Learning From the Past

So I know this is probably TMI for some of you, but the truth remains the same. I have said many times that if we will learn from our trials and struggles, the next time we are faced with something similar, it will be easier to handle and worth the effort to not just get through it but to defeat the enemy, to rise above the struggle in God's strength.

I have always been a big proponent of nursing my children. With Seth, my goal was to nurse for a solid year until I was able to give him cows milk and not have to buy or supplement with formula. I met that goal, but it was not easy. For at least 6 months he wouldn't eat enough and he wasn't gaining weight like the doctors wanted him to. I tried multiple things at the suggestion of his doctors: Increasing my fat intake (by drinking more milk and ice cream myself), feeding him more often including waking him up to feed him (which I am against), making sure he sat up for 30 minutes after eating to aid digestion and decrease the frequency of spit ups, etc.

And each time I went back to the doctor, I felt like I was just not good enough to properly feed my son, that I wasn't doing enough and was failing him.

Yes, I made it through and Seth is totally fine, but it was definitely a struggle I had to rise above. Poor boy is still small for his age and I have the hardest time finding him pants that are both long enough and skinny enough for his waist. But he is fine. He is healthy and thriving.

So this time, with Julia, I had the same goals for myself and I don't see any reason that will be an issue. I feel like I've been down this road (the much more bumpy version) and I've learned to just keep moving forward one day at a time and things will work out.

I was a little concerned that she was only nursing on one side and maybe not getting enough nourishment, but I just kept going and that has evened out. I didn't stress or worry or blame myself for her "what ifs" but just kept going, doing what I knew from my previous experiences.

OK, let me make this spiritual, which is really where I was going with this.

How many times when God takes us down a path do we question and worry if things will turn out the way we expected? And yet, if we will keep on moving forward, trusting him one day at a time, we have learned from the past that God will see us through and take care of the details of our lives. And the next time we go through a similar battle, we can look back and remember where he has brought us through before and KNOW that he will do it again.

How many times did God remind the Israelites of his provision? Of the victories he had already won for them? Of his ever present hand in time of distress? Why? So they could build their faith to trust him more each day.

Reminds me of the song "Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus." There is a line in the chorus that says "how I've proved him o'er and o'er." And yet when we get in the middle of the struggle, we want to cry out to God, begging him to come through as if we aren't sure that he will. But he's done it before and will always show himself, again and again. That doesn't mean it will look exactly the same as before, but we can rest knowing that God will not leave or forget us, but will be God in our lives if we let him.

So take a moment and look back to where God has brought you from, to the many times he has taken care of you, not envious for days long past, but reminding yourself who your God is and what he is capable of.

Julia's Birth Story

Let me start by saying God is so gracious and merciful! For the most part things went really well. During our few hiccups I just remained focused and wasn't at all anxious or worried. I was totally at peace through every thing and give all the glory!

We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 4:30am on Thursday August 27th. At 3:35, they called us to move it back to 6:15. I was already up and my mom was on her way to my house when we told her so we chatted an hour before I let her go back to sleep and we left for the hospital. We put the car seat base in at about 5:45. Nothing quite like last minute.

We got to the hospital on time and in the first thirty minutes, I got my IV (without passing out), got all the baby/contraction monitors hooked up and Julia started kicking the monitors. I was dilated 2 cm when they started the Pitocin at 7:20. Doctor Wiegman showed up at 8, checked me and I was 3.5 cm and Julia's head at -2 station. He broke my water.

At about 9:45, I got an epidural and was so happy when it took affect. I could still feel the contractions on the top of my uterus, which I don't remember from Seth's delivery. Julia has been so much higher in my ribs the entire pregnancy so maybe that is the reason I felt the contractions so high up with her. At about 10:15 we started noticing a significant heart rate drop for Julia with each contraction down to 60 or 70 beats per minute and quickly recovering to 140 after the contraction was over. At 11 they gave me oxygen to try and help. Seth did the same thing and had the cord around his neck twice so we anticipated the same.

