My focus lately has been on my older two who seem to demanding my attention. All the while Katelynn seems to coast along under the radar. I love my sweet girl and really don't mean for her to be overlooked, but that just happens from time to time in a larger family. So tonight, she gets a whole blog dedicated to her.

Earlier this week, she came home from school saying she no longer needed to stay back with her teacher to work on her reading skills. (They have intervention time each day where kids get some extra help as needed or just time to finish incompleted work.) Tonight at Open House Mrs. Brittain told us Katelynn is reading on a second grade level and is only half way through first. Earlier in the year she was testing below where she should have been, so I am so proud of her hard work and thankful that God has helped her catch up. Praise God! I am so hopeful that school will be easier for her than her older siblings. I have seen first hand what a big role your ability to read plays in your education as a whole. (I am not meaning to put my older two down, but just to show how important stability is in the early school years. My older two are just having to work harder than Katelynn has at least partially due to their years in foster care and moving around during foundational school years. God is able to get them where they should be in time, but we aren't there yet.)

Way to go Katelynn!! You are such a blessing to us!!

Anthem

I have this song stuck in my head. Yesterday I heard it on my Pandora station and it just fit my life so well right now. The song is Never Once by Matt Redman.

Never once did we ever walk alone.
Never once did you leave us on our own.
You are faithful. God, you are faithful.

I don't know about you, but I know a lot of people who are going through some serious trials and testing right now. Whether if be physical, or family, or emotional, the Devil is definitely at work right now. Some times I am just so tired of the fight and I just want it all to go away.

Kind of like a kid in gym class who wants to get out of some physically straining activity. If only they could get a parents note or a doctors note so they could be excused from the less pleasant parts of the class.

And so we beg, no matter how futile we know our attempt is, for God to give us a pass. To let us just skip this part and move on to something more comfortable for us. And as expected, it is to no avail.

Because God intends for us to go through some stuff. To build our faith. To draw us closer to his side. To teach us to trust him more and depend on him solely. And no matter how lonely it feels or how much we are hurting, we can trust in this one thing.

God will be with us the whole journey. From start to finish, he will be by our side, strengthening us as only he can. Encouraging us when we want to give up. Pushing us forward when we lose momentum.

And when this passes, and it most certainly will, we will be able to look back and KNOW that we were never by ourselves. That even if we felt alone, he never left us. Never Once. Because God is indeed faithful.

His Word is greater than any diagnosis from a doctor, advice from a professional or whatever other words you are holding on to. Let go of them and KNOW that God, the one who made you and formed you knows better than anyone else and He is the one walking with you through it all. His word will stand the test of time and His word is worth holding onto and depending in.

 

Because of Who He Is

Happy Monday everyone! Church services were great yesterday and I am ready to tackle the next two busy weeks of year end payroll reporting.

While some people would choose to be stressed and anxious about what the next days hold, I choose put a smile in my face and just keep moving forward through the work and challenges.

Why? Not because I have it all together or because my plan is completely formed including every possible detail, but because I know the God I serve is in control and I know who He is.

Jehovah Jireh. My provider. The one who takes care of me. Providing all I need. Physically, emotionally, mentally, it doesn't matter. Because He is able. He is more than enough for me.

There is not a struggle I face or an obstacle I must overcome that He doesn't know about. He is far greater, stronger, and more capable than I can even grasp.

There is nothing that surprises Him or catches him off guard. He isn't worried or scared when he sees the next hurdle on the horizon because he has already made a way for me to be victorious over it. He doesn't lose sleep or wring his hands in anticipation of the future. He has already planned it all and he knows his plans are good. 

Yet even in all his power and strength he chooses to have relationship with me. To draw me close to his side and hold me in the palm of his hands. To gently lead and guide my every step. In love.

See, there is really no reason for me to waste my time in worry and fret, because God is for me and nothing is impossible with him.

Made for This

Some days I am just so discouraged about all of the things my kids have to endure. Because of their life before us. It just isn't fair. For them.

Just when I feel like we have a handle on everything, something else changes. Right now I am in the middle of learning disability testing for Haley (if nothing else, to rule this out) and what we think are anxiety issues with Daniel. (On a side note, every time I think about having a 5th child, something else shows up to discourage that thought. I'd really like to get a handle on helping the kids I have before I add a 5th to the mix, if at all.)

So this week God has been gently reminding me that nothing is impossible for him. Nothing. And that he called me, chose me, made me just for this life that I'm living. To be their mom. To show them God's love. To be here, in this moment, living by God's grace and learning to trust him more.

This week my mom showed me this letter Haley wrote to God.

It says:

Deat God!
I love you! I am glad I know you because I would never know you if I was with my real mom and dad, but I know you now!
Love Haley 

What a great reminder that we are doing something right. Yes, it is hard and can be overwhelming, this task we've been given. But we are exactly where we are supposed to be and even if we don't always see the results of our labor, we were made for this.