Doctor Wiegman showed up about noon and checked me to find I was complete and ready to push. Mom had just got there with Seth so I said a quick hi and bye before I started pushing. I was surprised he wasn't freaked out with me in a hospital bed, especially because I had oxygen on my face. He was all smiles and excited to meet Julia.

I pushed through three contractions and she was born at 12:10pm. Doctor Wiegman later said he was glad we got her here fast or he was going to have to do something because the cord was around her neck so tightly. She came out a little blue in the face with a bruise across her forehead and on her arm. Her hands and feet were white because of poor circulation during delivery. The nurse said she was glad I wasn't more worried because they were able to give direction without dealing with an emotional mom. As I prayed for, I was blissfully ignorant of how bad it really was or could have been and was able to enjoy her delivery and not worry. That was definitely a God thing!

She weighed 7 lb 5.8 oz and was 19.5 inches long. Bigger than Seth by almost 12 oz. Dr. Wiegman though she may be smaller than Seth due to the measurements of my uterus and weight gain at the end of the pregnancy, but he was wrong. The nurses asked me at some point how big I thought she was and I said bigger than Seth, over 7 pounds, and I was right.

They handed her to me for some skin to skin time and to try an get her to nurse. She didn't want to latch on, which the nurses attributed to her being tired from her tough delivery. The grandparents (minus my dad) were allowed back in about 12:30 and I was told they would take Julia to the nursery about 1:30 to clean her up and get her to cry a bit to help with circulation. Jill and the girls got there about 1 and got to meet Julia before she went back to be cleaned up.

After they took her back to the nursery, the nurse got me cleaned up and into my postpartum/recovery room. As soon as she left, I got out of bed, changed clothes and got settled on the couch. When the next few nurses came in to introduce themselves, they were shocked to find me out of bed and commented how I didn't look like I'd just had a baby. That was my goal from the beginning and I am glad things went well and I could speed up my recovery by being active without overdoing it.

That evening, we had some more visitors including Pastor and Sister Snyder, Kim Williams, my coworkers (Elaine, Shannon, Alex, and Jeff), and all the kids and my mom and dad. We were able to get a new family picture (which we failed to do when Seth was born and I've regretted).

When we left the hospital the day after she was born, Julia's weight was only down to 6lbs15oz, which is about 5% of birthweight. She also was not jaundice at all. Praise the Lord! She had already become a pretty good eater (much attributed to a mom who knew what she was doing) and we haven't had any weight issues with her.

 

We went to the pediatrician on Thursday (9/3) for her first well check and everything was perfect. Her weight was up to 7lb 1oz and she had already grown a quarter of an inch (although the way they measure length is definitely less than perfect) and all her percentages are about average. 25th percentile in weight, 46th percentile in height and 21st percentile in head circumference.  They also told me we could do the 10 day blood test at the office when we go for her 2 week checkup instead of at the hospital. This was an answer to prayer as the hospital where we would normally go for this is not on my insurance, so I'd decided to figure out if there was another way to do this or if we could just avoid it all together. The doctor mentioned it without me even asking, so I know God was making this as easy as possible for me.

And life as a family of 7 has begun!

Sweet Addition

You'll be happy to know that I was able to take good notes during Julia's labor and delivery. I haven't crafted that post yet, but wanted to give a semi-quick update on Miss Julia in the mean time.

Today, she is 5 days o!d and has been such a sweet easy addition to our family. She sleeps almost all the time (unless she needs something). Seth was so alert from birth so that made him a bit more high strung, although I think he was a pretty easy baby as well.

Julia and I have got this nursing thing down. She isn't on a schedule really yet, but that will come. I really think the difference is my previous success nursing Seth for so long. And I'm not stressed about it. If you'll remember, the stress with nursing Seth was increased by his borderline  jaundice (which led to the suggestion to supplement with formula) and his inability to gain enough weight which I took personal responsibility for. This has been such a different experience.

She has slept two 4-6 hour stretches each night between feedings. During the day I feed on demand which is generally every 3-4 hours.

I think Seth's birth and the subsequent adjustment on our family was so much more stressful because our new adjustment with the other three kids. They are older now and taking more self responsibility regarding school work and are just growing up. They are very helpful mostly and my expectations are more realistic.

Seth's adjustment has been okay. I supposed he is a little more moody, but some of that is just him being almost 3. The older kids get to hold Julia quite a bit (depending on homework) and I am able to spend time with Seth unless Julia needs to be fed. It is working really well so far. Obviously I have more opportunity to hold her during the day and since she sleeps so much, i can lay her down and Seth and I get to cuddle on the couch. Grandparents and Bj are taking him out some so that helps him too I think. The real test will start the week Bj goes back to work.

Today Seth went to Bops with Bj and Maggie leaving Julia and I at home. I literally was almost bored. She slept, I fed her, gave her a bath, and watched a movie.

I am hopeful that being home for the next weeks will help get a schedule
with Julia and get the kids started on the right foot with school this year. If we can get some organizational and behavior patterns down before I go back to work, this could really be a corner turning year for them all.

When God Gives Me What I Want

God made me with a Type A personality. Very organized. Planned. Not spontaneous at all.  So over the years, there have been many times when God has had to mess me up and teach me to trust him and that his ways are better than my plans. God has given me many surprises that have rocked me to my very core.

Surprise! You can't get pregnant when you want to and have babies when you plan them to be born!

Surprise! You are going to adopt!

Surprise! You are going to adopt 3 kids at once!

Surprise! Now you are going to be pregnant!

Surprise! Now your daughter has a learning disability!

Surprise! Now your son can't sit still and has anxiety issues!

Surprise! Now you aren't going to have a natural birth with no medications like your mom and sister!

Surprise! Now your daughter isn't going to try her best because she thinks she's stupid!

So when things actually kinda go the way I would like or according to my personality, I am almost more surprised than when they don't. Take my labor and deliveries. Both of them were/will be inductions (unless she just can't wait another 7 hours). Now, that isn't what my initial goal was with Seth, but looking back, I am really glad I was induced with him. It let me plan who was watching my kids when. It took the surprise or guessing out of the "am I in labor or not?" questions all moms have or the last minute shifting of kids to grandparents so we can get to the hospital in time.  All of these things made it a very good birth experience for me.

And this time, I know more what to expect since I've been through this before with the same doctor at the same hospital. I like being able to mentally plan. It makes me less stressed. I am totally aware that it won't be exactly like last time, but I'm also not worried about it.

I expect her to be here by lunch tomorrow and I want to stay only one night and come home on Friday.

So today I am grateful that God has allowed somethings in my life to stay organized and planned and that every once in a while he chooses to agree with me and my great ideas!

School Reflections

So after I dropped my kids off at school this morning, I started praying. If I have learned anything about my kids, it is that I can never predict what they are going to do or say. This is the fifth school year we've had with them. You'd think eventually their attitudes and actions would get predictable and yet, I don't feel that way at all. I hate to admit it but I have lowered my standards for them, mostly because it is really stressful to be disappointed by your kids, at least if you are a perfectionist like I tend to be.

That sounds really negative, and I don't mean to be that way. Maybe I should say that I'm trying to step back and praying for them to be self motivated to be their best. And expecting great surprises but trying not to be so pushy with my goals for them and let them set goals and work to achieve them.

Today I got a good report from each kid and they are all pretty positive about the school year. The girls have both set some goals for themselves including As and Bs and some good behavior things I'm really excited for them to work for and achieve.

Haley's co-teacher told her she wasn't sure why she was in her group  and that she just needs a little extra help. I guess Haley never realized that before and those few words were really good for building her confidence. I reminded her that if she would use the tools they were giving her to push her from border line to general education they extra help could totally go away. She seemed to like the sound of that and seems motivated to do her best this year. Praying it sticks and doesn't wear off a few weeks in.

Katelynn has a different group of kids for the most part in her class and I hope that is good for her. Her teacher is seasoned and I really think she will do a good job of teaching self responsibility and helping her gain some of the confidence she lost last year when she was made fun of when someone didn't like her artwork. She is at that hard age where she is realizing not everyone is as nice and kind hearted as she is. She is getting some tough skin and realizing everyone's opinions do not count equally and she can't please everyone. I am hoping she'll blossom this year and next since she will be the only Fowler at her school with the big kids in intermediate.

Daniel liked school mostly, but its only the first day, so he isn't sure what he thinks about his teachers yet. He generally wants to do well, so I'm hoping to get some better feedback in the coming days.

Daniel started practice with his football team tonight. His coach is a Christian and offers prayer with whatever players after practice, which I think is pretty cool. Daniel's a little timid to block/tackle so we have to work on that. I told him this is the only time he has permission to let out the aggression he talks about. Hopefully tomorrow will be better at practice.

2 more work days until the early Thursday morning induction of Julia!

Busy times in the Fowler house!

The Things You Forget

I don't forget many things. Especially if it is important to me. I kind of pride myself in remembering details about others. It's part of the way I show others that I care. (And that was not at all where I was going with this blog.)

I am amazed at the things about my delivery of Seth that I don't remember. I mean that is why people decide to have more kids after all. I know that it was not traumatic and I remember many details, just not all of them. So even though I've done this before, I feel like there is still a lot that is unknown at this point.

I do know that I am not nervous about the induction and I'm not adamantly against an epidural like I tried to be last time. Been there, done that, overall a good experience for me.

I'm a little more nervous about how Julia is doing, mainly because Dr W is concerned she is small. Seth was small, so I should be used to that and yet it makes me a little nervous. It helps me a little that she keeps moving and we have heard a strong heartbeat from the very beginning.

I think the realist in me won't let me assume it will all go like last time. Praying everything will go smoothly, though. When I look back, I realize there were some hiccups in Seth's delivery that I was too naive to be worried about in the moment. I'm praying for a little of that again. I want to enjoy this experience as much as the first one without unnecessary worrying.

I do plan to take better notes throughout the process to help me remember more what happened and when. I think the timeline of Seth's delivery day is what I don't remember the most, so I plan to change that this time.

It's hard to believe that we are less than a week away from Julia's birth.

I plan to update facebook and/or the blog from the hospital, so stay tuned for the next adventure in our lives. Don't know if I'll blog again before then. Depends on how my next week goes.

Baby Days - 37w6d

I know I haven't posted in a while and honestly, I feel like I haven't had a chance to breathe, let alone blog about it. Life is busy getting ready for Julia. I only have a few more things to handle before I can be ready mentally:

Missionette promotion is on Sunday and I'm in charge. I was asked what the back up plan is and there isn't one. I have about 5 things left to do for that and I've passed off the reception preparation to my mom.

I have about 3 more project for work to finish. I keep thinking the main tedious task is almost over and then I find another snake to squash. 

Need to pack my bags for the hospital and get the car seat base installed.

Went to the doctor today and we have moved the induction date up to next Thursday August 27th. He had a few more important inductions moved to the date I wanted so here we are. 6 more working days, 8 more days until she is here. I have to call on Thursday to figure out when we have to be at the hospital a week after that. Dr. W expects it to be first thing in the morning, like last time. 

Just like last time, he thinks she's gonna be smaller than Seth maybe, but admitted he could be off a pound either way. I really wanted a regular size baby, but healthy is good either way. I don't plan to stay at the hospital more than one night, but we'll see. I just know that last time, the sooner I got out of that bed, the quicker I healed.

Total weight gain is 18 pounds. Y'all, I have no more doctors visits. This is getting real. Real crazy!

Symptoms this last month include feeling huge, started waddling, hips hurting, hard to breathe and sing, off and on nausea and feeling over full. Tired a lot, just generally feeling done!

Party of 7 coming right up!